Gaging On the Words Put in My Mouth
I'm very anti-parent right now.
I had a semi-long conversation with my older brother the other afternoon and I feel for him deeply. He wants nothing more than to leave the house, to seek freedom away for our crazy parents...who have gone even more crazy than before. My parents pretty much have my brother convinced that he is a no-good, worthless piece of shit. I wish there was something that I could do besides telling him just how much he means.
I never want to go home again. Well, I guess that all does depend on how my dad acts towards me when/if he lets my sister drive up here some weekend before Thanksgiving. We aren't speaking still.. it's been a little over a month. He called me yesterday just to tell me that I owe money on a doctor's bill then he let me go. If/when he comes here and if he bitches me out, I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know if I'm going sit and take it, or yell back, or just cry and run off... I don't know. All I know is that this bothers me, like it always has time and time before, just this time I know it's serious. But, what bothers me even more is what my brother told me my mom said. I never thought my mom would put words in my mouth.
She has been feeding my dad lines about how I KNOW that I am using him, and that I'M OK WITH DOING SO....
Never in my life would I purposely use someone, and even more so, I would NEVER be ok in doing so. I can't believe my mom would say that about me. I thought that she would know me better than that. It's like a slap in my face, a bruise on my dignity. It makes me very sad. She should know that whenever anyone does anything, even the littlest of gestures, I am embarassed about it and thank the person 1 million times for going out of their way for me. I just don't see what I might have said that would make her ever say that to my dad. Grrr...
So, if things don't improve, I'm going to be looking for ways to stay up here and work with a free place to stay..and if there is no way I can stay in the dorms over breaks, I don't know what I'm going to do. I guess I should just suck it up and worry about it when the time comes.
I had a semi-long conversation with my older brother the other afternoon and I feel for him deeply. He wants nothing more than to leave the house, to seek freedom away for our crazy parents...who have gone even more crazy than before. My parents pretty much have my brother convinced that he is a no-good, worthless piece of shit. I wish there was something that I could do besides telling him just how much he means.
I never want to go home again. Well, I guess that all does depend on how my dad acts towards me when/if he lets my sister drive up here some weekend before Thanksgiving. We aren't speaking still.. it's been a little over a month. He called me yesterday just to tell me that I owe money on a doctor's bill then he let me go. If/when he comes here and if he bitches me out, I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know if I'm going sit and take it, or yell back, or just cry and run off... I don't know. All I know is that this bothers me, like it always has time and time before, just this time I know it's serious. But, what bothers me even more is what my brother told me my mom said. I never thought my mom would put words in my mouth.
She has been feeding my dad lines about how I KNOW that I am using him, and that I'M OK WITH DOING SO....
Never in my life would I purposely use someone, and even more so, I would NEVER be ok in doing so. I can't believe my mom would say that about me. I thought that she would know me better than that. It's like a slap in my face, a bruise on my dignity. It makes me very sad. She should know that whenever anyone does anything, even the littlest of gestures, I am embarassed about it and thank the person 1 million times for going out of their way for me. I just don't see what I might have said that would make her ever say that to my dad. Grrr...
So, if things don't improve, I'm going to be looking for ways to stay up here and work with a free place to stay..and if there is no way I can stay in the dorms over breaks, I don't know what I'm going to do. I guess I should just suck it up and worry about it when the time comes.