I found a funny letter for us girls making our "life changes"..
Hello Sweetheart..... How are you feeling today? I've been hearing talk all over town that you have been thinking about leaving me. Haven't I been there for you?......... Haven't I been home every single night waiting patiently for you to come in? .....I'm on every corner in some shape or form just waiting for you to drive by and think about me............... Haven't I given You all the Fat and Calories that any female has even wanted?............ Didn't I raise your Cholestorol level to an all time high?............. Didn't I make your Heart beat faster than anything else?....... Who fixed it so that you could lay around and do nothing all day? "I did".......... You told me that I was the Sweetest thing in your life..... "Don't leave me Baby".
I thought you loved the way I make the fat hang over your jeans whenever you sit down, or the way I make your thighs wrinkle whenever you cross your legs. Have you forgotten how my Sugar gets you so High? I know that eventually it brings you down again, and I apologize for that," But I can't help it sweetie.... that's just the way I am"
I admit that I love when you think that people don't want you around anymore because I have made you so Fat and Uncomfortable that you refuse to participate anymore............."That's my girl, I can have you all to myself now"
Hey darling, What is this I hear about you flirting with Lettuce and Tomato at the grocery store? ....What's going on with that?...... Was water there?...... Did you happen to run into Whole grain bread too? They all run together you know............. I'm not sure if this is true, but I hear they only deal with women who have self-esteem and self-worth! and I recognized from the beginning of our relationship that you didn't have either one of those qualities Sweetheart....... Baby I know that you Don't care enough about yourself to walk 2-3 days a week............. Do a little yoga with a friend.... Or a few crunches here and there........... I understand the fact that some Women really don't want to get to know themselves....... Because if they do, They just might have to deal with some issue that they would rather keep buried inside...... That's o.k. with me Cupcake....... Just keep it all inside........ "Because I'm here for you"
Listen up girl, If you have been thinking about having breakfast with Cantaloupe and Oatmeal.........."Forget About It"......They can't do a darn thing for you except bring you down, Way Down! ......You don't need to be healthy and feel pretty.... You don't need to get down to your idea weight, or eat foods that were created especially for you! What would you look like munching on fresh Bell Peppers and Sweet Onions that was cooked in Olive Oil, with some Whole-Grain Rice and a piece of Baked Fish seasoned to your liking? .................................Everyone knows that you are not on that level my Dear.
Speaking of water, He thinks he is all of that........... Believe me baby, he is nothing compared to me..... I hear that he is Cheap, easy to get to, and has no Color or Flavor!!!!........ Unlike me, I come in all Flavors, Shapes, Sizes and Colors, and I am more Expensive too! ...... "I think its about time that I shared something with you my dove................ "I lost my last Women to Water you know"....... She started hanging out with Healthy and his buddies, and the next thing I knew...."She was too darn Healthy to deal with me anymore"...Sure, I run into her every now and then.........."But all I ever here from her is...You sure do smell good today" or "Your sure looking good Unhealthy" and she just keep on going.........But that is o.k....."Because I have you now"...........All I'm trying to say is "I Love You" and I am here to fill that empty heart of yours...... in case you get Lonely, Stressed out, or B. I'll be here to satisfy your every craving. I've been here for you when you felt like you had nobody at all..... I'll never leave you baby!
Listen girl, if you stick with me I promise you "There will be Bigger and Better things to come" ........On the other hand, if you do decide to start dealing with Healthy Foods........... "I can only Guarantee You one thing My love............. "YOU WILL BE LOSING ME"
Signed Unhealthy Foods
P.S. don't go changing
I thought you loved the way I make the fat hang over your jeans whenever you sit down, or the way I make your thighs wrinkle whenever you cross your legs. Have you forgotten how my Sugar gets you so High? I know that eventually it brings you down again, and I apologize for that," But I can't help it sweetie.... that's just the way I am"
I admit that I love when you think that people don't want you around anymore because I have made you so Fat and Uncomfortable that you refuse to participate anymore............."That's my girl, I can have you all to myself now"
Hey darling, What is this I hear about you flirting with Lettuce and Tomato at the grocery store? ....What's going on with that?...... Was water there?...... Did you happen to run into Whole grain bread too? They all run together you know............. I'm not sure if this is true, but I hear they only deal with women who have self-esteem and self-worth! and I recognized from the beginning of our relationship that you didn't have either one of those qualities Sweetheart....... Baby I know that you Don't care enough about yourself to walk 2-3 days a week............. Do a little yoga with a friend.... Or a few crunches here and there........... I understand the fact that some Women really don't want to get to know themselves....... Because if they do, They just might have to deal with some issue that they would rather keep buried inside...... That's o.k. with me Cupcake....... Just keep it all inside........ "Because I'm here for you"
Listen up girl, If you have been thinking about having breakfast with Cantaloupe and Oatmeal.........."Forget About It"......They can't do a darn thing for you except bring you down, Way Down! ......You don't need to be healthy and feel pretty.... You don't need to get down to your idea weight, or eat foods that were created especially for you! What would you look like munching on fresh Bell Peppers and Sweet Onions that was cooked in Olive Oil, with some Whole-Grain Rice and a piece of Baked Fish seasoned to your liking? .................................Everyone knows that you are not on that level my Dear.
Speaking of water, He thinks he is all of that........... Believe me baby, he is nothing compared to me..... I hear that he is Cheap, easy to get to, and has no Color or Flavor!!!!........ Unlike me, I come in all Flavors, Shapes, Sizes and Colors, and I am more Expensive too! ...... "I think its about time that I shared something with you my dove................ "I lost my last Women to Water you know"....... She started hanging out with Healthy and his buddies, and the next thing I knew...."She was too darn Healthy to deal with me anymore"...Sure, I run into her every now and then.........."But all I ever here from her is...You sure do smell good today" or "Your sure looking good Unhealthy" and she just keep on going.........But that is o.k....."Because I have you now"...........All I'm trying to say is "I Love You" and I am here to fill that empty heart of yours...... in case you get Lonely, Stressed out, or B. I'll be here to satisfy your every craving. I've been here for you when you felt like you had nobody at all..... I'll never leave you baby!
Listen girl, if you stick with me I promise you "There will be Bigger and Better things to come" ........On the other hand, if you do decide to start dealing with Healthy Foods........... "I can only Guarantee You one thing My love............. "YOU WILL BE LOSING ME"
Signed Unhealthy Foods
P.S. don't go changing