another thought
I don't know who I am nor do I know my purpose in life.... I seem to drift around pretending to think that I've got it all together and that I have a direction and I don't....
I'd say my purpose for living is my kids but that doesn't even stand true anymore. I'm so confused by all this developmental stuff that's going on with my daughter that I don't know what to do half of the time. I can't figure out how to convince my son to go to the bathroom in the toilet all the time and it frustrates me to no end.
I can't say my purpose in life is to be a good wife. Half the time I don't even care about that. I go on about what I have to do, cooking, cleaning, running errands not because I think I'm being a good wife or because I care if I am being one but because I don't know what else to do and habits are all I have.
According to my dad I should finish college... I don't care about doing it. I want to (at times) I don't want to (at others) so I do what feels right at the moment. At this moment I don't want to...
I should get a job... I apply at places, and when I tell them I've been fired I can see this slight change in the interviewers face... oh well I don't really care if I work. I do but I don't.... I want to get out of the house, it's driving me crazy to stay in the house doing the same things, day after day... but I've posted my resume on every website I can think of, applied for every position I think I'm suited for... and it all comes to nothing...
Rather than beat myself up about failing (yet again) I guess I decided not to care about it...
I'm so tired and restless at the same time.
I don't know what to do so I guess (at this time anyways) I'm not going to do anything drastic or different... I'm just going to do the same thing... so I don't do something I'll regret later.
Hope everyone else is doing a bit better...
If I've neglected you lately I'm sorry, I'm probably being selfish and I know it... I just feel all given out... call me if you want/need to talk, if it's a bad time I'll do my best to call you back. I do love you, even though I'm being a little shit right now.
I'd say my purpose for living is my kids but that doesn't even stand true anymore. I'm so confused by all this developmental stuff that's going on with my daughter that I don't know what to do half of the time. I can't figure out how to convince my son to go to the bathroom in the toilet all the time and it frustrates me to no end.
I can't say my purpose in life is to be a good wife. Half the time I don't even care about that. I go on about what I have to do, cooking, cleaning, running errands not because I think I'm being a good wife or because I care if I am being one but because I don't know what else to do and habits are all I have.
According to my dad I should finish college... I don't care about doing it. I want to (at times) I don't want to (at others) so I do what feels right at the moment. At this moment I don't want to...
I should get a job... I apply at places, and when I tell them I've been fired I can see this slight change in the interviewers face... oh well I don't really care if I work. I do but I don't.... I want to get out of the house, it's driving me crazy to stay in the house doing the same things, day after day... but I've posted my resume on every website I can think of, applied for every position I think I'm suited for... and it all comes to nothing...
Rather than beat myself up about failing (yet again) I guess I decided not to care about it...
I'm so tired and restless at the same time.
I don't know what to do so I guess (at this time anyways) I'm not going to do anything drastic or different... I'm just going to do the same thing... so I don't do something I'll regret later.
Hope everyone else is doing a bit better...
If I've neglected you lately I'm sorry, I'm probably being selfish and I know it... I just feel all given out... call me if you want/need to talk, if it's a bad time I'll do my best to call you back. I do love you, even though I'm being a little shit right now.