(no subject)
OK interweb journal
There is this man. In CA. He is..that is I am pretty sure we are...
that we have these strong feelings and we are calling them the L-word (not lesbian) and it fills me with joy and expectation, and makes me feel the alive and thrilled and I can't help but marvel at a feeling that seems so strong and so right after such a short period of time. This man occupies my thoughts, I want to talk to him about everything that happens in my day, I wish I were going home to him at night. I want to know how he feels about where the climax is in Henry V( St crispin Day speach) and what colour my hair should be (red). But I am terrifired, terrified at the distance, at the different places we are in life and at how we are essentially such different people but mostly I am afraid that once he KNOWS me he'll stop feeling the way he does. Or he'll get bored and frustrated with the distance, or we can't make the gypsy like existence of an actor work. Or he'll hurt me. Or I him. I am the most terrified of the fact that all these rational very Brooke feelings don't mean much of anything to me right now because all i want is him. I want to be full of him or more correctly I want my life to be full of US. I have never never felt this way before. It seems a rare and valuable thing and I really don't want to fuck it up. I've never wanted anything as much as I wanted Theatre before, that I kinda do want something else as much now, almost, and he is a Man, and I feel this all so quickly is rearranging the constellations of my life. I am full to brimming with it. That is all. I had to post it into the ether and set it free.
There is this man. In CA. He is..that is I am pretty sure we are...
that we have these strong feelings and we are calling them the L-word (not lesbian) and it fills me with joy and expectation, and makes me feel the alive and thrilled and I can't help but marvel at a feeling that seems so strong and so right after such a short period of time. This man occupies my thoughts, I want to talk to him about everything that happens in my day, I wish I were going home to him at night. I want to know how he feels about where the climax is in Henry V( St crispin Day speach) and what colour my hair should be (red). But I am terrifired, terrified at the distance, at the different places we are in life and at how we are essentially such different people but mostly I am afraid that once he KNOWS me he'll stop feeling the way he does. Or he'll get bored and frustrated with the distance, or we can't make the gypsy like existence of an actor work. Or he'll hurt me. Or I him. I am the most terrified of the fact that all these rational very Brooke feelings don't mean much of anything to me right now because all i want is him. I want to be full of him or more correctly I want my life to be full of US. I have never never felt this way before. It seems a rare and valuable thing and I really don't want to fuck it up. I've never wanted anything as much as I wanted Theatre before, that I kinda do want something else as much now, almost, and he is a Man, and I feel this all so quickly is rearranging the constellations of my life. I am full to brimming with it. That is all. I had to post it into the ether and set it free.