Love should never be that hard - Part 8

[girlnamedclark]

Title: Love should never be that hard
Author: girlnamedclark
Rating: PG for the first chapters, eventual PG-13 and NC-17
Length: 43227~the entire thing
Spoilers: not really. mainly AU
Summary: “…We first met long before the society’s ways separated us - first grade. At that time, there were no popular kids’ groups, or anything. I was just Rachel and she was just Quinn…”  it’s high school and Rachel and Quinn are best friends, even though mainly outside high school, seeing that they each have their circle of friends.

A/N: Rachel’s POV only in the first chapter/prologue. Quinn’s POV only in the last chapter/epilogue.
A/N2: I incorporated the episodes on my multi-chaptered fic titled Cheaters in this fic, because it fitted. So I apologize anyone who has read the fic.

Part 8
Rachel’s always-empty house started to show itself useful, being the place of their meetings after school. Rachel had been using a range of different excuses for Finn - until she found out that simply telling him that she was starting to have yoga classes from four to five was the simplest way to have that moment for herself - or rather, for themselves.

But then, eventually and ungratefully, the five o’clock came, and Finn imposed himself. That afternoon he had barely missed Quinn - the blonde had been careless about the time and Rachel had been to blame as well - as he parked outside Rachel’s house.

Rachel looked at herself in the mirror - she was slightly flushed and suspiciously sweaty. She washed her face with cold water, to try to disguise both facts. The bed was slightly undone, but she didn’t really bother fixing it. She had no plans to stay in her room, for the rest of the afternoon.

She had already planned suggesting going to see a movie, when Finn was bursting inside her room, pausing to kiss her, before sitting on her bed.
“Hey” Rachel said, slightly uncomfortable with the fact that someone else was in the room when she practically could still sense Quinn’s scent “what do you think about a movie?”.

Finn stared up at her, those piercing green eyes “I don’t really feel like going to the cinema” he says, bummed.

Rachel takes only a moment to recompose herself with another suggestion “what about…”.

“Rachel, I would really preferred if we just stayed here and relaxed” Finn said, wearily. He paused “is that okay with you?”.

Rachel stood there, not really knowing what to answer. She couldn’t answer no, could she? She would have to be a reason, and he would want to know it. Well, she couldn’t tell him her reason.

“Sure” she said, forcing herself to smile, as she walked towards the sound system, bending down and turning it on in a random radio station.

When she turned around, Finn was expectantly looking at her, still on her bed. Rachel started feeling her heart racing, and not in a good way. She, slowly and shyly, sat on her bed, on the opposite side of Finn, trying not to seem really inviting. She either failed - or he didn’t care - because he slid himself over, until he was by her side. Firstly, he touched her arm. Such simple gesture that Rachel knew Quinn could make shiver all of her skin. With Finn it only felt like someone - no one in special - was touching her. Then he leaned in to kiss her. Rachel took his kiss, replying not much enthusiastically.

Gently, he started rolling to Rachel’s top, making her lean against the soft pillows behind her.

Rachel’s heart - already fast with nerves - speed up to worryingly fast - almost like she was having an heart attack. She was breathing fast, trying not to faint. She was feeling utterly sick.

The tears assaulted her eyes before she could try to prevent them.

He didn’t notice any of this symptoms and he slid his lips to Rachel’s neck. Rachel didn’t do anything about it. How could she tell him that every touch of him made her feel sick, that his kisses felt sick to her?

She realized what was happening. The acute pain in her chest gave it out. She was having a panic attack. She had been on the edge of many before, but she had always managed to calm herself down. At that moment, she couldn’t.

She felt nauseated, frightened, claustrophobic.

“Finn…” she managed to sob.

He immediately noticed her tone and looked at her tears confusedly, slightly parting their bodies “Rachel…” he mumbled, worriedly.

“I can’t… Finn… don’t” she said, now bursting into heavy tears and hard sobs.

Quinn had found peace in her new-found alone time. After five pm she had the entire afternoon free. Well, before all that happened she usually occupied her afternoons going to the mall with her friends, or to a mani-pedi, or the hair salon, or to the diner where they ordered low calories milkshakes and didn’t pay for them because the waiters couldn’t resist their charms.

Well, now, Quinn didn’t get much gratification from those activities. Her friends annoyed her with the shallow talk - that she used to have - and they annoyed her even more with their convictions that Quinn wasn’t telling them something. Which was - obviously - the truth, but Quinn just couldn’t stand one more of their speeches about how they always told her everything.

So Quinn, slowly, started getting the hang of spending sometime by herself. It wasn’t all bad. She went to the gym, sometimes, not more often because the men’s stares were sickening; she went to the hair salon by herself, something that she had never done before; she caught up with her reading; she started buying architecture magazines. It was relaxing and enjoyable, even though she would give it all up for someone’s - a specific person - company.

As if taking her cue, Rachel knocked at Quinn’s room door, after her maid had let her in the house.

Quinn was utterly surprised by seeing there - Rachel usually wasn’t done with Finn until seven and an half o’clock, time that Quinn called her and they chatted until one of them had to hang up.
“Rachel”.

She had her eyes red - she had been crying, surely, even though her eyes were dry at the moment - and she had a strange expression in her face “I ended. I broke up with him” she announced.

Quinn’s joy was only controlled because she could see that Rachel was upset about the fact. Quinn searched for Rachel’s eyes, caringly “I’m sorry, Rach. Are you okay?”.

Rachel bit her lip, as if to suppress the tears that were demanding another appearance and nodded. Quinn involved the smaller girl in her arms, holding her close. That didn’t succeed in making Rachel’s tears stop - it actually fed them.

“I had to. Quinn” Rachel looked at Quinn’s eyes, deathly serious “as crazy as this might sound to you, when he kissed me, when he touched me, I couldn’t help but to feel I was cheating on you”.

Quinn’s heart melted with Rachel’s words and, once again, she pulled the girl for a tight hug, kissing her cheek.

It annoyed Rachel that when Finn passed by her and her friends in school, her friends would always take the time to give him their pity glares. First of all, she just knew that Finn wouldn’t like to be treated as the poor sad guy and second of all, her friends were all about supporting him, and nothing about supporting her.

Just because Rachel had been the one ending it, it didn’t mean that this was being easy to her. Because it wasn’t. She actually really liked Finn. She liked him like a best friend, or even a brother. It wasn’t her fault that she couldn’t love him; it wasn’t her fault that she was in love with someone else. And Rachel actually defended that she had done the right thing about leaving him and not leading him on when she couldn’t reciprocate the feelings that he had towards her. Sure, she should have done it before - before all that - but she did it, eventually, and it wasn’t easy.

When Rachel thought about saying that she really wanted them to stay friends, she thought it was the biggest cliché and unoriginal and cheeky thing to say to a guy when you’re breaking up with him. So, she didn’t say it. But, the truth was that she actually would like them to stay friends. She wished that they could reach a point - eventually - where they could be everything they were before, minus the kissing. Because, if Rachel thought of it closely, what she had with Finn was pure friendship - mixed with make out sessions. She liked spending time with him, doing activities, going to concerts, going to the cinema, with him.

She didn’t tell Finn about Quinn, of course not, but she didn’t even mention that there was someone else. She thought it would be uncalled for. What he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him.

It had been a short week after Rachel had ended her relationship with Finn. They hadn’t talked since, even though Finn always politely greeted Rachel with a nod when they crossed paths. So, everything wasn’t lost, Rachel thought. He couldn’t hate her if he greeted her everyday, right? He was hurt and sad, but he didn’t hate her.

Quinn’s parents were out for dinner with the minister. Quinn had briskly avoided the boring occasion by faking sneezes and declaring that she must be starting to get a flu. Her mother - that nothing knew about medicine - recommended her a hot bath and an early night. Quinn complied on the first command.

“So what movie are we watching tonight?” Rachel inquired, excitedly, with her legs crossed over Quinn’s bed, when Quinn came in with a cup of coffee for her.

Quinn arched her eyebrow to Rachel. She really thought they were going to watch a movie?

Apparently she did, because she had already selected a bunch of DVD’s from Quinn’s collection. Mostly musicals, Quinn noticed, before rolling her eyes. She would be damned if she was going to watch “Funny Girl” again. It was okay the first time, but the three after that had been utterly annoying.

Quinn handed her the cup of coffee - which she took with a sweet smile - and she sat by Rachel’s side, on the bed.

“Rach, TV wasn’t exactly what I was planning for this evening?”.

Rachel was about to ask her what she had planned, but then she caught Quinn’s expression - which she knew too well. Rachel couldn’t help but to smile, but shaking her head.
“Quinn, Kurt made me go with him to the gym for an entire hour this afternoon” she told her, as a parent explains to their child why she can’t visit the moon before dinner “I’m exhausted”.

Quinn gave up, because she knew that later she could catch Rachel off guard.

They selected a movie - not a musical, in the name of Quinn’s sanity - and they pressed play, turning off all the lights in the room to create the right ambient. Fortunately for Quinn, it was the right ambient for movies and for something else.

There hadn’t passed even 15 minutes of the movie and Rachel felt Quinn leaning closer to her. She smiled, completely aware of what Quinn meant, but not planning on let her take the best out of her. Quinn’s hand rested on Rachel’s knee… for a moment. Then, slowly, her hand started sliding her path until it was on Rachel’s thigh, delicately. Rachel felt herself shiver and shudder. She stopped the blonde’s hand. When she looked at Quinn, she saw the blonde naughtily smiling to her, knowing that she was having an effect on Rachel.

Then Quinn acted fast. When Rachel noticed, Quinn had climbed on top of her and she was kissing her neck. It felt very stimulating, and the mattress was comfortable, but Rachel’s body felt like it had been through the Vietnam war and walked back to America by its own.

“Quinn…” Rachel mumbled, slightly amused.

Quinn ignored her.

“I can’t hardly move” Rachel said, and surprisingly she wasn’t annoyed by Quinn’s perseverance. She knew how annoying Finn was when he did the same thing as the stunning blond was doing at that moment.

“That’s okay, I’ll do all the work” Quinn quickly answered, not parting her lips from Rachel’s neck. Rachel laughed, loud and with her entire body, as one should laugh.

“Quinn” she then pleaded, once more, her voice more steady and demanding.

Quinn sighed heavily, sliding to Rachel’s side immediately and annoyed “fine, we’ll watch the damn movie like an old couple if that’s what you want!”.

Rachel’s coherence was suddenly detained by Quinn’s mention of the word couple. Was she implying?...

Quinn was now moping by Rachel’s side, being very careful not to touch Rachel at all, as part of her punishment. Her arms were firmly crossed and, even through the darkness, Rachel could see her lips pressed. Could she be any more adorable?

“Quinn?”.

Quinn didn’t answer, her eyes strictly fixed on the TV screen.

“I changed my mind” Rachel said, with a smile. She saw immediately saw Quinn’s mope disappearing, as she got closer.

Rachel had put all of her clothes back on - because the eminent arrival of Quinn’s parents was heavy on her mind -; Quinn decided to put on a comfy pyjama instead. Rachel cuddled against Quinn’s side as they lied in bed. The movie credits have already rolled and they had watched possibly the first 20 minutes of the movie - well, Quinn didn’t even pay attention to those, because she was too busy planning how she could get Rachel “in the mood”.

“Do you want me to go?” Rachel asks, shyly, because it’s getting late and Quinn did use the sick-excuse with Mrs Fabray. Rachel would hate to be seen by Quinn’s mother that night because, firstly, it would ruin Quinn’s alibi and secondly, the woman is just plain scary.

Quinn shakes her head.

Rachel’s not tranquil “what would happen if our parents found out?” she asks more to the air than everything else.

“About?” Quinn asks, naturally.

“Us” Rachel simply replied.
“Oh God, I don’t even want to think about that!” Quinn cries, horrified.

Rachel stares at Quinn’s face, curiously “would it be that bad?” she asks, slightly frowning.

“You’re obviously not the one who’s parents would burn her like a witch if they found out” Quinn replied back.

“I don’t think it would be that bad, Quinn, you’re their daughter”.

“You keep saying that. That I’m their daughter. Like it mattered” Quinn says, with disdain to the own subject “for Fabray’s family is a prize. If you don’t behave, if you don’t act and be exactly as they want you to be, you don’t get the prize. Well, my parents and… same-sex relationships don’t match”.

“Quinn, do you really think your parents would kick you out if they found out about us?” Rachel asks, incredulously.

“Rachel” Quinn’s voice is controlled, serene “you don’t know my parents”.

Rachel holds Quinn closer, inhaling her scent. She falls in a thoughtful silence, and Quinn does too.

“What about Brad?” Rachel asks, suddenly.

“What about him?” Quinn asks back.

“He’s gay. Pretty obviously gay, for what you told me. And he’s a Fabray”.

“He’s not a Fabray, he’s a Dennis. My aunt’s maiden name was Fabray but she married my uncle, Simon Dennis, a fireman. Needless to say, as soon as she gave up the name and married a fireman, she stopped existing for my grandparents. Having a gay son was only another reason not to ever invite them for Christmas. My parents and my uncles don’t get along, as you might have now figured out. Brad is never invited to our house”.

“Quinn, I don’t know what to tell you but I really don’t think they would…”

“Rachel, please understand that my parents are not like your dads. Your dads might have a lot of flaws, but they are not - and I guarantee you - even close to mine” Quinn cut “for my parents - and I’m not making it up, I’ve heard them admitting - homosexuality is a disease. Not that I’m saying that I’m gay, but this” Quinn pointed to her and Rachel “wouldn’t surely seem healthy to them. So no, Rachel, my parents could never know about us. That would be worst thing that could happen, in my entire life”.

There’s another thoughtful silence. Quinn’s desperately trying to think about something else, while Rachel’s mind is already somewhere else. They lie there, in silence, for about ten minutes, until Rachel suddenly turns around, being on top of Quinn. She’s straddling Quinn’s waist, as the blonde is leaned against a pile of pillows. They’re looking at each other in the eye.
“Quinn” Rachel says, hesitantly. Quinn’s eyes shine, right in front of her “do you love me?”.

Quinn stares at Rachel for a moment. Rachel notices as Quinn’s lips relax, and she seems to be ready to let out a sigh, when another word comes out instead “yes”.

“I love you too” and, for the first time, Rachel feels what she knew she was supposed to feel when pronouncing those words: she has butterflies in her stomach, she feels like she’s about to cry and she knows that the memory of that moment would cling to her for eternity.

One afternoon, Rachel is called from her Geometry class to go to the principal’s office.

When she gets inside the office, she finds that there’s another man beside the principal, and she recognises Mr Schuester, the Spanish teacher.

Principal Figgins greets Rachel with a contained smile, pointing out to her the chair in front of his secretary, next to the one Mr Schue is sitting. Rachel sheepishly sat there, waiting for the principal to start speaking.

“Rachel” Mr Schue started, naturally “how are you today?”.

Rachel looked confusedly at Mr Schue “fine. How are you, sir?”.

He threw his head back, letting out a strong and loud laugher, and Rachel seriously wondered if he was some-type of crazy “I’m terrific, thanks for asking!”.

Rachel felt herself shrug. He asked her first.

“So Rachel, you’re probably wonder why did I have you called to my office this afternoon?” Mr Figgins started, interrupting Mr Schue’s laugher.

Rachel shrugged again, pursing her lips together. She was slightly nervous about the fact that she had no idea what possibly she could have done.

“Well, you are an amazing singer”.

Rachel lifted her eyes, utterly surprised. She felt like answering thank you, but the Mr Schue anticipated to her.

“I know that you probably already know that. And that was not why I called you here” oh, Rachel thought “I called you here to ask if you were aware that, when you performed here in this auditorium’s school, there was a specific gentleman on the audience that had came exactly to see - or rather listen - to you singing”.

“Which time?” Rachel felt the need to ask. She had performed many, many times since she started going to McKinley High.
“Well, last time” Mr Schue frowned for a mere moment, before returning to his upbeat expression “well, he’s name is Matt Finley. He’s connected to Eric Rogers who - you might ask - is a person very experienced in recognising people who are special and make sure that they are the best that they can be”.

Rachel stared at him, blankly.

“He’s a manager” the principal finally explained, cutting their conversation.

“A manager?” Rachel repeated, as such words weren’t meaningful to her.
“Right, Rachel. And Matt is a talent spotter. I went to college with him and, casually, I brought your name up when we met some time ago for coffee. He was more than happy to come here and to check if the praising that I did was objective, or simply provoked by the teacher’s-proud-syndrome” Mr Schue gave her one of his slightly embarrassing, but charming, smiles.

Rachel waited him to continue, almost holding her breath.

“He was very interested on what he saw. Heard. I didn’t tell you anything about it before, because I didn’t want to disappoint you, if this turned out to be just a dead end, but the fact is that Matt was interested enough to have a talk to Eric about you and the man himself agreed on taking a moment of his busy day to come down and listen to you sing, live, at McKinley anniversary party”.

Of all of what Mr Schue had just said, only one thing Rachel had been able to grasp “I’m going to sing at the Annual party?”.

“Indeed, Rachel” he answered, with an amused smile.

Firstly, Rachel hadn’t process it. Then, as the realization slowly hit her, so did the excitement and so did the nerves. The principal gave her the permission to use the choir room to start practicing immediatly. The Annual party was only slightly more than a week away and that seemed awfully close for preparing for something that could change Rachel’s life.

Rachel wasn’t sure if she wanted to be a singer. She absolutely loved to sing and she loved music, but she wasn’t sure if that was all she wanted for herself. If Rachel was honest, she had always imagined herself acting and singing, and even though that first talent she had never had the opportunity to show, she really thought she could be good at it.

After almost two hours of voice exercises and trying to decide which song she was going to perform, Rachel finally left the school buildings. Home was not the way she was going.

Consuelo, the maid, opened the door to Rachel and she frolicked upstairs excitedly

“Quinn!” she opened the room’s door without even remembering to knock or anything “do I have news!”.

The blonde was lying on top of her bed, leaning against a pile of pillows, her knees bent and a book casually on her lap. She stared at Rachel over the book, with an arched eyebrow.

“I still can’t believe this is happening!” Rachel continued, sitting on the edge of the bed, smiling uncontrollably but the blonde remained there, staring at her weirdly, without any excitement. Rachel’s smile faded, and she stared back at Quinn “what’s up with you?”.

“What’s up with me? You’ve just stood me up for two entire hours!” the blonde cried, unbelievably, closing her book abruptly.

“Didn’t you get my message?” Rachel asked, confusedly.
“I did, but you didn’t even explain why you weren’t coming!” Quinn continued.

Rachel felt a huge wave of annoyance. There was she, with the most important news to give, and Quinn couldn’t stop complaining just because she hadn’t been with her the entire afternoon. Rachel forced herself to calm down, because she didn’t want to start a fight. However, she took too much attention to her tone, and too little to her words “Quinn, I have a really amazing thing that I want to tell you and you are acting like a bitch” she said, calmly.

“I’m acting like a bitch?!” Quinn exploded, jumping to her feet “it’s so interesting how you can invert everything. I was here alone and you were the one who disappeared without any explanations and now, suddenly, the problem is me!”.

Rachel stared at her, her eyebrows high in her forehead as much as possible. Her glare was all that Quinn needed to know that she was highly unimpressed by Quinn’s explosion.

“Whatever, Quinn, if you don’t want to know about it, it’s fine by me” Rachel stood up, clutching to her bag, and starting making her way towards the door. It was unbelievable how a stupid fight with Quinn had immediately vanished all the excitement Rachel was feeling about her big break.

Quinn pressed her index finger and thumb against her temples, sighing wearily, trying to calm herself down “Rachel” she called, before the brunette had reached the door.

Rachel turned around, hands fisted on her hips and daring look in her face.

Quinn bit her lip “I’m sorry”.

Rachel’s expression immediately softened. She wasn’t expecting Quinn to apologize. Yet, at least. She knew how consuming it was for the blonde to do such thing. Rachel crossed her arms, to give the appearance that she wasn’t cracking, but she already was.

“Will you tell me the news?” Quinn asked, softly, leaning her head to the side to signal adorable.

Rachel forced herself to stay mad just a little bit longer, so that Quinn had to find other more efficient ways of apologizing.

Part 9