Fic: McKay's a Cat Person

[girlpire]

Title: McKay's a Cat Person
Author: girlpire
Rating: NC17/FRAO
Pairing: Sheppard/McKay
Disclaimer: This story is based on the "Stargate Atlantis" series, with which I am not affiliated in any way, and I make no money from it.
Distribution: Please do not archive this story anywhere.
Warnings: M/M Slash, Oral, Anal, Rough, Bestiality, Dub-Con

Summary: John is temporarily transformed into a cat.

Notes: This story was written for the prompt "John/Rodney, bestiality. John is temporarily transformed into a cat" at sga_kinkmeme. I'm reorganizing all my fanfiction in my journal, so I decided to go ahead and de-anon by reposting here (even though I'm embarrassed that my first SGA fic is about doing it with an animal). You can read the original thread with comments [ here].

*

McKay's a Cat Person

*

Rodney never would have tried to smuggle the cat back to Atlantis on the Daedelus. Despite his genius, there really was no way to hide an animal in a confined space for that long, to say nothing of an accompanying litter box and various fuzzy toys. But now that Earth had the capability of dialing the Pegasus Galaxy at will, it was a very simple matter to slip Maximus into a standard issue SGC duffle bag with a couple of stuffed mice and step directly through the gate with him. Rodney had his beloved furry friend settled nicely into his Atlantis quarters within a neat half-hour, no one the wiser.

It's not that he'd set out to defy regulations exactly, but the fact is there's really no substitute for the companionship of a cat. They don't judge you, for one thing. They're soft. They like to cuddle. Sure, he had John, whom he'd been sleeping with off and on for the past several months, and he supposed he could consider Carson and Teyla and Ronon his companions on a less intimate level, and even Elizabeth and Radek. But every now and then, Rodney craved the perfect, silent acceptance that his pet provided. Maximus never asked stupid questions about the fail-safes of the power distribution system when the city's shields were running at full. Maximus never wanted to know if he could disguise the energy output produced by gate travel so it couldn't be detected from a hive ship in geosynchronous orbit while the city was cloaked. Maximus never told him he should eat fewer donuts.

All Maximus did, in fact, was sleep, watch the ocean from Rodney's windowsill, and occasionally chase the red dot of a laser pointer that Rodney shone onto the floor for him. Sometimes Maximus leapt into Rodney's lap and simply purred while Rodney stroked the tufty black fur at his nape, trying to smooth it down. He was a smallish cat, though fully grown, and solid black but for a single white toe on his back left foot. His fur was never quite situated smoothly and stuck up in random places, but it was soft, and Rodney relished the warm weight of Max's body in his lap while he sat working at his desk. At night, Maximus lay stretched across Rodney's chest with one paw resting on his mouth, the soft pink pads of kitty toes against Rodney's lips.

No one seemed to notice when Rodney began taking portions of food from the mess back to his room - especially fish and chicken. No one seemed to notice how much milk he apparently drank in his quarters. He never worried that John might find out about the cat because they always met in John's quarters instead of his. (He said there were too many important things lying around in his own quarters and he didn't want Sheppard to accidentally touch anything. Which was true.) Anyone else who wanted to see him contacted him by radio first, and he met them elsewhere. Almost no one actually came to Rodney's quarters for any reason, so Maximus had been a bona-fide Atlantean for a full two weeks before he was ever discovered.

It was Sheppard's fault, really. The whole thing. He'd made Rodney promise he wouldn't stay in the lab so late working every night - something about too much coffee and a proper sleep schedule, not that Rodney was really listening - and so, feeling obligated to honor his half-assed promise (to the letter), Rodney had wheeled a piece of portable Ancient technology into his room to continue working on it in a place other than the lab. He hadn't activated it because he didn't know what it was yet and he wasn't stupid, so it stood dormant in his quarters for the better part of three days and Maximus took to sitting on top of it to get a better look out of the window. Rodney let him because the cat clearly didn't have the ATA gene, so he wasn't a threat.

One day, Rodney was sitting at his desk with Max lying over his shoulder purring, half-asleep, when his earpiece clicked. "McKay? Are you in your quarters?"

"Yeah," said Rodney. "Something wrong, Sheppard? Don't tell me you broke Jumper One again, because I told Zelenka if it makes that noise all he has to do is--"

"It's not the jumper. I'm looking at a life-signs detector. I need you to tell me what's going on here."

Rodney frowned. "What, you've just now decided you don't know how the life-signs detector works? You've been running around with one in your hand for, oh, years, and suddenly you can't figure out what the little dots mean?"

"I know how to read a life-signs detector, Rodney. But I'm reading two signs in your quarters right now, and I don't want you to panic, but one of them isn't human. Now, will you tell me what's going on, or am I gonna have to wait for Ronon to report back?"

"Ronon?" repeated Rodney. Max stopped purring and lifted his head to look in the direction of the door. Before Rodney could think to hide the cat in the bathroom, the door to his quarters slid open to reveal the tall Satedan. Rodney yelped as Maximus dug his claws into his shoulder and hissed.

"McKay? Are you alright?" asked Sheppard's voice in his ear.

Ronon had quickly drawn his weapon and was aiming it at Max, still perched on Rodney's shoulder and now making a low growly sound in his throat, hackles raised. His sharp claws were planted firmly in Rodney's flesh through his shirt. "Ow ow ow OW!" said Rodney.

Ronon hit his earpiece and took a slow step into the room, still aiming the gun at Max. He was slightly out of breath, as though he'd been running. "I've got him, Sheppard. McKay's being attacked by a..." Ronon hesitated. "A little... bear."

"A bear?"

Sheppard, Rodney couldn't help noticing, sounded more impressed than concerned.

"It's a cat, you moron," Rodney snapped, trying to pull Max away from his shoulder. The cat seemed to suddenly weigh a ton. "Close the door so he doesn't run out. And for god's sake, put your gun away. All I need is for it to go off while you're aiming at my head."

Ronon looked uncertain but slowly lowered the gun anyway. Without looking away from Maximus, he waved his hand over the door control and it slid closed.

"McKay, Ronon, don't move. I'm on my way," said Sheppard.

"Great," muttered Rodney. He stroked Max's unhappy head until the claws in his shoulder relaxed enough for Rodney to pull the cat away from him. He set Max on the desk. Max hunkered down, staring at Ronon. Ronon stared back.

"What? He's a pet. Don't they have pets on Sateda?" Rodney rubbed at his injured shoulder. He was probably bleeding.

"Our pets like us," said Ronon.

"Yeah, well, they're probably used to people running around pointing guns at them."

A moment later, the door slid open again and Sheppard stepped inside. Maximus immediately leapt from the desk to the top of the dormant Ancient device, which was a little farther away, then turned to look back at John. John waved his hand over the door control. After the door closed, he folded his arms across his chest and looked at Maximus. He looked from the cat to Rodney, back to the cat, and then at Ronon.

"A bear?" he said.

Ronon gave him an unapologetic look. "What's a cat?"

"A better question," said Sheppard, "is what's a cat doing in Atlantis?"

Rodney opened his mouth, then shut it again. He looked over toward the window and rubbed his shoulder. "It's not as though he's hurting anyone," he finally muttered.

John took a few steps toward Maximus and bent slightly to give him a closer look. "I don't see how he could've been brought here from Earth," he said. "Animals are against regulations. No one in the expedition would be stupid enough to bring one here. Right, McKay?" John reached toward the cat and let it sniff his fingers.

Rodney thought for a moment. Then he said, somewhat guiltily, "No one comes immediately to mind, no." He watched as Maximus gave a tentative lick to John's thumb. John tried to pet him. Max seemed to hesitate at first, then gave in and pushed his head against John's palm.

"It must be a stowaway from within the Pegasus Galaxy," John reasoned, carefully ignoring the fuzzy stuffed mouse toy on the windowsill directly in front of him. "There's gotta be some planet out here with cats on it. Ronon? You've been to the cat planet, right?"

"No," said Ronon.

John went on stroking Max thoughtfully. He shrugged. "I'll ask Teyla. We'll just... figure out where it came from and send it back." The cat was starting to purr. It sat down on the top of the device and began licking its own chest. "Of course, there's no telling how long it'll take to figure out which planet it belongs on... And we can't send an alien cat back to Earth..."

"That would be totally irresponsible of us," Rodney agreed. "We can't know what kind of... alien cat diseases... it might be carrying."

Ronon looked at Rodney. Then he looked at Sheppard. He squinted.

"Right," said Sheppard, scratching behind Max's ear. "We'll just have to take our time, figure this out. And in the meantime, I guess we'll need to decide where to keep it..."

"I'll-- I mean, I could take care of him," Rodney offered. He cleared his throat. "Just, you know, until we find out where he... came from?"

"Good," said John with a nod. "Then I guess the situation's settled for now. I'll let Elizabeth know." He glanced at Ronon. "What?"

"Nothing," said Ronon. "I'm leaving." As he walked by, he clapped Rodney on his scratched shoulder. Rodney flinched. "Glad it wasn't a Wraith," said Ronon.

"Really? Because you sound disappointed," Rodney said after him. When the door closed behind Ronon, Rodney turned to Sheppard. "Thanks, John," he said.

"Oh, this conversation isn't over. It's just over for now. I'm sure we'll be revisiting the issue after I talk to Elizabeth." He gave Max one more stroke, the black fur sticking up out of place again as soon as his hand passed over it. He eyed the cat. "I'm more of a dog person, myself."

As he said this, John rested a hand on the device beside where Maximus was sitting. Rodney would have warned him if he'd had time, but of course, as with most of the mistakes they'd made in Atlantis, it happened before it could possibly have been prevented, due entirely to a seemingly innocent action, and with consequences that no one, not even Rodney, could have predicted.

***

It took a bit longer to figure out what had happened than Rodney would have liked. As soon as the device lit up and did its strange pulsing thing, John made a small gasping noise and seemed to lose his balance. He fell forward, hit his head on the edge of the device, and collapsed unconscious to the floor. Maximus hadn't been startled off like Rodney would have expected, but instead hurried forward to peer over the side of the device down at the fallen colonel. The cat then looked up at Rodney's face as if to ask, What the hell just happened, McKay?

When Rodney couldn't immediately wake John, he radioed for a med team. He snatched Maximus off of the device - careful not to touch it himself - and stowed the cat in the bathroom just in time before his door slid open and four more people arrived in his quarters. They rushed Sheppard off to the infirmary and Rodney hurried after them, sparing not another thought for the smallish black cat they left behind, who had seemed perfectly uninjured (if a little confused).

The real effects of the Ancient device weren't even apparent until John woke up, which he unfortunately did while Carson was stitching up the gash at his temple where he'd struck his head. Elizabeth and Rodney both stood as shocked witnesses while Sheppard bared his teeth at Carson and made a long, low noise in his throat.

"You've hit your head, Colonel," Carson explained slowly. "I just need to finish the stitching, and--"

John swiped at Carson's face with one of his hands. At first Rodney thought he'd tried to slap the doctor and missed, but when Carson jerked backward and put a hand up to his face, he realized a slap wasn't the intention.

"He scratched me!" Carson gave Rodney a bewildered look. "Did you see that? He scratched me with his bloody fingernails!"

"John?" said Elizabeth. "John, listen to me. You're in the infirmary. You fell."

John was looking around wildly, as though he had no idea who these people were or what was going on.

"Do you remember falling?" asked Elizabeth.

Rodney couldn't stop staring. Something about Sheppard seemed shockingly different, now that he was awake. Not just the way he was acting, which was of course odd in itself, but there was a fundamental difference. Something in his eyes. Something... missing. There was an innocence there that Rodney had never seen in a grown man before. A blankness, a total lack of understanding, the kind babies have, or animals. Rodney looked helplessly at Carson and Elizabeth. They could see it too.

Carson was reaching slowly for John again. "It's okay, Colonel. You're alright. Everything's fine."

John pressed backward away from Carson's hand, as close to the back of the infirmary bed as he could get. When the doctor's hand didn't stop reaching for him, he scrambled sideways off the bed and fell onto the floor. Without pause, he ducked underneath the other bed in the room and squatted there, peering out cautiously.

"Rodney," said Carson, still staring at John. He was using his frustratingly patient voice, the one Rodney hated because it meant he was about to state the obvious. "You said Colonel Sheppard hit his head. This isn't typical behavior of a man who's only hit his head."

"Oh, really? I couldn't tell," said Rodney.

"What else happened?" Elizabeth asked.

"Well, obviously it was the Ancient device. It did something to him."

"What Ancient device?"

"The one he hit his head on. I feel sure I mentioned that part," said Rodney.

Carson sighed. "And what's this Ancient device supposed to do, then?"

"If I knew that, I'd be reversing it right now, wouldn't I? So far, it seems to make people fall and hit their heads. If you've got nothing helpful to add to that, then I'll just be in my quarters figuring it out all by myself, like usual." Rodney made for the door. Then he stopped. He ducked down to look under the bed. John was crouched there, looking blankly back at him. The thread from the last unfinished stitch at his temple was hanging down the side of his face. "Um. Is he going to be alright?" asked Rodney.

"I suppose we can't know that until we figure out what's happened to him," Carson answered. "As far as I can tell, he seems in fine physical condition, but I'll run some tests to be sure. If we can... coax him out."

"Right," said Rodney, straightening.

Elizabeth nodded. "Keep me apprised. Both of you," she said. "I'll make sure Major Lorne knows he's in charge of military operations until we get this thing sorted." She bent down to look Sheppard in the eye, schooling her expression into its most compassionate. "We'll figure this out, John. I promise."

John stared back at her, unblinking. Then he yawned.

***

Rodney radioed the lab on his way back to his quarters to let them know that, despite the fact that they probably wouldn't be able to manage basic Atlantis upkeep without him, they'd simply have to make do until further notice. When he got back to his quarters, he went immediately to his desk and opened his laptop, which was tied into the Ancient database, and began running a search. He started with keywords in Ancient that he thought most accurately coincided with the English phrase "psychological experiment." No one had said it out loud, but it was impossible not to notice the obvious change Sheppard had exhibited as soon as he woke up. If nothing was wrong physically, the piece of equipment Rodney had brought back to his room had to be another wacko Ancient speed-em-up, slow-em-down, give-em-superpowers brainwave mess-around device. Because there weren't already enough of those in Atlantis.

He had just started to glance over the first hundred or so returns when he heard a noise coming from the bathroom. Maximus. Rodney went over to open the door, and the cat came out. Glaring at him.

"Sorry, buddy," said Rodney. "I forgot all about you, didn't I?" He squatted down and reached over to pet Max on the head.

Max ducked away and gave McKay a look that said something to the effect of What the hell are you doing?

"Oh, holding a grudge now, are we?" Rodney ignored the cat's affronted expression and just picked him up, standing and cradling him against his chest. "Don't blame me," he went on, rubbing his face against the soft black fur. "Sheppard's the idiot."

Maximus protested this assertion by squirming around until McKay put him down on the desk. He shook his head and body until his fur was settled back into its usual cowlicked style and then sat down with a huff. His tail seemed to curl automatically around his body, and he looked down at it and tilted his head as though it were odd. The tip flicked back and forth a couple of times. Max looked up at Rodney.

Rodney sat back at his desk and began to look at his laptop again. The first return on his search, as far as he could tell, described a conditioning program to teach children to like vegetables. Or to teach teenagers to enjoy opiates. He couldn't tell at first glance. He really ought to install a translation program, but he'd just never had the time. At any rate, it didn't appear to be related to whatever had happened to Sheppard, although he supposed they couldn't be sure until they exposed him to some vegetables. Or drugs.

He got a notepad out of his desk drawer and made a note on it: "Show Sheppard broccoli and heroine. See what happens."

Max took a few steps forward and looked at the notepad. McKay snorted. "Teaching yourself to read?" He patted the cat on the head and turned back to the computer screen. He'd just opened the second result of his search when the search closed itself out. "What the...?"

Maximus had situated himself closer to Rodney's keyboard. He had one paw poised over the escape key and was giving Rodney a speculative look.

"Oh, no. Remember our agreement? You can only sit on the desk if you promise not to touch my computer," Rodney said. He pushed Maximus away from the laptop and gave him another stroke from head to tail. "You stay there," said Rodney.

He reopened the Ancient database and entered his search terms again. Just as the results began to show up, Rodney was distracted by his pen and notebook hitting the floor. Maximus had just pushed them off the desk. Rodney sighed. "Max, stop it," he warned, bending to pick up his things. "Don't make me lock you in the bathroom ag--"

The rest of his words caught in his throat when he straightened and saw what the cat was doing now. In the second it had taken Rodney to pick up the notebook and set it on the desk, Maximus had closed the Ancient database again and opened a word processing program. Now he was staring at the keyboard as though unsure what to type.

"Whoa, kitty," Rodney said, swiping Maximus off the desk and into his lap. "No computer for you! Computer for those with opposable thumbs only." He began stroking Max absently as he opened the Ancient database for the third time. "Someone won't be getting a treat tonight," he muttered.

But Max refused to be ignored. He stayed in Rodney's lap, meowing loudly at periodic intervals and sometimes growling. It was almost as though he were trying to speak. It was odd for Maximus to be that vocal; Rodney usually thought of him as the strong, silent type. Not today, though. Rodney continued to stroke and shush him, but he wouldn't settle. He wouldn't hop down, either.

"What is your problem?" Rodney finally said, tearing his attention away from the laptop, where he wasn't making much progress anyway. He looked down at Max, who was looking up at him. Max meowed again. "We've been over this, buddy," Rodney tried to explain. "I don't speak your cute little cat language. Now you have to let me work, or Colonel Sheppard may end up hiding under a bed for the rest of his life. Understand?"

And then, as though he did in fact understand, Maximus stood up on his hind legs in Rodney's lap with one paw braced on Rodney's chest, and rested his other paw gently against Rodney's cheek. The cat looked into Rodney's eyes with an expression no cat had ever managed to give him before: one of authority, impatience, and hope all at once. It was the kind of look he was used to getting from John.

Rodney looked back at him. "What?" he said.

Max closed his eyes and looked down, as though despairing of getting his point across, and then looked back at Rodney's face. He slapped the smooth cheek with his paw and made a low sound in his throat.

"Hungry?" said Rodney. "We haven't eaten in a while..."

Maximus turned away and hopped up onto the desk. He walked over to the edge, backed up a little, came forward again, shook his butt, and jumped over to the top of the Ancient device. Then he just sat there and looked at Rodney. When Rodney didn't do anything, Max looked down at the device, back at Rodney, and then very pointedly down at the device again.

Usually when things click for Rodney, it's like a sudden moment of inspiration. An idea hits him and he snaps his fingers and he barely manages to hold back the "Eureka!" he feels like shouting. (Sometimes he doesn't try to hold it back.) This time, for whatever reason, it didn't work that way. He didn't suddenly realize what had happened to John and Maximus. It didn't hit him like a bolt of electricity. It was more like being bitten by a mosquito in his sleep: by the time he actually became conscious of the itching, there's no telling how long the bite had been there.

He very calmly looked at John and said, "It might take a while to reverse, you know. I have no idea how it works. That thing's been in here for a few days already and I wasn't even sure what it was supposed to do until you-- In fact, this whole thing is your fault! If you had just let me pull longer nights in lab when other people weren't around distracting me, I never would have brought it back here and you wouldn't have accidentally activated it while my cat was sitting on top of it - completely innocently, I might add."

John jumped back over to the desk. He came toward Rodney and reached out a paw, touching him on the cheek again. Then he leaned forward and swiped his rough cat tongue across Rodney's lips.

Rodney shook his head. "You know this is going to do things to me, don't you? Both psychologically and sexually, you turning into a cat will probably ruin me forever. I just want you to be aware of that if you ever kiss me again in Max's body."

John patted him on the cheek with his paw and then used Rodney's lap as a stepping spot in order to get down from the desk.

That's when Rodney's earpiece clicked. "Rodney, are you there?" said Carson's voice. "We're having some problems with Colonel Sheppard, and I think you should get down here right away."

Rodney stood up. "I'm on my way to the infirmary now, Carson."

"Not the infirmary. We're in the jumper bay."

"The jumper bay?"

"Aye. You may want to hurry."

John trotted over to the door to Rodney's quarters. He was holding his tail straight up in the air, his little pink asshole on display. He looked back at Rodney.

"I suppose you want to come, too," Rodney said, following. "Fine. Just don't get mad at me if Max has done something to your body. This whole thing is your fault, remember?"

***

When Rodney entered the jumper bay, John close on his heels, it wasn't hard to spot the trouble. A small crowd had gathered in the far corner of the large room, including Elizabeth, Ronon, Teyla, Carson, and two of Carson's med staff. They were all looking up. When Rodney followed their gaze up, he saw John - that is, he saw John's body. Sheppard was crouched on top of a narrow support beam that stretched across the corner from one wall to the other, about twenty feet off the floor. Rodney had never noticed a support beam in this room before, but a quick glance confirmed that there was one in each corner. There was no telling how the man had managed to get up there. Also, he was naked. Everyone was just standing around, looking up at him helplessly, and he was simply staring back down at them.

Rodney walked over and stood next to Carson. They both looked up at the man on the beam. "Before you ask, I have no idea how he got up there," said Carson, still staring up. "And now we can't figure out how to get him down."

"I say we stun him," said Ronon.

"He will fall," Teyla pointed out, "and possibly hurt himself."

Ronon shrugged. "I'll catch him."

"So after I left him with you, you stripped him naked," Rodney said to Carson, "and then, in all your infinite medical wisdom, you brought him to the jumper bay?"

"No, of course not," said Carson, giving him a frustrated look. "We took off the Colonel's clothes to run some tests - not without injury, mind you, the man has fingernails like a Wraith, and he bit Dr. Guerin - but before we could sedate him, he ran away. Teyla found him in here."

"It is not often that Colonel Sheppard runs naked through the halls of the ancestors," Teyla said. "I knew something must be wrong, but I admit, this is not what I expected."

The group watched as Sheppard made himself comfortable on top of the beam. He stretched out on his belly, ankles crossed behind him, and laid his head on top of folded hands. His eyes closed halfway, but he was still watching them.

Rodney cleared his throat. "Did you see how he got up there?"

"No," said Teyla.

"And he's not listening to us," added Elizabeth. "It's like he doesn't even recognize us."

"Not only that," said Carson. "He doesn't seem to understand English at all."

"Yes, about that--" started Rodney.

"Did you figure out what happened to him?"

"Of course I did. As always. Although I'd like to point out that I was given very little time to do any thinking before the meddling of uninformed persons made the situation worse. We've really got to work on everyone's timing."

"Rodney," said Carson.

"Ah, well, yes, alright. Sheppard is a cat."

There was a lingering silence as everyone in the group turned to look at Rodney.

"A... cat?" asked Teyla. She raised an eyebrow and glanced at Ronon.

"It's like a little bear," he said. He roughly sketched the size of Max's body with his hands.

"Oh," said Teyla, looking down at the floor. "Like this one?"

Everyone looked down. John was sitting beside Teyla's foot, looking up at Rodney.

"Yes," said Rodney. "Exactly like that one."

"What in the world is a cat doing here?" Elizabeth asked, startled.

"That's beside the point," said Rodney, waving away the question. "The point is, Sheppard is now also a cat. Inside his head. Which means, I know a way to get him down. But everyone else has to leave, and I'll need some tuna."

***

It was a simple waiting game. When Max got hungry, he began to whine in his throat, and Rodney talked to him. Rodney was sitting behind one of the jumpers, situated so that Max couldn't actually see him, but he could hear him. When Rodney felt the time was right, he clucked a little and began opening the can of tuna. Almost immediately, he heard a couple of thuds that meant Max had jumped down (although Rodney still couldn't fathom how) and then John's naked body came sniffing around the corner of the jumper. Rodney forked the tuna into a bowl and set it on the floor, and Max planted his face in it and began eating.

It was a somewhat mesmerizing sight to Rodney. Here was John naked on all fours, not caring in the slightest that his ass was up in the air in the middle of the jumper bay, his legs spread slightly so that Rodney could see his balls hanging down. He knew it wasn't really John acting completely uninhibited like this; it was Max, his cat for god's sake, but it was still undeniably sexy in a raw, primal sort of way. Rodney watched the muscles in Max's back and shoulders flexing as he ate. He'd sent the real John off with Teyla and given her some instructions on what to feed him, though come to think of it, he couldn't remember if he'd told her that the cat was actually John or not. Oh well, not like it really mattered. Even Xena: Warrior Princess would be able to figure it out if she paid any attention at all.

When Maximus was done licking the bottom of the bowl, he looked up at Rodney. Rodney held out his hand. "Come here, buddy," he said. Max hesitated a moment, then crawled over and butted his head against Rodney's hand. Rodney petted him, carding his fingers through the dark, mussed hair, and then running his palm down Max's neck and across the smooth skin of his shoulder. He wasn't sure at first if the petting would have the same effect in a human body as it usually did for his cat, but Max didn't appear to notice much of a difference. He crowded closer to Rodney's body, turned this way and that to make the most of the stroking where he wanted it, and began to hum low in his throat, the closest approximation a human could make to purring. He rubbed his head across Rodney's chest over and over.

Rodney could feel himself getting hard. He couldn't help it; it was John's body doing this to him. "Alright, Maxi," he said, shifting away from John's hands, which looked suspiciously like they were going to knead his thigh. "We should get you back to... where am I supposed to keep you?" He paused for a moment with his fingers carded through Max's hair. Max turned his head to lick Rodney's forearm. "Hey, none of that," Rodney said, hastily taking his hand back. "My quarters, I guess. I told John I'd take care of you."

It was something of an ordeal getting Maximus back to Rodney's quarters. The cat was off balance walking on two legs and kept trying to use his hands. He absolutely did not want Rodney holding his hand to guide him, but Rodney couldn't get him to move in the right direction otherwise. He ended up scooping Max into his arms and carrying him, which Max didn't seem to mind terribly, although it killed Rodney's back. Rodney kept trying not to look at Sheppard's cock, which flopped around nonchalantly whenever Max squirmed. The journey took much longer than it should've, and ended when Rodney abruptly dropped Max onto the rug just inside the door to his quarters.

Max went directly to his water bowl and began to drink by lapping the liquid with his tongue. Rodney stared for a moment, then tapped his earpiece. "Carson, Elizabeth, I've got Sheppard back in my quarters. He's fine. If it's alright with you, I'd like to keep him here while I figure out how this device works. Should have him fixed in no time."

"Alright," said Carson. "But if you notice anything out of the ordinary - well, more out of the ordinary - you'll let me know."

"And please, keep us informed of your progress," added Elizabeth.

"Right. McKay out." Rodney switched channels and tapped his earpiece again. "Teyla, you there?"

"I am here, Rodney."

"Did you feed him?"

"Yes. He has eaten some macaroni and cheese, part of a burrito, and a cup of red jell-o. I have never encountered an animal with such a... varied appetite. Are all cats this way?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Mm. You can bring him back to my quarters now. I'll need him if I'm going to get the device working again."

"We will be right there," she said.

When Teyla arrived, she was carrying John in her arms. Rodney immediately saw that the cat was staring straight down into her cleavage, but Teyla hadn't noticed. She smiled as she handed John over to an irritated Rodney. "I find that he very much enjoys having his belly rubbed," she said. "I would like to have a pet such as this myself."

John gave Rodney an innocent look and swished his tail.

"Right," said Rodney. "Thanks for feeding him. I'll take it from here."

As soon as the door closed behind Teyla, Rodney said, "You are a bad man," and put John down on the floor.

John did a double take when he saw the occupant of his human body rolling around beneath Rodney's desk with a fuzzy toy in his mouth. He glared at Rodney.

"What?" Rodney said. "He's a cat. It doesn't take breasts and a belly rub to hold his interest."

***

Aside from one bizarre incident involving Maximus and the litter box, the next couple of hours passed uneventfully enough. Rodney found information in the Ancient database concerning the body-swapping device, and although there was nothing there related to human/animal switching, he felt confident that he could put John and Maximus back into their correct bodies. The problem came about when, upon examining the device, Rodney found that an integral piece of the operating mechanism had broken off - presumably when Sheppard's head came into forceful contact with it earlier. The small broken piece was lying on the floor nearby.

"I can fix this," he told John, picking up the piece and setting it on his desk. "But it's going to take some delicate work. You'll just have to wait until morning for me to save the day." He stood up and stretched, then removed his earpiece and set it on the desk beside the broken piece from the Ancient device, which was near John's paw. Max was curled up under the desk, already asleep. When Rodney pulled his shirt and pants off to get ready for bed, he noticed John watching him with slitted eyes from atop the desk.

"What are you looking at?" he said, tossing his clothes into the hamper.

John tilted his small head and looked Rodney slowly up and down before swishing his tail once.

"Tell me you're not angling for a belly rub," Rodney scoffed, climbing onto his bed. The lights dimmed on mental command. "Didn't Teyla take care of that for you?"

John leapt lightly down from the desk and then up onto the bed. He was adjusting remarkably well to cat reflexes. He stepped right up onto Rodney's body and sat in the middle of his chest. Rodney couldn't suppress the urge to stroke the dark fur, and he did so with his palm, beginning at the top of John's head and applying light pressure as he ran his hand straight down the entire length of the cat's body, including his tail. "This is so weird," he muttered. On the second stroke down, John began to purr.

John leaned forward and licked Rodney's lips once, the same kind of rough cat kiss that he'd given him earlier. Then he licked Rodney's cheek and down his neck, still purring while Rodney petted him. "I don't really... I mean, I'm not sure what you want me to do here, John," Rodney said. At that, John nipped his neck with tiny teeth. It didn't hurt exactly, but Rodney got the message. He shut up and let that rough tongue keep on licking, and stroked his hands up and down the soft little warm body on top of him.

Rodney tried not to think about how wrong this was when his cock started getting hard. John had backed up and was now crouched on his stomach, licking his chest. The first swipe of tongue over one nipple sent an electric sensation through Rodney's whole body. The second had him arching up, almost tipping John off of him, and the third made him gasp out loud. He left one hand on John's soft black fur and reached the other down inside his boxers to wrap around his erection. "Yeah," he whispered. "That's... nice."

The roughness of John's tongue was part of the reason it felt so good, but also, Rodney noticed, it didn't take all that much licking to make his nipple sore. "The other one now," he said, and John obliged. Rodney moaned softly, squeezing his cock and trying not to move around too much.

Once both of Rodney's nipples were a slightly swollen, dusky pink, John turned around on Rodney's stomach to face the opposite direction. His tail brushed over the sore nubs, and Rodney moved his hand a little faster. He supposed he was going to have to get himself off, since he couldn't exactly have sex with John in this state. John had lowered his head and was trying to peer into Rodney's boxers alongside his hand.

"Oh, you wanna see?" breathed Rodney. Rationalizing that this was John and it's not like he'd be exposing himself to some innocent animal, Rodney lifted his hips off the bed slightly and then pushed the underwear down far enough to kick it off. His legs fell open, and John crawled down between them, turning again to face Rodney's hard cock. The warm softness of John's body between his thighs turned Rodney on even more. His hand moved quickly up and down his shaft while John's furry face nuzzled against his balls. When John began licking him there, Rodney's hand sped again. It wasn't going to take him long to come.

Just when his orgasm was starting to build up, John reached for Rodney's hand with one paw. Rodney didn't immediately stop rubbing his cock, but a judicious application of claws got the message across. "Christ, John," Rodney grunted, snatching his hand away. "I was about to come."

John stepped up onto Rodney's stomach again, his belly fur dragging against Rodney's erection, and walked across Rodney's body and over to the nightstand. Rodney watched as the black cat sat down, looked at him, and then patted the drawer with a paw. Rodney obligingly opened the drawer. John stepped down into it, ducked his head, and then resurfaced with a tube of lubricant in his mouth.

Rodney took it from him. "And what exactly do you want me to do with this?" he asked. "Maybe you haven't noticed, but we can't really fuck each other right now."

John ducked his head into the drawer again. Rodney leaned up to look into the drawer and saw John pawing at a long, thin box he kept there. "Really?" Rodney said. He took the box out and opened it. Inside was a realistic-feeling black dildo he'd had for a long time but that John didn't normally like for him to use. He'd always said if Rodney wanted something in his ass, all he had to do was say so and John would take care of it.

Rodney wrapped his hand around the dildo and swallowed. "You wanna watch me fuck myself, John?" he asked.

In answer, John made a low sound in his throat. Rodney took it as a yes.

He lay back down on the bed and spread his legs, bending at the knee so that his feet were flat on the mattress. John hopped back over and went around Rodney's body so that he'd have a good view, rubbing his furry self along Rodney's side as he did so. As Rodney squirted some lube onto his fingers, he suddenly felt the sandpaper-rough wetness of John's tongue on his asshole. He gasped and spread his thighs further, but after a few licks, it was too much. "Okay, okay," he whispered, gently pushing John's head away.

The first touch of the cool lube to his hole felt soothing after the cat tongue. He just rubbed his slick fingertips around it, not pushing inside.

John nipped the soft fleshy part of his inner thigh.

"Hold on, I'm getting to it..." said Rodney.

When his first finger did push slowly inside, Rodney felt more than heard John break into a purr again. With the next finger, he could feel John's tail swishing back and forth and hitting his leg lightly. The familiar stretch and burn in his ass was heightened by the slight soreness around the rim where John had licked him a little too long, and it turned him on to be doing this to himself, so close to John watching him. It made his cock throb. A drop of precum squeezed out.

When he felt he had stretched himself enough, Rodney pulled his fingers out and spread some lube on the toy. It was not quite as large as John's penis, but it was a fair substitute in a pinch. He positioned the head of it at his asshole and began to press inside while John's purrs vibrated against his leg.

When it was about halfway inside, he reversed direction and started to pull it out, breathing shallowly through his mouth. On the next stroke, he fucked himself a little deeper. "I'm... imagining this is you, John," he said.

John began to lick his upper thigh, very close to where the dildo was going in and out of his body. Rodney felt the precum seeping out of his dick and dripping down onto his stomach. He wrapped his other hand around his cock and squeezed.

"I haven't used this in a... really long time," said Rodney. "I haven't... needed to because I have your cock to fill me up." The dildo was going in and out all the way now. "I love it when you fuck my ass," Rodney whispered. "I wish this was you fucking me right now."

John shifted forward between Rodney's legs and started licking his balls. "Yeah, Christ, do that," Rodney grunted, fucking himself more forcefully. The ridge of the dildo's head was rubbing hard over his prostate, sending shivers of sensation through his body. He closed his eyes and bit his bottom lip, searching for that feeling he'd almost had earlier when John had made him stop. This was better, though.

John climbed up onto Rodney's stomach and turned around again. He was staring at Rodney's hand moving up and down his swollen erection, at his thumb occasionally rubbing over the round pink tip, smearing the tiny drops of liquid that were appearing there. Then John's tongue darted out and swiped along the head of Rodney's cock, and Rodney's hips bucked with pleasure, his ass clamping down on the dildo. "Oh, fuck," he said. "I'm real close, John."

John didn't hesitate. He licked the tip of Rodney's dick again and then again as Rodney fucked and stroked himself. The feeling of that rough tongue in such a sensitive place was intense, slightly uncomfortable but wonderful at the same time. "Oh god, oh god," Rodney gasped.

He came to the feeling of that tongue dragging along his piss slit, the wide dildo stretching him open, and the tip of John's tail swishing brusquely over his nose. The warm furry body of his lover was vibrating with purrs as Rodney shot into his mouth, his orgasm coaxed along with soft kitty licks until it was too much and Rodney had to move his cock slightly to one side to get away from the intensity. He squeezed the last of his cum out between his thumb and forefinger, and John licked it from his hand.

"Fuck," Rodney groaned softly. "That was amazing."

When John turned back around to face him, he had a glob of white hanging from his furry black chin. His long tongue darted out and licked it away. Rodney grimaced. "And also really fucked up, John," he said. "You get that, right?"

John was still purring. He came forward and licked Rodney's cheek. Rodney stroked his fur and watched it stick back up as soon as his hand had passed over it. "It's kind of freaky how much this suits you," he said.

John swished his tail once and then stepped off of Rodney's body onto the bed. Rodney propped himself up on one elbow to pull the dildo out of his ass. He was going to go to the bathroom to wash it off, but as soon as he turned, he saw that Maximus was sitting on the floor beside his bed, watching him. It was disconcerting, to say the least: naked John eyeing him with half-closed lids while he slid a toy from his ass. Rodney cleared his throat and set the dildo on his nightstand. "Hey, buddy," he said to Max. "How long have you been sitting there?"

Max hadn't gotten used to his human body as quickly as John had gotten used to his cat one. Instead of standing up and climbing onto the bed, Max braced his hands on the mattress and jumped with both feet at the same time to land beside Rodney, bouncing him a little. He also didn't give much thought to his new size as he climbed right on top of Rodney, pinning him down with his hands on Rodney's shoulders and his knees on Rodney's hips.

"Whoa," Rodney yelped as he was nearly crushed beneath his cat. He quickly shifted beneath Max so that Max's knees would be resting on the mattress, one at his side and the other between his legs. Max didn't mind. He ducked his head down and rubbed it against Rodney's face. Some of his hair went in Rodney's mouth. "Yes yes, I love you too, Max," Rodney said. He lifted his hands to Max's shoulders and stroked both of them down the smooth body to his hips, petting him. Maximus hummed and rubbed his cheek against Rodney's cheek again.

This - this wasn't bad. He was just... petting him. Petting his cat. It's a completely normal thing to do. This is what they did every night. Max would get on top of Rodney, they would cuddle for a while, and then Max would fall asleep on Rodney's chest. It's just that, normally he didn't find petting Maximus to be... sexy. Rodney slid his hands down Max's sides again, feeling the soft warm skin stretched over firm muscles. Yeah. This was definitely sexy. He turned his head helplessly toward John, who was watching from atop a pillow. If Rodney could read an expression on the cat's face at all, he'd call it interested.

"We're just. We're just going to cuddle for a little bit," Rodney explained.

Max was still rubbing his face against Rodney's and humming. The humming was interrupted as he began licking Rodney's neck. The contrast of the soft tongue after having a rough one there so recently was incredibly stimulating. Rodney combed his fingers through Max's hair and continued to stroke down his sides. "That's my sweet boy," he whispered.

When Max began to settle down on Rodney's chest as if to sleep, Rodney felt he had to do something. He wasn't going to be able to sleep with John Sheppard's naked body draped across his own body all night, no matter how appealing the idea was. He gently rolled Max over, landing him on his side facing Rodney. "Good boy," Rodney murmured. He stroked down Max's chest. Max stretched both arms straight overhead and rolled further onto his back, spreading his legs.

"Oh, you want a belly rub?" asked Rodney. He trailed a hand down Max's chest and over his firm stomach, sifting his fingers through the scattering of body hair, and back up again. Max just hummed away, perfectly content to lie there being adored. Rodney tried not to stare at the soft penis nestled at the apex of his thighs. Really tried. But he couldn't look away. His hand began to stroke further down on Max's belly. He also rubbed Max's thighs. He knew that touching John like this, all over his body except his cock, would have had him hard in seconds, but he supposed it was different for someone who was used to so much touching.

But then it began to happen.

Maximus didn't seem to notice, himself. He just lay there humming softly, his eyes half closed, and watched Rodney touching him. His cock grew slowly, so that even Rodney didn't notice at first, but there does come a time when it's impossible to ignore. As soon as it began to lift up from Max's body, Rodney stopped petting him.

"Ooookay, I think that's enough petting for tonight," Rodney announced, suddenly disgusted with himself. He glanced at John, who had folded his paws underneath his body and was simply watching. John tilted his head at Rodney. "No, this is different," Rodney said. "I mean, I know it's your body, and some people would probably say that it's less gross than what we did a few minutes ago, but at least that was you on the inside. And now you're over there, not-- not here." He gestured vaguely at Max's erection. "So it's not the same thing. At all. Am I right? I'm... pretty sure I'm right."

Just so he wouldn't have to look at John's cat face, which apparently disagreed with him, Rodney rolled onto his side to face away from both John and Maximus. A moment later, he felt Maximus moving. Max rubbed his face against Rodney's shoulder. "I know, buddy," Rodney sighed. "But I'm done cuddling for tonight. It's too weird."

Max made a low sound in his throat and began licking Rodney's shoulder. The hairs on the back of Rodney's neck stood up. This felt too nice. He rolled more onto his stomach to get away from the licking. He'd been trying to ignore it, but his own cock was starting to get hard again too.

Max's tongue moved more toward the side of Rodney's neck. He was still shifting around on the bed, but Rodney was too distracted by the tongue to take much notice. Then he felt Max's erection poking him in the side. "No, Max," said Rodney. He started to move away.

But then the damnedest thing happened. Max bit him.

This wasn't one of your ordinary kitty nips, either. Max had opened his mouth wide and then clamped his teeth down on the back of Rodney's neck, hard. Rodney yelped and tried to pull away, but it seemed the harder he struggled, the tighter the bite got. He froze in place, lying there on his stomach, and the bite lessened a little. But Max was still holding on.

"What the fuck?" Rodney grunted. He could feel Max's hips making shallow thrusts against his side. One of Max's arms moved across Rodney's body to rest on the bed on the other side of him, so that Max was lying on top with his chest pressed to Rodney's back. Then Max shifted one leg over Rodney's hips as well. He effectively had Rodney pinned to the bed, his hard cock poking between Rodney's ass cheeks, and every time Rodney tried to move, Max sank his teeth a little harder into the back of Rodney's neck.

"Oh my god," Rodney said, shocked. "He's going to fuck me. John! John, my cat is going to fuck me! In your body! What should I do? John?"

Max was still thrusting against Rodney's backside, though he hadn't managed to hit his target yet. Rodney lay immobile beneath him, trying to calm down. He heard John's little cat steps come around until they stopped in front of his face. John peered at him and tilted his head. They looked at each other for a moment.

"It's. I mean." Rodney wasn't sure what to say. The rubbing over his asshole, which was still slick from earlier, distracted him. He was hard. Even though his neck hurt, there was no doubt that he was turned on by what Max was doing to him inside John's body. "I mean, I guess if you don't mind," Rodney hedged. John leaned forward and licked Rodney's lips roughly. It was so wrong and hot and mixed up in Rodney's mind.

Because he was still slick and stretched down there, when Max's cock found Rodney's asshole, it pushed right inside over halfway in one thrust. Rodney called out sharply, but Max didn't give him any time, just set up a fast, hip-jerking rhythm immediately, shoving all the way inside and making short, powerful thrusts that barely moved out at all. The whole bed shook with the force of it, rocking the headboard against the wall. Max's teeth bit down harder on Rodney's neck.

"Oh god, oh fuck," Rodney said. He couldn't move at all. Not only was Maximus holding him down by the neck, but his arms were clamped solidly to Rodney's body, securing Rodney's arms to his sides so that he couldn't even touch his dick if he wanted. Sweat beaded up between their two bodies as Max rode him hard with Sheppard's cock. He was making a low moaning sound in his throat as he moved.

It was the hardest fuck of Rodney's life. His erection rubbed against the sheet over and over as he got pounded into, his prostate occasionally getting hammered by Max's cockhead. He wanted desperately to reach down and jerk himself off, but he couldn't move at all, and that just made the whole thing hotter. He imagined what he must look like to John, who was now sitting there watching from about two feet away: he was pinned helpless underneath John's body, forced to take it hard, moaning and cursing and more turned on than he'd been in ages. They may never be able to have regular sex again.

After a few short minutes of the brutal fucking, Rodney came, his cock shooting between his own stomach and the sheet that had rubbed him nearly raw. The orgasm had snuck up on him. He cried out and managed to lock eyes with John as it was happening, and his ass squeezed around Max's cock so tightly that he came too, pumping his load deep inside Rodney. John watched the whole thing happen with his mouth open slightly, a hint of pink tongue showing between his furry black lips.

Though he hadn't been able to move at all, Rodney was still somehow out of breath afterwards. He lay there panting as Max finally let go of his neck and began to lick softly over the aching bite mark. He was still afraid to try to move as long as Max was inside him, so he just waited. After a thorough tongue-bath, Max finally pulled away, his softening cock exiting Rodney's body with a sticky sound.

Max sniffed down Rodney's body until he got to Rodney's sore asshole. He passed his tongue over it several times while Rodney lay there unmoving. Then he crawled to the other side of the bed and began bathing his face by licking his hands and then swiping them over his cheeks.

Rodney rolled over onto his back and closed his eyes.

***

When he woke up, Rodney couldn't move his left arm. This scared him for a moment until he realized that it was because John was lying on top of it. Er, that is, Maximus was lying on top of it. Max had stretched himself across Rodney's arm and had one leg thrown over Rodney's legs as well. Max's left hand was over Rodney's mouth, just where he usually put his paw when they slept. It was cute, in that fucked up way that Rodney knew everything involving John was going to be cute and everything involving Max was going to be sexy from now on.

He heard a toilet flush and looked over in time to see John trotting out of the bathroom. John hopped up onto the nightstand beside the still unwashed dildo and regarded Rodney with his head tilted to one side.

Rodney pushed Max's hand off of his mouth. "I'm okay," he told John. "Just, you know. Scarred for life. No big deal." He sat up, pushing Max's leg away too, and immediately felt all the places he was sore. "Ohhhh yeah. Gonna be a great day," he groaned. "A very uncomfortable great day."

Rodney washed and put away his dildo, stripped the sheets off his bed for washing, then showered and dressed himself. Before he put on a shirt, he used a handheld mirror and the bathroom mirror to get a look at the mark on the back of his neck. It looked like the skin hadn't broken anywhere, but he was already showing some major bruising.

He emptied a can of tuna into a bowl for Max, who stuck his face into the bowl and ate just as greedily as he had the evening before, while John watched. Rodney couldn't tell if he was fascinated or disgusted by the spectacle. Probably both. John's body was in dire need of a shower, but Rodney was pretty sure that wouldn't go over too well, and anyway, he was planning to have John back in that body soon and he could bathe his own damn self.

Rodney made a quick trip to the mess to grab breakfast for himself and something to go for John, stopped by the lab for a couple of tools he needed to fix the Ancient device, and then went back to his room. He set the small plate of scrambled eggs and bacon on his desk and watched John eat it. The eggs were easy enough. The bacon was a little more difficult. Rodney stopped laughing when John glared at him.

"Don't worry, it'll be over soon," Rodney said. He got his tools and went over to kneel beside the device. "And I want you to know, while this thing may have messed with your body, it really messed with my mind." He glanced at John. "And since my mind is greater than your body, I think we both know who suffered most." Then he got to work.

It took a little over an hour total to fix the device. When he was done, Rodney stood and stretched the kinks out of his back. He looked over toward the bed, where Max was lying on his back on top of the sheetless mattress. John was lying on Max's chest. They were staring intently into each other's hazel eyes, both with their lids half-closed, both with their dark hair sticking up in random places. It struck Rodney suddenly that he'd picked a pet cat that actually sort of looked like John. He sincerely hoped that didn't say anything profound about his psyche.

"Hey," Rodney said.

John looked over at him.

"I fixed it. Now you just both need to touch it at the same time. The switch should reverse itself. Hopefully."

John hopped up off of Max's chest and ran onto the nightstand, leapt from there to the desk, then leapt from the desk to the top of the device. He sat down.

"Good," said Rodney. "Max?"

Max looked at Rodney but didn't move from the bed.

"Max. Don't make me bring out the big guns," Rodney threatened. He picked up his laser pointer from the desk. John looked away.

In about a minute, Max had joined Rodney beside the Ancient device, having chased the red dot into every corner of the room and over all of the furniture - for a little longer than was strictly necessary.

"Wow," Rodney said, petting Max on the head. He looked at John. "I didn't know your body could move that fast."

John glared.

"Well, this is it. Is there anything you wanted to do as a cat that you haven't tried yet? I'm thinking we probably won't be doing this switch again."

John seemed to think for a moment. Then he lay on his side and stuck one back leg into the air. It was not at all difficult for him to lick his own fuzzy balls.

"Oh, sick!" Rodney said. "John, come on. Don't do that. I can't tell if I should be turned on or disgusted."

John sat back up and swished his tail once. He looked down at the top of the device and situated his paws on the sensor pad.

"Alright, Maximus," Rodney said, gently taking Max's hands and bringing them up to the top of the device. "See you when you're you again." He dropped Max's hands on top of the other sensor pad. The device lit up. There was a brief pulse just like the first time, and then the machine went dormant again.

***

Rodney, it turns out, was wrong.

The device stayed in his room. First he was studying it, then it was just too much of a hassle to cart it anywhere else. Then he wanted to keep it.

Because after Sheppard's overnight in the infirmary, after all the jokes about everyone seeing him naked that time in the jumper bay, after all the references to being a cat person or a dog person or a little bear person, and especially after Rodney had given Maximus to Teyla and then demanded him back, Rodney and John did, in fact, make that switch again.

Special occasions. Christmas. Rodney's birthday. Every time the bruise on the back of his neck heals.

Rodney can't help it: he's a cat person. And John doesn't seem to mind. While he still claims to prefer the company of dogs, Rodney suspects that Colonel John Sheppard is now more of a cat person, too.

*