how much has changed
in a year since my grandfather died.
in ten years since I graduated high school.
In senior year of high school, we made time capsules that chronicled our best friends, influential people and mentors in our lives, favorite bands, favorite foods, and plans for the future. We wrote each other letters and provided dates that the letters should be opened.
So much has changed so quickly, but some things haven't at all. In the time capsule, I wrote a letter to my future self. I read it today. I didn't really make predictions about where I would be, who I would be with, what I would be doing. If you asked me today about where I will be ten years from now, I don't know that I have an answer. I didn't then either.
I had a vague idea. I would go to college. I would travel. I would have romantic relationships. I would get a "real job." Ten years ago, I didn't think I wanted to have children, to have a house, I didn't really make concrete plans. At the high school graduation party of one of my best girlfriends, I ran into a childhood friend who I hadn't seen in years. I remember talking about all of the things that I wanted to do and places I wanted to go. He replied condescendingly, sarcastically, about all of the things I wanted to do, that I hoped to do - there were many. He probably doesn't remember the conversation, but I remember it very clearly.
In reality, I have done most of those things. I returned to England, I traveled to Thailand, I went to college, I lived away from my family, I met new people. I pushed my own limits on purpose, moving to places where I didn't know people and where I didn't feel comfortable, because I felt it was important in my own self-development. And I promised myself, no matter what happened, that I wouldn't move back home. I couldn't imagine myself back there.
But here we are, 10 years later, and I am back. Not for the first time, but for the second. I still feel ambivalent about having kids, owning a house, and being a grown up. I guess that maybe, what I have realized through the years and the distance, is that having a support system is important to me. Being close to my family and my friends means more to me than I thought it would. Scary, sad, difficult-to-understand things happen more frequently to the people we love as we get older. And it's important to me to be here through all of that.
And I am comforted by the fact that many of the people who were most important and influential to me 10 years ago are the same today.
in ten years since I graduated high school.
In senior year of high school, we made time capsules that chronicled our best friends, influential people and mentors in our lives, favorite bands, favorite foods, and plans for the future. We wrote each other letters and provided dates that the letters should be opened.
So much has changed so quickly, but some things haven't at all. In the time capsule, I wrote a letter to my future self. I read it today. I didn't really make predictions about where I would be, who I would be with, what I would be doing. If you asked me today about where I will be ten years from now, I don't know that I have an answer. I didn't then either.
I had a vague idea. I would go to college. I would travel. I would have romantic relationships. I would get a "real job." Ten years ago, I didn't think I wanted to have children, to have a house, I didn't really make concrete plans. At the high school graduation party of one of my best girlfriends, I ran into a childhood friend who I hadn't seen in years. I remember talking about all of the things that I wanted to do and places I wanted to go. He replied condescendingly, sarcastically, about all of the things I wanted to do, that I hoped to do - there were many. He probably doesn't remember the conversation, but I remember it very clearly.
In reality, I have done most of those things. I returned to England, I traveled to Thailand, I went to college, I lived away from my family, I met new people. I pushed my own limits on purpose, moving to places where I didn't know people and where I didn't feel comfortable, because I felt it was important in my own self-development. And I promised myself, no matter what happened, that I wouldn't move back home. I couldn't imagine myself back there.
But here we are, 10 years later, and I am back. Not for the first time, but for the second. I still feel ambivalent about having kids, owning a house, and being a grown up. I guess that maybe, what I have realized through the years and the distance, is that having a support system is important to me. Being close to my family and my friends means more to me than I thought it would. Scary, sad, difficult-to-understand things happen more frequently to the people we love as we get older. And it's important to me to be here through all of that.
And I am comforted by the fact that many of the people who were most important and influential to me 10 years ago are the same today.