friendship
here is my public post about this...in response to a blog post in another community...not that I think the intended party is going to read it, because I think that's pretty unlikely...but here it is, just in case.
I think that in an ideal world, friends are there for each other, no matter what. I'd-give-you-the-shirt-off-my-back, the-blanket-off-my-bed, the-last-piece-of-bread, the-last-dollar-that-I-have kind of "there for you." Die-hard loyalty, no exceptions.
And for many, many, many years, that's how I attempted to conduct my friendships. And it was exhausting. And it was gut-wrenching. And it was heartbreaking. It was never reciprocated in a way that I felt was just.
And I suffered what I perceived to be some monumental betrayals and injustices before I realized that I had a choice: to choose to be friends with these people, who are human and are allowed to make mistakes, or to not have them as friends.
I chose the former. And so I am friends with people who are not perfect. Sometimes they get angry, sometimes they get depressed, sometimes they disappear for periods of time. And that doesn't mean that it doesn't annoy me or that I don't feel hurt, but I deal with it. And when whatever the issue is is resolved, we pick up right where we left off.
The truth is that at this particular juncture in my life, I don't have it in me to be that kind of die-hard loyal friend. And it doesn't mean I love my friends any less or that I value their friendship any less. What it does mean is that I'm not perfect either...that sometimes I know that I need to take care of ME, and if that means dropping off for a while to take care of my mental or physical health or my school work, or any myriad of things, I'm not going to apologize for it.
This is the way I am (at least for right now); you can take it or leave it.
I think that in an ideal world, friends are there for each other, no matter what. I'd-give-you-the-shirt-off-my-back, the-blanket-off-my-bed, the-last-piece-of-bread, the-last-dollar-that-I-have kind of "there for you." Die-hard loyalty, no exceptions.
And for many, many, many years, that's how I attempted to conduct my friendships. And it was exhausting. And it was gut-wrenching. And it was heartbreaking. It was never reciprocated in a way that I felt was just.
And I suffered what I perceived to be some monumental betrayals and injustices before I realized that I had a choice: to choose to be friends with these people, who are human and are allowed to make mistakes, or to not have them as friends.
I chose the former. And so I am friends with people who are not perfect. Sometimes they get angry, sometimes they get depressed, sometimes they disappear for periods of time. And that doesn't mean that it doesn't annoy me or that I don't feel hurt, but I deal with it. And when whatever the issue is is resolved, we pick up right where we left off.
The truth is that at this particular juncture in my life, I don't have it in me to be that kind of die-hard loyal friend. And it doesn't mean I love my friends any less or that I value their friendship any less. What it does mean is that I'm not perfect either...that sometimes I know that I need to take care of ME, and if that means dropping off for a while to take care of my mental or physical health or my school work, or any myriad of things, I'm not going to apologize for it.
This is the way I am (at least for right now); you can take it or leave it.