Fic: CWRPS: Fraternity
Title: Fraternity
Author: girl_wonder
Rating: R
Pairing: J/J, J/C
Summary: College AU. Jared and Chad join a frat, Jensen works food service, someone needs more body shots.
A/N: Thanks so, so much to vylit for the beta. You are a peach, sweetie!
The first time, Jared almost didn't know what was happening. Everything was dark and when he finally found a toilet, he was so relieved he didn't even care about the noises coming from the shower stall, until he was washing his hands (soap twice, air dry) and he looked up to see Chad's head, thrown back and neck white in the dim bathroom light. There was a girl on her knees in front of him, an Alpha Kappa pledge if her shirt was right.
Jared stared at Chad's face, watching until Chad's eyes opened, his mouth twisting into a grin. Rolling his eyes, Jared left.
*****
The frat had been Chad's idea, and all he'd had to do was drag Jared with him to the first few recruitment parties, and suddenly Jared was standing naked on the roof with the other pledges.
One of the brothers slapped the back of Jared's head and called him a fucking coward, a pussy whipped faggot.
Jared didn't look over at Chad, didn't comment at all, like a good little pledge.
*****
Drink 'till You Blackout night resulted in Jared waking up on the pool table, an eight ball digging into his back. The whole house smelled like urine and even the influx of girl perfume only served to make it smell stale. He'd fallen asleep on a sweatshirt. Not his.
Still, he put it on, left the house with his apartment keys and wallet. He couldn't swallow, whole throat felt like something had crawled in and died. At the bagel place under his apartment, he had to clear his throat twice before he could order, "coffee," and "plain bagel." Outside, the street was waking up, security grates being pulled up, girls walking home in sparkling tops: Walk of Shame.
Jared thought he'd steal the sweatshirt, it was warm, and he was feeling fond towards anything that kept him from showing off his own walk of shame evidence, the pornographic woman that he vaguely remembered Chad drawing on his chest in sharpie.
"Five twenty seven," the guy behind the counter said, bored, and Jared snapped to attention.
"Texas," Jared croaked.
"Yeah," the guy grinned. "You?"
"Yeah," Jared said, happily. "Me, too."
The guy gave him his change, and bagged a bagel. At home, Jared found extra cream cheese in his bag.
*****
Chad came home seven hours later, wearing sunglasses and missing all his hair.
Jared paused, cereal spoon halfway to his lips. "Dude, what happened?"
"Well," Chad went straight to the faucet, drank a full glass, until the water dribbled down his chin. "After you passed out, they shaved my head."
Staring at a patch of unshaved hair, Jared said, "They didn't do a very good job."
Shrugging, Chad put the glass in the sink. "I figured you'd fix it."
"Yeah." Jared finished his cereal, shifted over when Chad slouched down next to him. Chad relaxed, half into Jared's space, legs thrown up over the leg of the couch.
"SpongeBob?" Chad asked. He felt warm against Jared's side and Jared elbowed him in the back of the neck until he moved off of Jared's chest.
"It's a marathon," Jared said.
*****
The bagel shop Texas guy worked the Sunday morning shift, and Jared always felt vaguely bad going in with the families on their way to church when he was so clearly hungover.
He wasn't even really aware what he was doing until the guy grinned and said, "You're becoming a regular."
Sipping his coffee, waiting for them to finish toasting his bagel, he said, "Yeah?"
Shooting the shit with people who worked shit jobs was something that Chad was better at. Chad would charm most people he wasn't pissing off, and since it tended to be equal numbers, Jared was never sure when he was going to get extra fries with his burger or spit in his salad dressing.
Jared was more of an over-tipper, an apologetic customer who smiled at waitresses and got kind of irritated when Chad insisted on being a jerk to them.
The guy shrugged, thumbed towards the girls toasting bagels, putting spread on them. "Moll and Cindy think that you come for the view."
The girls were wearing shorts, tight shirts, and Jared was sure that he'd seen them playing volleyball over at Delta Nu. "Ah," he grinned and pointed upward. "Well, I live in the apartment building. It's kind of on my way."
Snorting, the guy winked, "Right."
Jared shrugged and the next Saturday, he walked right past the place, which meant he had to eat stale Wheaties with water for breakfast. When Chad dragged his ass home, Jared said, "Hey, we need to buy groceries."
"Whatever," Chad groaned, already on his way to the bathroom. *****
Being in a frat like Lambda Chi Kappa was kind of like having a free pass to be an asshole all the time. Before people really knew him they already "knew" who he was. Asshole frat brother, cute, partier, whatever label they pasted to guys that hung out in houses with Greek letters on the door.
"So, you coming to the book reading?" Sandy was sweet. A second-year Soc major, which meant that she had been around long enough not to make freshman mistakes and had enough brains to get into a capped major before her junior year. He liked her.
Still. Brothers were brothers. "No, I've gotta take out one of my brothers."
"You have family around here?" Her smile was brilliant.
"Uh, no, I'm in Lambda Chi." He ran a hand through his hair, expectantly.
"Ah," her smile dimmed. "Well, there's another one next month. And I should go if I don't want to be late."
Chad slapped his shoulder and said, "Wow. You blew that one."
"Where did you come from?" Jared asked, looked around at the passing students.
"Office hours," Chad said, his hand still on Jared's shoulder, he pushed them towards the center of campus. The clocktower. "Listen, I have an idea."
There was a weird sinking feeling in Jared's stomach.
*****
"Whoot!" Chad was thrumming with energy, and Jared grinned in return, panting a little from the run.
Who knew that campus security could run so fast? And that the golf carts could actually chase someone down?
"I want to get drunk," Chad announced. He wrapped a hand around the back of Jared's neck and said, "C'mon, J."
"Naw," Jared shook his head. "Lecture at eight."
"Jaaaared," Chad whined better than Jared's last three girlfriends.
Which was how they ended up four shots each into a bottle of tequila with Chad trying to explain to Jared the finer points of body shots.
"You always try to do it on their neck," Chad was saying, waving the salt shaker randomly. "It doesn't work like that. You get salt all the way down their dresses and then they get a little pissy. You've gotta get it right on their breasts."
Chad flicked one of Jared's nipples to prove his point.
"But doesn't that get it down their dress, too?" Jared said.
"Yeah, but," Chad seemed at a loss. "Mouth. Breasts."
Sighing, Jared had to give him that. "I think you're full of bullshit," he said. "And your body shots suck, I heard whats-her-face from Alpha Kappa say that."
"Fuck you, take that back." Jared watched the salt shaker and thought that he'd be the one cleaning up the floor tomorrow and that was kind of unfair.
"No, you, like, suck on the girls, like you're trying to give them a salt hickey," Jared started giggling like crazy. "A salty hickey."
"Do not," Chad said, like he was four. A drunken four year old, and that set off Jared again.
"Right," he said, a little Texas went a long way when it was Chad.
"Here, I'll prove it." Chad offered over a slice of lime and Jared took it, slid it so that the rind was between his teeth.
Chad unbuttoned the first few buttons of Jared's shirt, clumsily, then leaned down. Jared shivered when Chad licked a slow stripe across his collar bone, his tongue was warm, wet, and when he pulled away Jared felt goosebumps rise.
Chad salted the skin like he was at a restaurant ordering steak. Leaning down, he licked the salt off, snapped back the shot and then was suddenly at Jared's mouth.
Jared pushed the lime into Chad's mouth, found himself with his tongue half in, lips touching and he stilled. He leaned back, away. Chad blinked, sucked on the fruit for a bit, before pulling it out.
"You got salt down my shirt, ass," Jared said.
Laughing, Chad said, "But would you care?"
"I'm going to go wash off the salt, jerk." Jared stood, steadying himself on the table, and walked off.
*****
"Haven't been in in a few weeks," Texas said. He'd changed his hair, shortened it a little and it looked darker, less blonde. The two girls from Delta Nu were getting together a bag for a family, and it was 7am, Jared wasn't even sure how he was alive.
"Didn't want to get boring," Jared said, shifting a little. He was pretty sure that he had some dried soda in his hair, and he was a little confused how it had gotten there, since he'd been on keg duty all night.
It was incredibly bright for a Sunday in November, the type of sun that was saved for little kids who were stuck in church and boys with hangovers. Texas was wiping down the coffee counter, and he glanced up at Jared with a wry grin.
"Hate to see such a unique snowflake go to waste," he said, half laughing. "Is that a poppyseed bagel you want?"
"No," Jared said, rolling his eyes. "I'm switching it up, going for a sesame seed."
Cutting a poppy seed bagel in half and putting it into the toaster, Texas looked at him, amused, daring him to comment. "You always let everyone affect your decisions that way?"
"I'm in a frat," Jared said. "Goes with the territory."
Texas looked him up and down and moved out of the way so that the family could be rung up. "I could see that."
"You want coffee?" One of the sorority sisters asked.
Jared shrugged, "I think I have, like, three dollars in my pocket."
She waved him off, "It's ok. On the house, for a regular."
"Thanks," he said. "Cindy, right? I'm Jared."
Texas moved away, straightening the different toppings. Jared glanced at him, but he didn't look back.
"Right," Cindy said, perky. "And this is Molly."
Molly waved, one handed, the other handing over a cup of coffee. For a second, Jared just inhaled. Some days, he was convinced coffee was better than a whole six hours of sleep.
"And that's Jensen," Cindy said, grinning. "Jensen. This is Jared."
Jensen smiled. "Texas."
"Texas," Jared agreed. He hid his smile in his coffee. "Why're you always on Sunday morning shift?"
"Requested it," Molly said. "It's so much better than Friday evening, you know? Or during football games."
Jared nodded, and blinked when Jensen dropped a bag roughly on the counter. He typed some numbers into the machine and said, "Two twenty-five."
Digging into his jeans, Jared found two dollar bills and was counting out the pennies when Chad knocked on the window and made a face that Jared didn't even try to translate.
"Is he alright?" Molly asked.
"He has a muscle condition," Jared said, still staring, two cents short. He was reaching into his other pocket when Jensen put out a hand.
On his forearm, Jensen's skin was warm. "Don't worry about it," Jensen said, and then reached into the tip cup and pulled out a nickel.
"Thanks," Jared said, grabbing the bagel and taking a step back, nearly tripping over the display of teas.
Outside, Chad was trying and failing to hide the bruising on his wrists. "Dude. What took so long? You were choosing a bagel, not a house."
"Shut up," Jared said, and handed over the bag when Chad gestured for it. He pulled his keys out of his pocket to unlock the door to their apartment and a condom fell out with them. "Ummm."
Glancing down, Chad shrugged. "Safe sex is good sex," he offered, spitting a little of Jared's bagel onto Jared's chin.
"Thanks," Jared rolled his eyes and reclaimed the bagel, leaving the condom where it fell. "I wasn't that drunk last night, was I?"
"Naw, man, you were the sober loser."
Chad picked up the condom and followed Jared inside.
"Dude. This has someone's number on it." He crowed with laughter. "You almost got laid last night."
Theatrically, Chad pushed the condom down into Jared's pocket again, and left his hand there for half a second too long. Jared looked down at him and couldn't help lick his lips. Their hallway was poorly lit, and the window near the stairwell worked better than the lighting. He almost leaned in, but stepped back instead.
Chad shrugged, his whole body moving towards their apartment, and unlocked the door easily. "You should call her and find out who she was. I wonder if it was that frosh girl that was all over you, the one with the purple thing."
He gestured to his chest, making cupping motions.
"Dude, didn't you have sex with her like two weeks ago?" Jared shook his head, and felt dizzy. He sat down on their couch and switched on Cartoon Network, finishing off his bagel before Chad could get it.
"I totally did," Chad said, suddenly. "What's her name? Dude, help me out, this is going to bug me."
"No, it won't," Jared said. He closed his eyes and thought about sleeping. Their couch had a tendency to dig right into his spine where the cushions were worn. They'd gotten it fourth hand from someone else's sophomore year in college.
"No, it totally won't," Chad agreed.
*****
It wasn't true that everyone working in the first couple of blocks off campus was students, but most of the businesses couldn't find anyone else willing to work for minimum wage for such short hours and no benefits. He was still a little surprised to see Jensen on campus, glasses halfway down his nose, reading a biography of Ho Chi Minh.
"Jensen?" Jared asked, pausing. He pulled an ear bud out, twisting the wire in between his fingers. Shifting his backpack to both shoulders, he waved one-handed. The bench was set out at the edge of Student's Glade with a small plaque for the students who'd fought in World War II, and Jared had always assumed that you weren't actually supposed to sit in it.
"Jared," Jensen said, pushing his glasses all the way up his nose. He shut his book, and used his pen as a place marker, fingers stilling against the cover.
"You go to school here?" Jared stopped, wished that he could take that back. Without the mediator of a bagel, he felt like a giant tool.
"Yeah, poli sci grad school," Jensen gestured to the book self-deprecatingly.
"Ah," Jared said, rocking back on his heels. "I'm undergrad."
Hiding a smile, Jensen said, "I know. You're in a frat."
"Right," Jared hissed. "Wait, why're you working? Don't you have grants that'll cover it?"
"Getting my MA, so, it's all out of pocket," Jensen said.
Nodding, Jared tried to think of something non-bagel related, and realized that he must be a lot cooler when he was hung over. He nudged a patch of wet grass with his toe. "That sounds harsh."
"Yeah, the student loans are gonna put me down for a while," Jensen said.
The clocktower tolled noon and both of them looked up, automatically. "Still can't get used to that," Jared said. "It's like living in a Hemmingway novel."
"Or an Eliot poem. Hundreds of people rushing over London Bridge, going straight to hell. Speaking of, don't you have class?" Jensen smiled, gorgeous perfect teeth and freckles over the bridge of his nose.
"Section, yeah," Jared nodded. "See you around?"
"Next Sunday." Jensen smirked, the sun glancing off the rim of his glasses and Jared suddenly noticed the freckles along the bridge of his nose. "It's a date."
*****
After so many parties, Jared thought that he should be sick of them, but the frat made his weeks reliable, he could predict the parties and nearly predict the girls that would come. As the semester wore on, it was mostly the same girls: the girlfriends and their friends, the fuckbuddies and their friends, and the random freshman who didn't know any better yet.
Jared rolled his head and looked at Chad who was losing at foosball to a pair of short Asian girls. He thought they were maybe tri-Delt, but he couldn't be sure. Tri-Delts were sneaky.
Turning to Jared, Chad rolled his eyes. "You too drunk to help?"
"Yeah," Jared said, getting up anyway. "Move over, bitch."
Chad bumped his shoulder and they played awful, but when they were done, having lost three games to the girls, Chad just slapped his shoulder. "Next time, man. Fucking Tri-Delts."
They ended up looking for the last six pack of beer in the shed next to the pool where Chad swore that he'd hidden it after the pool party.
"Like those girls needed any more lubrication, you know?" he slapped Jared's shoulder again, left his hand where it fell.
The ocean was visible from their patio, and the sun had set hours ago, but Jared still squinted out towards it. He could hear a party a few houses down, the sound of bass loud in the distance.
"Turn it down, assholes!" Chad yelled, right into Jared's ear.
Jared winced, "Thanks."
"No problem," Chad leaned against him, swaying.
"Ok, you're done," Jared wondered about the probability of getting arrested while trying to drag Chad home. They were just far enough away that he knew he'd either end up trying to get Chad to puke into the garbage or trying to get them out of a ticket.
The air was cold and he shivered, nearly backhanding Chad when Chad licked up Jared's neck. Chad was smooth, his hand wrapping around Jared's stomach, his mouth right at the edge of Jared's jaw. He sucked his way down Jared's neck, while Jared tried to work up the nerve to push Chad off, to move away, to pretend he was drunk enough to let this happen.
Finally, Jared stepped away, nearly into the pool and said, "I'm going home."
In the dark, he couldn't really see what Chad's expression said, but he knew enough that he turned around without waiting for an answer, went into the house and through the movement of people. No one stopped him when he grabbed his coat from where he'd stuffed it behind a sofa, and when he left through the front door, waving idly at the door keepers, he wondered what he would do tomorrow.
His fingers brushed his lips, right where Chad hadn't kissed. The dark was cold and he shook off the feeling that something was better than nothing, that a drunken grope with Chad would have been enough.
Without looking, he said, "Sorry," to the guy he'd bumped shoulders with, and slapped away at the guy's hand when he reached out.
"Jared?"
Quickly, Jared turned.
"Jensen. Um. Hey." Awkwardly, he swayed in the partial light from a streetlamp halfway down the block.
"You ok?" Jensen asked. He reached out again, and this time Jared didn't shove him off, instead used that to balance the slow back and forth. "Let me take you home, you don't look too good."
Jensen's voice sounded like home, like one of his high school friends offering to let him bunk down on their floor so he wouldn't go home drunk, and Jared nodded before he could think better of it. It was mostly downhill from his frat to his house, and he knew he could make it - he had before - but he didn't like what might happen on his way there. Chad could call. Chad could not call. Someone could mug him and he'd be too slow to even react.
One hand on Jared's back, Jensen guided him forward and Jared let himself be led, throwing an arm over Jensen's shoulders. He was a little bit shorter than was comfortable, but Jared always seemed to date girls that were shorter than him, and this was no different.
"You live above the shop, right?" Jensen asked.
"Yeah," Jared stared at the pavement, shady and dark in the poor lighting.
With a sigh, Jensen tightened his grip around Jared's back. He moved slowly, allowing for Jared's drunken sway and Jared was relieved, sharply, that he'd run into Jensen.
At the entrance to his building, Jared leaned over, and caught Jensen's face between his hands to make him stay still in Jared's unclear vision.
"You ever loved someone you knew you shouldn't?" The question was too much of what he didn't want anyone else to know, but he was drunk and Chad had kissed him first.
Pulling Jared's hands away from his face, Jensen began searching Jared's pockets for his keys. "Shit, you really are drunk, huh?"
Waiting while Jensen opened the door, Jared said, "I like you."
"I like you, too, Texas." Jared's smile was amused and brilliantly white in the dim light.
"I like you like you," Jared said, assertively. "I'd do you."
"Be glad you're drunk," Jensen said, steering Jared towards the elevator. "What floor?"
"Third," Jared said, sullenly. Even drunk, he understood a brush off.
*****
Jensen had put him down in Chad's bed, and Jared was grateful because he woke up needing to vomit.
Bagel day and he wasn't sure he could look Jensen in the eye, not with that polite Texas fuck off he'd gotten. Jared was a little surprised that Jensen hadn't kicked his ass for what he'd tried. He was sure he'd have kicked himself in the ass for it.
Except Chad had tried, and Jared hadn't kicked his ass. Chad had tried, and all Jared had been able to think about was how much he liked Chad but that it could never work, not with Chad being who he was and Jared who he was: they were brothers.
Putting on a fresh shirt, Jared grabbed his keys and five dollars, decided that his momma hadn't raised him to be a coward. He'd have to face Chad, he'd have to face Jensen. Hell, he'd have to face what he wanted.
In the mirror, his face was pale, slightly yellow. He had bags under his eyes and a slight bruise on his neck. He brushed it, remembered the shape of Chad's mouth where it had been wet and messy against his neck.
Dropping to his knees, Jared puked into the toilet, dry heaving when there was nothing left in his stomach. Dizzy, he leaned against the wall and said, "Shit," around the acid burn in his throat.
He heard keys in the door before he heard Chad, humming a Panic song, sounding sober and alive. Chad whistled a long Lassie-calling whistle.
"Jaaaaared," Chad called. "Where are you hiding, bitch? Jaaaaaared?"
Another dry heave rose, and Jared puked up pink liquid into the toilet, the smell making him continue heaving until Chad came up behind him, and flushed the toilet, almost giving Jared a swirlie in the process. Jared relaxed against the wall again, shivering. Chad moved around the cramped bathroom, and then pressed a damp washcloth against Jared's neck.
Touching the back of his hand against Jared's forehead, Chad said, "You're burning up. Let's get you in bed."
Chad still smelled like alcohol, but his hands were firm when he forced Jared up, held him steady, grabbed a towel and guided them back to Jared's room.
"I'm sorry," Jared rasped. It seemed unimportant now: last night was really far away.
"You're flu-ish," Chad said. "Wait until you're human again, then you owe me, asshole."
He set Jared down gently, put the towel over Jared's pillow, and helped him out of his shirt. Jared felt hot again and shivered.
"Definitely the flu," Chad said. "Lay down, I'll get you a bowl."
Jared laid down and rubbed his face over the rough towel.
******
When he woke later, he could tell it was sunset by the color of light in his room. There was a smell in the kitchen, a type of down home, familiar smell that he recognized at a gut level but couldn't quite name.
The radio was on, and he heard Chad singing along.
"Fall Out Boy?" Jared asked, leaning against the doorframe.
"Fuck you, too," Chad said. "Get back in bed, bitch. I'm not fucking picking your ass off the floor when you fall down."
Jared laughed, hoarse and felt his own forehead. "I feel like shit."
"You look like it," Chad said. He twirled a plastic ladle and pointed it at Jared. "Get back in bed."
Feeling the world begin to spin, Jared nodded and stumbled back into his bed. He covered his eyes. "I think I'm going to puke."
"Trash can's next to your head," Chad yelled.
Blindly, Jared felt for it, gripped it tight, but he didn't throw up. Instead, he wondered what Chad was doing in the kitchen, since Jared had thought Chad's expertise ended with Chinese take out and Rice-a-Roni.
A few minutes later, Jared saw Chad shuffle in, carrying the red tray they'd stolen from McDonald's.
"Soup and toast," Chad said. "Sit up. I'm not fucking feeding you."
"You can cook?" Jared asked.
One shouldered, Chad shrugged, putting the tray down on the beside table carefully. He helped Jared sit up and rearranged the pillows and blankets so Jared could sit back.
"Someone had to when my mom left," Chad said. Abruptly, he stood and walked out.
Jared blinked and reached for the soup. It was good. Familiar, vegetables, not too greasy or heavy. It reminded him of days home from school, of someone holding him when he was sick.
*****
Chad came back two days later, looking clean shaven. Jared was playing catch up with someone else's class notes and frowned a little when he saw Chad.
"Where were you?" Jared asked. He was a little pissed. No one had ever cooked soup for him and then abandoned him.
"At the house," Chad said. "Slept on the couch."
Jared nodded, unsure what else to say. Of course. Jared hadn't even thought to call any of the brothers to see if they knew where Chad was. When they needed Chad, they always called Jared, and it was foreign to think that he'd have to ask anyone where Chad was.
Jared gestured to the potato chips he was snacking on. "Want some?"
"Yeah," Chad said, agreeably. He stole the bowl and went to sit in front of the TV.
*****
"Texas," Jensen said, easily. He shaded his eyes from the sun and squinted up at Jared.
"Hey," Jared said, vaguely embarrassed. The memorial lawn was full of sunbathing freshman reading textbooks. A few feet away, a girl put her ear buds in, shooting Jared an annoyed look.
"Thanks for getting me home," Jared said. "I was kind of out of it."
Jensen laughed, sharply. "Yeah, I could tell."
"I was wondering," Jared started.
Cutting him off with a gesture, Jensen shook his head. "You don't want it."
With a groan, Jared sat down, and Jensen moved his legs until he was facing Jared. "Yeah, ok."
"He's not a bad looking guy," Jensen said, making a face. He tried a smile, but that just made the lie clearer. "I wouldn't go for him, but... he seems..."
"Yeah," Jared agreed again. "He's Chad."
"Try it," Jensen suggested, closing his book with one hand. "I mean it could be a lot worse."
"How?" Jared asked. "I mean, it can't really. Be worse. He's an asshole, and I think he has an STD."
"Then wear a condom," Jensen said. He stood, brushing off his jeans and slinging on his messenger bag. "I've got to go, but I'll see you on Saturday, right? Poppyseed bagel?"
*****
The television was on loud when Jared got home and Chad was mimicking Jackie Chan moves on top of their coffee table.
"HIYAH," Chad yelled, jumping and kicking when Jared opened the apartment door.
"I cannot believe I'm in love with you," Jared said, standing in the open door.
"Feeling's mutual, bitch," Chad said. He jerked his head. "C'mon. Drunken Master's on next."
Jared dropped his bag on the floor and was inside Chad's space in three long steps, was holding Chad still with both hands on his face and just kissing him, long and hard like he had something to prove. There was no seduction, no pretend that this was to prove a point or to have a laugh. Jared bit lightly on Chad's lip and licked his way inside, found Chad's tongue and Chad's hand fisting his shirt.
Chad's nails were short and when he dragged them up Jared's back, it felt more raw through the shirt, one hand fisting Jared's hair.
"Took you long enough," Chad said, lips red and open. He pulled at Jared's shirt, yanking it off.
"Sorry," Jared said, and leaned down for another kiss.
*****
end
Author: girl_wonder
Rating: R
Pairing: J/J, J/C
Summary: College AU. Jared and Chad join a frat, Jensen works food service, someone needs more body shots.
A/N: Thanks so, so much to vylit for the beta. You are a peach, sweetie!
The first time, Jared almost didn't know what was happening. Everything was dark and when he finally found a toilet, he was so relieved he didn't even care about the noises coming from the shower stall, until he was washing his hands (soap twice, air dry) and he looked up to see Chad's head, thrown back and neck white in the dim bathroom light. There was a girl on her knees in front of him, an Alpha Kappa pledge if her shirt was right.
Jared stared at Chad's face, watching until Chad's eyes opened, his mouth twisting into a grin. Rolling his eyes, Jared left.
*****
The frat had been Chad's idea, and all he'd had to do was drag Jared with him to the first few recruitment parties, and suddenly Jared was standing naked on the roof with the other pledges.
One of the brothers slapped the back of Jared's head and called him a fucking coward, a pussy whipped faggot.
Jared didn't look over at Chad, didn't comment at all, like a good little pledge.
*****
Drink 'till You Blackout night resulted in Jared waking up on the pool table, an eight ball digging into his back. The whole house smelled like urine and even the influx of girl perfume only served to make it smell stale. He'd fallen asleep on a sweatshirt. Not his.
Still, he put it on, left the house with his apartment keys and wallet. He couldn't swallow, whole throat felt like something had crawled in and died. At the bagel place under his apartment, he had to clear his throat twice before he could order, "coffee," and "plain bagel." Outside, the street was waking up, security grates being pulled up, girls walking home in sparkling tops: Walk of Shame.
Jared thought he'd steal the sweatshirt, it was warm, and he was feeling fond towards anything that kept him from showing off his own walk of shame evidence, the pornographic woman that he vaguely remembered Chad drawing on his chest in sharpie.
"Five twenty seven," the guy behind the counter said, bored, and Jared snapped to attention.
"Texas," Jared croaked.
"Yeah," the guy grinned. "You?"
"Yeah," Jared said, happily. "Me, too."
The guy gave him his change, and bagged a bagel. At home, Jared found extra cream cheese in his bag.
*****
Chad came home seven hours later, wearing sunglasses and missing all his hair.
Jared paused, cereal spoon halfway to his lips. "Dude, what happened?"
"Well," Chad went straight to the faucet, drank a full glass, until the water dribbled down his chin. "After you passed out, they shaved my head."
Staring at a patch of unshaved hair, Jared said, "They didn't do a very good job."
Shrugging, Chad put the glass in the sink. "I figured you'd fix it."
"Yeah." Jared finished his cereal, shifted over when Chad slouched down next to him. Chad relaxed, half into Jared's space, legs thrown up over the leg of the couch.
"SpongeBob?" Chad asked. He felt warm against Jared's side and Jared elbowed him in the back of the neck until he moved off of Jared's chest.
"It's a marathon," Jared said.
*****
The bagel shop Texas guy worked the Sunday morning shift, and Jared always felt vaguely bad going in with the families on their way to church when he was so clearly hungover.
He wasn't even really aware what he was doing until the guy grinned and said, "You're becoming a regular."
Sipping his coffee, waiting for them to finish toasting his bagel, he said, "Yeah?"
Shooting the shit with people who worked shit jobs was something that Chad was better at. Chad would charm most people he wasn't pissing off, and since it tended to be equal numbers, Jared was never sure when he was going to get extra fries with his burger or spit in his salad dressing.
Jared was more of an over-tipper, an apologetic customer who smiled at waitresses and got kind of irritated when Chad insisted on being a jerk to them.
The guy shrugged, thumbed towards the girls toasting bagels, putting spread on them. "Moll and Cindy think that you come for the view."
The girls were wearing shorts, tight shirts, and Jared was sure that he'd seen them playing volleyball over at Delta Nu. "Ah," he grinned and pointed upward. "Well, I live in the apartment building. It's kind of on my way."
Snorting, the guy winked, "Right."
Jared shrugged and the next Saturday, he walked right past the place, which meant he had to eat stale Wheaties with water for breakfast. When Chad dragged his ass home, Jared said, "Hey, we need to buy groceries."
"Whatever," Chad groaned, already on his way to the bathroom. *****
Being in a frat like Lambda Chi Kappa was kind of like having a free pass to be an asshole all the time. Before people really knew him they already "knew" who he was. Asshole frat brother, cute, partier, whatever label they pasted to guys that hung out in houses with Greek letters on the door.
"So, you coming to the book reading?" Sandy was sweet. A second-year Soc major, which meant that she had been around long enough not to make freshman mistakes and had enough brains to get into a capped major before her junior year. He liked her.
Still. Brothers were brothers. "No, I've gotta take out one of my brothers."
"You have family around here?" Her smile was brilliant.
"Uh, no, I'm in Lambda Chi." He ran a hand through his hair, expectantly.
"Ah," her smile dimmed. "Well, there's another one next month. And I should go if I don't want to be late."
Chad slapped his shoulder and said, "Wow. You blew that one."
"Where did you come from?" Jared asked, looked around at the passing students.
"Office hours," Chad said, his hand still on Jared's shoulder, he pushed them towards the center of campus. The clocktower. "Listen, I have an idea."
There was a weird sinking feeling in Jared's stomach.
*****
"Whoot!" Chad was thrumming with energy, and Jared grinned in return, panting a little from the run.
Who knew that campus security could run so fast? And that the golf carts could actually chase someone down?
"I want to get drunk," Chad announced. He wrapped a hand around the back of Jared's neck and said, "C'mon, J."
"Naw," Jared shook his head. "Lecture at eight."
"Jaaaared," Chad whined better than Jared's last three girlfriends.
Which was how they ended up four shots each into a bottle of tequila with Chad trying to explain to Jared the finer points of body shots.
"You always try to do it on their neck," Chad was saying, waving the salt shaker randomly. "It doesn't work like that. You get salt all the way down their dresses and then they get a little pissy. You've gotta get it right on their breasts."
Chad flicked one of Jared's nipples to prove his point.
"But doesn't that get it down their dress, too?" Jared said.
"Yeah, but," Chad seemed at a loss. "Mouth. Breasts."
Sighing, Jared had to give him that. "I think you're full of bullshit," he said. "And your body shots suck, I heard whats-her-face from Alpha Kappa say that."
"Fuck you, take that back." Jared watched the salt shaker and thought that he'd be the one cleaning up the floor tomorrow and that was kind of unfair.
"No, you, like, suck on the girls, like you're trying to give them a salt hickey," Jared started giggling like crazy. "A salty hickey."
"Do not," Chad said, like he was four. A drunken four year old, and that set off Jared again.
"Right," he said, a little Texas went a long way when it was Chad.
"Here, I'll prove it." Chad offered over a slice of lime and Jared took it, slid it so that the rind was between his teeth.
Chad unbuttoned the first few buttons of Jared's shirt, clumsily, then leaned down. Jared shivered when Chad licked a slow stripe across his collar bone, his tongue was warm, wet, and when he pulled away Jared felt goosebumps rise.
Chad salted the skin like he was at a restaurant ordering steak. Leaning down, he licked the salt off, snapped back the shot and then was suddenly at Jared's mouth.
Jared pushed the lime into Chad's mouth, found himself with his tongue half in, lips touching and he stilled. He leaned back, away. Chad blinked, sucked on the fruit for a bit, before pulling it out.
"You got salt down my shirt, ass," Jared said.
Laughing, Chad said, "But would you care?"
"I'm going to go wash off the salt, jerk." Jared stood, steadying himself on the table, and walked off.
*****
"Haven't been in in a few weeks," Texas said. He'd changed his hair, shortened it a little and it looked darker, less blonde. The two girls from Delta Nu were getting together a bag for a family, and it was 7am, Jared wasn't even sure how he was alive.
"Didn't want to get boring," Jared said, shifting a little. He was pretty sure that he had some dried soda in his hair, and he was a little confused how it had gotten there, since he'd been on keg duty all night.
It was incredibly bright for a Sunday in November, the type of sun that was saved for little kids who were stuck in church and boys with hangovers. Texas was wiping down the coffee counter, and he glanced up at Jared with a wry grin.
"Hate to see such a unique snowflake go to waste," he said, half laughing. "Is that a poppyseed bagel you want?"
"No," Jared said, rolling his eyes. "I'm switching it up, going for a sesame seed."
Cutting a poppy seed bagel in half and putting it into the toaster, Texas looked at him, amused, daring him to comment. "You always let everyone affect your decisions that way?"
"I'm in a frat," Jared said. "Goes with the territory."
Texas looked him up and down and moved out of the way so that the family could be rung up. "I could see that."
"You want coffee?" One of the sorority sisters asked.
Jared shrugged, "I think I have, like, three dollars in my pocket."
She waved him off, "It's ok. On the house, for a regular."
"Thanks," he said. "Cindy, right? I'm Jared."
Texas moved away, straightening the different toppings. Jared glanced at him, but he didn't look back.
"Right," Cindy said, perky. "And this is Molly."
Molly waved, one handed, the other handing over a cup of coffee. For a second, Jared just inhaled. Some days, he was convinced coffee was better than a whole six hours of sleep.
"And that's Jensen," Cindy said, grinning. "Jensen. This is Jared."
Jensen smiled. "Texas."
"Texas," Jared agreed. He hid his smile in his coffee. "Why're you always on Sunday morning shift?"
"Requested it," Molly said. "It's so much better than Friday evening, you know? Or during football games."
Jared nodded, and blinked when Jensen dropped a bag roughly on the counter. He typed some numbers into the machine and said, "Two twenty-five."
Digging into his jeans, Jared found two dollar bills and was counting out the pennies when Chad knocked on the window and made a face that Jared didn't even try to translate.
"Is he alright?" Molly asked.
"He has a muscle condition," Jared said, still staring, two cents short. He was reaching into his other pocket when Jensen put out a hand.
On his forearm, Jensen's skin was warm. "Don't worry about it," Jensen said, and then reached into the tip cup and pulled out a nickel.
"Thanks," Jared said, grabbing the bagel and taking a step back, nearly tripping over the display of teas.
Outside, Chad was trying and failing to hide the bruising on his wrists. "Dude. What took so long? You were choosing a bagel, not a house."
"Shut up," Jared said, and handed over the bag when Chad gestured for it. He pulled his keys out of his pocket to unlock the door to their apartment and a condom fell out with them. "Ummm."
Glancing down, Chad shrugged. "Safe sex is good sex," he offered, spitting a little of Jared's bagel onto Jared's chin.
"Thanks," Jared rolled his eyes and reclaimed the bagel, leaving the condom where it fell. "I wasn't that drunk last night, was I?"
"Naw, man, you were the sober loser."
Chad picked up the condom and followed Jared inside.
"Dude. This has someone's number on it." He crowed with laughter. "You almost got laid last night."
Theatrically, Chad pushed the condom down into Jared's pocket again, and left his hand there for half a second too long. Jared looked down at him and couldn't help lick his lips. Their hallway was poorly lit, and the window near the stairwell worked better than the lighting. He almost leaned in, but stepped back instead.
Chad shrugged, his whole body moving towards their apartment, and unlocked the door easily. "You should call her and find out who she was. I wonder if it was that frosh girl that was all over you, the one with the purple thing."
He gestured to his chest, making cupping motions.
"Dude, didn't you have sex with her like two weeks ago?" Jared shook his head, and felt dizzy. He sat down on their couch and switched on Cartoon Network, finishing off his bagel before Chad could get it.
"I totally did," Chad said, suddenly. "What's her name? Dude, help me out, this is going to bug me."
"No, it won't," Jared said. He closed his eyes and thought about sleeping. Their couch had a tendency to dig right into his spine where the cushions were worn. They'd gotten it fourth hand from someone else's sophomore year in college.
"No, it totally won't," Chad agreed.
*****
It wasn't true that everyone working in the first couple of blocks off campus was students, but most of the businesses couldn't find anyone else willing to work for minimum wage for such short hours and no benefits. He was still a little surprised to see Jensen on campus, glasses halfway down his nose, reading a biography of Ho Chi Minh.
"Jensen?" Jared asked, pausing. He pulled an ear bud out, twisting the wire in between his fingers. Shifting his backpack to both shoulders, he waved one-handed. The bench was set out at the edge of Student's Glade with a small plaque for the students who'd fought in World War II, and Jared had always assumed that you weren't actually supposed to sit in it.
"Jared," Jensen said, pushing his glasses all the way up his nose. He shut his book, and used his pen as a place marker, fingers stilling against the cover.
"You go to school here?" Jared stopped, wished that he could take that back. Without the mediator of a bagel, he felt like a giant tool.
"Yeah, poli sci grad school," Jensen gestured to the book self-deprecatingly.
"Ah," Jared said, rocking back on his heels. "I'm undergrad."
Hiding a smile, Jensen said, "I know. You're in a frat."
"Right," Jared hissed. "Wait, why're you working? Don't you have grants that'll cover it?"
"Getting my MA, so, it's all out of pocket," Jensen said.
Nodding, Jared tried to think of something non-bagel related, and realized that he must be a lot cooler when he was hung over. He nudged a patch of wet grass with his toe. "That sounds harsh."
"Yeah, the student loans are gonna put me down for a while," Jensen said.
The clocktower tolled noon and both of them looked up, automatically. "Still can't get used to that," Jared said. "It's like living in a Hemmingway novel."
"Or an Eliot poem. Hundreds of people rushing over London Bridge, going straight to hell. Speaking of, don't you have class?" Jensen smiled, gorgeous perfect teeth and freckles over the bridge of his nose.
"Section, yeah," Jared nodded. "See you around?"
"Next Sunday." Jensen smirked, the sun glancing off the rim of his glasses and Jared suddenly noticed the freckles along the bridge of his nose. "It's a date."
*****
After so many parties, Jared thought that he should be sick of them, but the frat made his weeks reliable, he could predict the parties and nearly predict the girls that would come. As the semester wore on, it was mostly the same girls: the girlfriends and their friends, the fuckbuddies and their friends, and the random freshman who didn't know any better yet.
Jared rolled his head and looked at Chad who was losing at foosball to a pair of short Asian girls. He thought they were maybe tri-Delt, but he couldn't be sure. Tri-Delts were sneaky.
Turning to Jared, Chad rolled his eyes. "You too drunk to help?"
"Yeah," Jared said, getting up anyway. "Move over, bitch."
Chad bumped his shoulder and they played awful, but when they were done, having lost three games to the girls, Chad just slapped his shoulder. "Next time, man. Fucking Tri-Delts."
They ended up looking for the last six pack of beer in the shed next to the pool where Chad swore that he'd hidden it after the pool party.
"Like those girls needed any more lubrication, you know?" he slapped Jared's shoulder again, left his hand where it fell.
The ocean was visible from their patio, and the sun had set hours ago, but Jared still squinted out towards it. He could hear a party a few houses down, the sound of bass loud in the distance.
"Turn it down, assholes!" Chad yelled, right into Jared's ear.
Jared winced, "Thanks."
"No problem," Chad leaned against him, swaying.
"Ok, you're done," Jared wondered about the probability of getting arrested while trying to drag Chad home. They were just far enough away that he knew he'd either end up trying to get Chad to puke into the garbage or trying to get them out of a ticket.
The air was cold and he shivered, nearly backhanding Chad when Chad licked up Jared's neck. Chad was smooth, his hand wrapping around Jared's stomach, his mouth right at the edge of Jared's jaw. He sucked his way down Jared's neck, while Jared tried to work up the nerve to push Chad off, to move away, to pretend he was drunk enough to let this happen.
Finally, Jared stepped away, nearly into the pool and said, "I'm going home."
In the dark, he couldn't really see what Chad's expression said, but he knew enough that he turned around without waiting for an answer, went into the house and through the movement of people. No one stopped him when he grabbed his coat from where he'd stuffed it behind a sofa, and when he left through the front door, waving idly at the door keepers, he wondered what he would do tomorrow.
His fingers brushed his lips, right where Chad hadn't kissed. The dark was cold and he shook off the feeling that something was better than nothing, that a drunken grope with Chad would have been enough.
Without looking, he said, "Sorry," to the guy he'd bumped shoulders with, and slapped away at the guy's hand when he reached out.
"Jared?"
Quickly, Jared turned.
"Jensen. Um. Hey." Awkwardly, he swayed in the partial light from a streetlamp halfway down the block.
"You ok?" Jensen asked. He reached out again, and this time Jared didn't shove him off, instead used that to balance the slow back and forth. "Let me take you home, you don't look too good."
Jensen's voice sounded like home, like one of his high school friends offering to let him bunk down on their floor so he wouldn't go home drunk, and Jared nodded before he could think better of it. It was mostly downhill from his frat to his house, and he knew he could make it - he had before - but he didn't like what might happen on his way there. Chad could call. Chad could not call. Someone could mug him and he'd be too slow to even react.
One hand on Jared's back, Jensen guided him forward and Jared let himself be led, throwing an arm over Jensen's shoulders. He was a little bit shorter than was comfortable, but Jared always seemed to date girls that were shorter than him, and this was no different.
"You live above the shop, right?" Jensen asked.
"Yeah," Jared stared at the pavement, shady and dark in the poor lighting.
With a sigh, Jensen tightened his grip around Jared's back. He moved slowly, allowing for Jared's drunken sway and Jared was relieved, sharply, that he'd run into Jensen.
At the entrance to his building, Jared leaned over, and caught Jensen's face between his hands to make him stay still in Jared's unclear vision.
"You ever loved someone you knew you shouldn't?" The question was too much of what he didn't want anyone else to know, but he was drunk and Chad had kissed him first.
Pulling Jared's hands away from his face, Jensen began searching Jared's pockets for his keys. "Shit, you really are drunk, huh?"
Waiting while Jensen opened the door, Jared said, "I like you."
"I like you, too, Texas." Jared's smile was amused and brilliantly white in the dim light.
"I like you like you," Jared said, assertively. "I'd do you."
"Be glad you're drunk," Jensen said, steering Jared towards the elevator. "What floor?"
"Third," Jared said, sullenly. Even drunk, he understood a brush off.
*****
Jensen had put him down in Chad's bed, and Jared was grateful because he woke up needing to vomit.
Bagel day and he wasn't sure he could look Jensen in the eye, not with that polite Texas fuck off he'd gotten. Jared was a little surprised that Jensen hadn't kicked his ass for what he'd tried. He was sure he'd have kicked himself in the ass for it.
Except Chad had tried, and Jared hadn't kicked his ass. Chad had tried, and all Jared had been able to think about was how much he liked Chad but that it could never work, not with Chad being who he was and Jared who he was: they were brothers.
Putting on a fresh shirt, Jared grabbed his keys and five dollars, decided that his momma hadn't raised him to be a coward. He'd have to face Chad, he'd have to face Jensen. Hell, he'd have to face what he wanted.
In the mirror, his face was pale, slightly yellow. He had bags under his eyes and a slight bruise on his neck. He brushed it, remembered the shape of Chad's mouth where it had been wet and messy against his neck.
Dropping to his knees, Jared puked into the toilet, dry heaving when there was nothing left in his stomach. Dizzy, he leaned against the wall and said, "Shit," around the acid burn in his throat.
He heard keys in the door before he heard Chad, humming a Panic song, sounding sober and alive. Chad whistled a long Lassie-calling whistle.
"Jaaaaared," Chad called. "Where are you hiding, bitch? Jaaaaaared?"
Another dry heave rose, and Jared puked up pink liquid into the toilet, the smell making him continue heaving until Chad came up behind him, and flushed the toilet, almost giving Jared a swirlie in the process. Jared relaxed against the wall again, shivering. Chad moved around the cramped bathroom, and then pressed a damp washcloth against Jared's neck.
Touching the back of his hand against Jared's forehead, Chad said, "You're burning up. Let's get you in bed."
Chad still smelled like alcohol, but his hands were firm when he forced Jared up, held him steady, grabbed a towel and guided them back to Jared's room.
"I'm sorry," Jared rasped. It seemed unimportant now: last night was really far away.
"You're flu-ish," Chad said. "Wait until you're human again, then you owe me, asshole."
He set Jared down gently, put the towel over Jared's pillow, and helped him out of his shirt. Jared felt hot again and shivered.
"Definitely the flu," Chad said. "Lay down, I'll get you a bowl."
Jared laid down and rubbed his face over the rough towel.
******
When he woke later, he could tell it was sunset by the color of light in his room. There was a smell in the kitchen, a type of down home, familiar smell that he recognized at a gut level but couldn't quite name.
The radio was on, and he heard Chad singing along.
"Fall Out Boy?" Jared asked, leaning against the doorframe.
"Fuck you, too," Chad said. "Get back in bed, bitch. I'm not fucking picking your ass off the floor when you fall down."
Jared laughed, hoarse and felt his own forehead. "I feel like shit."
"You look like it," Chad said. He twirled a plastic ladle and pointed it at Jared. "Get back in bed."
Feeling the world begin to spin, Jared nodded and stumbled back into his bed. He covered his eyes. "I think I'm going to puke."
"Trash can's next to your head," Chad yelled.
Blindly, Jared felt for it, gripped it tight, but he didn't throw up. Instead, he wondered what Chad was doing in the kitchen, since Jared had thought Chad's expertise ended with Chinese take out and Rice-a-Roni.
A few minutes later, Jared saw Chad shuffle in, carrying the red tray they'd stolen from McDonald's.
"Soup and toast," Chad said. "Sit up. I'm not fucking feeding you."
"You can cook?" Jared asked.
One shouldered, Chad shrugged, putting the tray down on the beside table carefully. He helped Jared sit up and rearranged the pillows and blankets so Jared could sit back.
"Someone had to when my mom left," Chad said. Abruptly, he stood and walked out.
Jared blinked and reached for the soup. It was good. Familiar, vegetables, not too greasy or heavy. It reminded him of days home from school, of someone holding him when he was sick.
*****
Chad came back two days later, looking clean shaven. Jared was playing catch up with someone else's class notes and frowned a little when he saw Chad.
"Where were you?" Jared asked. He was a little pissed. No one had ever cooked soup for him and then abandoned him.
"At the house," Chad said. "Slept on the couch."
Jared nodded, unsure what else to say. Of course. Jared hadn't even thought to call any of the brothers to see if they knew where Chad was. When they needed Chad, they always called Jared, and it was foreign to think that he'd have to ask anyone where Chad was.
Jared gestured to the potato chips he was snacking on. "Want some?"
"Yeah," Chad said, agreeably. He stole the bowl and went to sit in front of the TV.
*****
"Texas," Jensen said, easily. He shaded his eyes from the sun and squinted up at Jared.
"Hey," Jared said, vaguely embarrassed. The memorial lawn was full of sunbathing freshman reading textbooks. A few feet away, a girl put her ear buds in, shooting Jared an annoyed look.
"Thanks for getting me home," Jared said. "I was kind of out of it."
Jensen laughed, sharply. "Yeah, I could tell."
"I was wondering," Jared started.
Cutting him off with a gesture, Jensen shook his head. "You don't want it."
With a groan, Jared sat down, and Jensen moved his legs until he was facing Jared. "Yeah, ok."
"He's not a bad looking guy," Jensen said, making a face. He tried a smile, but that just made the lie clearer. "I wouldn't go for him, but... he seems..."
"Yeah," Jared agreed again. "He's Chad."
"Try it," Jensen suggested, closing his book with one hand. "I mean it could be a lot worse."
"How?" Jared asked. "I mean, it can't really. Be worse. He's an asshole, and I think he has an STD."
"Then wear a condom," Jensen said. He stood, brushing off his jeans and slinging on his messenger bag. "I've got to go, but I'll see you on Saturday, right? Poppyseed bagel?"
*****
The television was on loud when Jared got home and Chad was mimicking Jackie Chan moves on top of their coffee table.
"HIYAH," Chad yelled, jumping and kicking when Jared opened the apartment door.
"I cannot believe I'm in love with you," Jared said, standing in the open door.
"Feeling's mutual, bitch," Chad said. He jerked his head. "C'mon. Drunken Master's on next."
Jared dropped his bag on the floor and was inside Chad's space in three long steps, was holding Chad still with both hands on his face and just kissing him, long and hard like he had something to prove. There was no seduction, no pretend that this was to prove a point or to have a laugh. Jared bit lightly on Chad's lip and licked his way inside, found Chad's tongue and Chad's hand fisting his shirt.
Chad's nails were short and when he dragged them up Jared's back, it felt more raw through the shirt, one hand fisting Jared's hair.
"Took you long enough," Chad said, lips red and open. He pulled at Jared's shirt, yanking it off.
"Sorry," Jared said, and leaned down for another kiss.
*****
end