I packed you up today
I packed all of our memories into a little green box. It hs pictures and silly magazine cut outs on the outides, but the inside is filled with so much more. Every picture of you I ever had. A copy of every cd I have ever made for you. The movie from my 19th birthday that you left here for me, becuase you knew for sure you would be back soon to get it. Both T shirts and the boxers that you left. A puppy dog you have had since you were little, that you gave to me.
The tickets from when I have come to see you, and the ticket you left in my car from when you came to see me. There are wristbands from Buffingtons, a birthday card with a letter...
It's a letter you wrote to me telling me that you love me, and that you are always thinking of me. In the letter it tells me that my smile could win the world, and not to ever lose it. Well, ironically just a few months later you are the one taking it away.
I am still in the irrational stages of coping with this, I know because I can't tell if I am angry with you or just hurt. I had closed this box once before. Closed it and buried it in the back of my closet. It even says on the outside of the box: "WARNING: Forever December rests inside this box. Open it and a flood of bad memories may occur. Stay Strong" And yet, despite the hazard label on the outside, I opened it. You opened it when you came here. You left me no choice but to go back. You made it so that I could no longer hide behind the phone and pretend that I wasn't still feeling all of the things I had felt, even three years later. You had your life in place, all ready to go...and I had my mind made up that God had been ignoring my prayers for this long, and he wouldn't start listening now. I was ready to accept the reality of what would soon happen.
Well, You came here, opened the box and added to it. Added more memories and things I thought we would build a future upon. You promised me we would build a future on these things. You asked me if I have thought about what I wanted an engagement ring to look like. You told me you loved me, and that you felt at home with me, miled awy from your "house". You tricked me into beleiving that you really had changed, and that you finally wanted me, not just some escape from the bleakness of your present reality.
Looking back now, I can't help but wonder how much if it was a lie, and ow much of it was for the "shock value" you love so much. I meant what I said when I told you I would always love you, obviousley. It's been three years. I will do what my family is telling me to do, take it one day at a time. Day by day, is what I keep hearing out of everyone that I am turning to to help me fill this enormous gaping void you have left in my life and in my heart.
I don't know that I can ever forget what you have done, or put me through. I don't know why I can't stay angry at you for more than five minutes. Yepp, that's it...five minutes, and then the waves of hurt come flooding in, and I am left, crying. Once again. I am waiting for some one to drag me out of bed and force me to get up and get on with things, and yet, nothing. day by day.
I don't want to go day by day. I don't want another second of this life without the idea of you I had in my head.
Why couldn't you have left well enough alone? You have hurt me now, again. You begged me to let you in, to let my guard down and foget about whatever it was that Houston had done to me to make me so insecure and so jaded. I did. I gave you all of my heart and trusted you with it. I opened up to you completly and you took it and ran with it. You, like you hate so much, used everything I had given you against me. You pushed me away and took for granted all of the times I was there for you and supported you, and all of the things I had given up. You threw them in my face, and just like you always to closed your heart to me.
You took your heart and turned it off to me, in just a matter of days. And, I can't for the life of me figure out why I can't be mad at you for all of the things you did to me. I want to be angry. I want to kick and scream and yell, and yet I don't have an ounce of energy to get out of bed and reach over for my phone.
You packed me up, I supposed. You closed up shop. You taught me not to trust anyone with my heart and soul, not even my best friend. Well, you taught me well. You left me empty.
But today, I packed up all of our memories, in a little green box. I packed up all of the physical things that would remind me of you, and yet I still can't get away from it.
Congratulations, Mission accomplished.
I packed you up today.
The tickets from when I have come to see you, and the ticket you left in my car from when you came to see me. There are wristbands from Buffingtons, a birthday card with a letter...
It's a letter you wrote to me telling me that you love me, and that you are always thinking of me. In the letter it tells me that my smile could win the world, and not to ever lose it. Well, ironically just a few months later you are the one taking it away.
I am still in the irrational stages of coping with this, I know because I can't tell if I am angry with you or just hurt. I had closed this box once before. Closed it and buried it in the back of my closet. It even says on the outside of the box: "WARNING: Forever December rests inside this box. Open it and a flood of bad memories may occur. Stay Strong" And yet, despite the hazard label on the outside, I opened it. You opened it when you came here. You left me no choice but to go back. You made it so that I could no longer hide behind the phone and pretend that I wasn't still feeling all of the things I had felt, even three years later. You had your life in place, all ready to go...and I had my mind made up that God had been ignoring my prayers for this long, and he wouldn't start listening now. I was ready to accept the reality of what would soon happen.
Well, You came here, opened the box and added to it. Added more memories and things I thought we would build a future upon. You promised me we would build a future on these things. You asked me if I have thought about what I wanted an engagement ring to look like. You told me you loved me, and that you felt at home with me, miled awy from your "house". You tricked me into beleiving that you really had changed, and that you finally wanted me, not just some escape from the bleakness of your present reality.
Looking back now, I can't help but wonder how much if it was a lie, and ow much of it was for the "shock value" you love so much. I meant what I said when I told you I would always love you, obviousley. It's been three years. I will do what my family is telling me to do, take it one day at a time. Day by day, is what I keep hearing out of everyone that I am turning to to help me fill this enormous gaping void you have left in my life and in my heart.
I don't know that I can ever forget what you have done, or put me through. I don't know why I can't stay angry at you for more than five minutes. Yepp, that's it...five minutes, and then the waves of hurt come flooding in, and I am left, crying. Once again. I am waiting for some one to drag me out of bed and force me to get up and get on with things, and yet, nothing. day by day.
I don't want to go day by day. I don't want another second of this life without the idea of you I had in my head.
Why couldn't you have left well enough alone? You have hurt me now, again. You begged me to let you in, to let my guard down and foget about whatever it was that Houston had done to me to make me so insecure and so jaded. I did. I gave you all of my heart and trusted you with it. I opened up to you completly and you took it and ran with it. You, like you hate so much, used everything I had given you against me. You pushed me away and took for granted all of the times I was there for you and supported you, and all of the things I had given up. You threw them in my face, and just like you always to closed your heart to me.
You took your heart and turned it off to me, in just a matter of days. And, I can't for the life of me figure out why I can't be mad at you for all of the things you did to me. I want to be angry. I want to kick and scream and yell, and yet I don't have an ounce of energy to get out of bed and reach over for my phone.
You packed me up, I supposed. You closed up shop. You taught me not to trust anyone with my heart and soul, not even my best friend. Well, you taught me well. You left me empty.
But today, I packed up all of our memories, in a little green box. I packed up all of the physical things that would remind me of you, and yet I still can't get away from it.
Congratulations, Mission accomplished.
I packed you up today.