The Amazing Battle of a College Student versus the Forces of Darkness and Cheap Consumer Goods
RAEANN VS. POP-TOP SOUP CAN
Round 1
RaeAnn pulls the pop-ring back, carefree and unsuspecting. It snaps off. RaeAnn desperately tries to reattach it, but the villainous soup can does not relent. Thus, the battle begins.
Round 2
RaeAnn alternates between pleading and swearing for several minutes. Then! An idea! SHE HAS A CAN-OPENER! Newly armed, she rushes back into the fray. However, multiple revolutions around the can's rim produce nothing but one small puncture and no tasty Bacon Cheddar soup. RaeAnn glowers. The can smirks.
Round 3
Hindered by inferior weaponry, RaeAnn turns the useless can-opener into a bludgeon and beats the can, hoping to expand upon the tiny slit and thus savor her victory (and her dinner). But there is no cruelty the soup can will not commit, for it mocks her efforts by spitting drops of broth out of the previously mentioned opening. After one of the deviant's missiles flies into her face, RaeAnn declares war and goes for the Khukri knife.
Round 4
The broad, wicked curve of RaeAnn's Indian Gurkha knife gleams demonically as she holds it poised and ready to strike. Descending, it stabs again and again, showing the soup can no mercy. However, after creating a series of essentially pointless holes, RaeAnn wonders if perhaps this is not the most sensible approach. But with no alternative but starvation or possibly leaving her room to make ramen in the second floor kitchen, she continues to drive the blade into the heartless metal that stands between her and her soup. Eventually, the series of holes connects to make a large, jagged tear. RaeAnn cackles.
Round 5
But the game is not won yet. Although the one-inch tear in the can's lid is indeed a grievous a blow to the cylindrical fiend, the can stubbornly clings to life and does not yield when RaeAnn attempts to pry the rest of the lid off with a pair of scissors. When the can continues to thwart her valiant endeavors, RaeAnn turns back to her tried and true violence, and hacks at the lid with the Khukri once more. Each fruitless assault increases her despair, but she soldiers on, and AT LAST! The can gives way and the lid caves in completely. With a cry of jubilation, RaeAnn cleans her the blood of her enemy (or just the thick, creamy cheddar broth) off the hard steel of her knife. She then heats up her hard-won soup in the microwave, and pops in a movie.
Round 1
RaeAnn pulls the pop-ring back, carefree and unsuspecting. It snaps off. RaeAnn desperately tries to reattach it, but the villainous soup can does not relent. Thus, the battle begins.
Round 2
RaeAnn alternates between pleading and swearing for several minutes. Then! An idea! SHE HAS A CAN-OPENER! Newly armed, she rushes back into the fray. However, multiple revolutions around the can's rim produce nothing but one small puncture and no tasty Bacon Cheddar soup. RaeAnn glowers. The can smirks.
Round 3
Hindered by inferior weaponry, RaeAnn turns the useless can-opener into a bludgeon and beats the can, hoping to expand upon the tiny slit and thus savor her victory (and her dinner). But there is no cruelty the soup can will not commit, for it mocks her efforts by spitting drops of broth out of the previously mentioned opening. After one of the deviant's missiles flies into her face, RaeAnn declares war and goes for the Khukri knife.
Round 4
The broad, wicked curve of RaeAnn's Indian Gurkha knife gleams demonically as she holds it poised and ready to strike. Descending, it stabs again and again, showing the soup can no mercy. However, after creating a series of essentially pointless holes, RaeAnn wonders if perhaps this is not the most sensible approach. But with no alternative but starvation or possibly leaving her room to make ramen in the second floor kitchen, she continues to drive the blade into the heartless metal that stands between her and her soup. Eventually, the series of holes connects to make a large, jagged tear. RaeAnn cackles.
Round 5
But the game is not won yet. Although the one-inch tear in the can's lid is indeed a grievous a blow to the cylindrical fiend, the can stubbornly clings to life and does not yield when RaeAnn attempts to pry the rest of the lid off with a pair of scissors. When the can continues to thwart her valiant endeavors, RaeAnn turns back to her tried and true violence, and hacks at the lid with the Khukri once more. Each fruitless assault increases her despair, but she soldiers on, and AT LAST! The can gives way and the lid caves in completely. With a cry of jubilation, RaeAnn cleans her the blood of her enemy (or just the thick, creamy cheddar broth) off the hard steel of her knife. She then heats up her hard-won soup in the microwave, and pops in a movie.