My sophmore year so far......
I moved in by myself this year. It was difficult to say the least considering I have three flights of stairs and a winding staircase to battle with. This is the reason I still have heavy things in my car even though I have been here for a month. I volunteered for Honors Orientation which was cool, I thought I was a pretty good cohort leader even though most of the time I had no idea what I was doing. I made friends with a lot of my kids aka freshmen, a few that stuck out were Marc who by far is the cutest kid ever and is funny in a corny sort of way and is so sweet and nice. He calls me sis and I call him my lil bro, the only problem is he has this weird notion that I feel like I have to be friends with him because I was his cohort leader and that I am doing him some big favor which is wrong, I like him and think he is awesome and that is why I am friends with him. Another cool kid was Jenna she also, I think, has the same mentality that I am doing her a favor by being friends with her but I also think she is cool and she is hilarious especially when she is drunk but that is besides the point. And then there is Matt aka Hardcore, he is so utterly sarcastic it kills me but we have fun when we hang out and I think it will be good for me to stay friends with him since he doesnt drink or smoke and hopefully it will get me to stop or at least lessen how frequently I smoke and drink. Also he has a killer body, haha, which helps, although that little bitch wont let me see his abs but I have a feeling I might see them soon (cross my fingers). So two weeks into school I already had a failed relationship with this guy Cory, who gave me the same line I got all summer, that he wasnt ready for a relationship. Of course all summer I also got "I am getting back together with my ex" which sucked just as bad. But whatever, it seems guys and I are always going to be a problem, I am the girl guys just want as a friend or fuck buddy nothing more. This fact I am trying not to accept because I want to think there is some sort of hope left but I'm done looking for a relationship, if one falls in my lap then YAY but otherwise I'm not sticking my neck out just to have my head cut off. And to continue with my earlier posts Shawn is back in rehab for the third time since I have known him and we are never ever going to be more than just friends. It was weird because when I went back and read all my posts on him I noticed that I made it seem like he was such a great guy and that our relationship was a good thing but in all actuality I have never been treated worse by anyone in my entire life and I hope to never be treated like that again. The fact that I was crying every night and never going out solely because of him makes me upset now because I realize how much I blinded myself to what was going on and that in all honesty I was so stupid for ever getting in the relationship to begin with. He used me for sex and then verbally abused me every chance he got how I ever stayed in the relationship is beyond me now, I thought I was a slightly stronger person than that but I think part of me enjoyed just having someone even if he treated me like shit 90 percent of the time. Well hopefully I will learn from my mistakes like not dating someone involved with drugs, which rules out most of my guy friends even some of the ones I like romantically but I just cant handle that all over again. Man I really wish I could sleep right now but I am in one of those contemplative let me think of everything wrong with life moods and it is killing me, I have been listening to this one song on repeat for about an hour now, but I think I am going to try and sleep now............