(no subject)
i can't fathom the fact that this is my last weekend at home. i can't lie to my own livejournal. i don't want to go. this trip is something that over the last few days i have grown to dread more and more. as exciting as the idea is, i don't feel that at this point in my life i am necessarily ready to do this. but i've been counting on this for as long as i can remember. i have to keep that in mind when i'm saying goodbye and traveling four hundred miles in the opposite direction.
things have been a little crazy lately. i've spent so much time with the few&true that really care about me. i owe my sanity to them, because they are the definition of the word loyal. i'm going to miss them all so much. there are certain events that i do not want to discuss in an online journal. all i can say is that i can't help but feel that it all started here, and here is where it should be made right. but it isn't going to be my decision. for once in my life, i'm not going to be persistent. i'm not unreachable. i'm not angry, either. i hold no real resentment toward the situation. assuming that everything works out, i don't plan on holding a grudge and crying for hours and constantly looking for answers and reassurance. there are so many things i'd like to say, but if i have to wait to say them, then i guess that's what i'll do.
i need to pack. i need to do so many things. i think i'll just sit here instead.
[eta: i miss him.]