Dreams change.
The last few of my entries have all started with something along the lines of, "My goodness, it's been so long since I've written." Then I talk about how busy I've been with school and rehearsals and spending my free time with Ryan. And really, that's still my life. When I think about it like that, it seems really boring. It probably seems really boring to everyone else out there too, but I don't care.
I'm really enjoying this fairly drama-free, calm exsistance. There's still passion and fire and love and heat and fun and joy. There's still uncertainty. I've discovered some things and decided on some, and really they've just led to more thoughts of "Then what?" But I like where I am. And while I don't think I need to plan out my entire life, some parts of the future are very obvious.
When I came to college I knew that I wanted to study theatre and graduate and then work my way to becoming an award-winning actress. Now I'm not sure I really care so much about that.
Yes, I will continue school and get my BFA. Sure, maybe I'll spend a few years acting. I would like to stay involved in theatre and acting, and if I'm doing really well and it really looks like I could actually make a living from acting then I'll continue. If not, ok.
I was talking to my mom about a week ago. I was telling her about this and how I'd rather get myself established and get married to Ryan and eventually start a family with him. She made me feel a lot better about changing my mind. So many people at school have said, "Do you really just want to settle like that?" "Don't you want to perform and be on stage and travel?" "But what about THEATRE!?" My mom said, "Dreams change as your life changes." My life changed, that's all.
I don't see it as settling at all. Honestly, I'd rather be Ryan's wife and be loved by him than auditioning and auditioning for people who will most likely not give me a part-always worried about what the reviews will say about me. Fuck that.
Give me my Ryan. Give me a small business I can run from home while I take care of our family. Give me a home that we can share, and I will be happy.
I sound so boring and old, but really I don't feel that way. I feel happy, and I'm sure of myself. I have never felt better.
I'm really enjoying this fairly drama-free, calm exsistance. There's still passion and fire and love and heat and fun and joy. There's still uncertainty. I've discovered some things and decided on some, and really they've just led to more thoughts of "Then what?" But I like where I am. And while I don't think I need to plan out my entire life, some parts of the future are very obvious.
When I came to college I knew that I wanted to study theatre and graduate and then work my way to becoming an award-winning actress. Now I'm not sure I really care so much about that.
Yes, I will continue school and get my BFA. Sure, maybe I'll spend a few years acting. I would like to stay involved in theatre and acting, and if I'm doing really well and it really looks like I could actually make a living from acting then I'll continue. If not, ok.
I was talking to my mom about a week ago. I was telling her about this and how I'd rather get myself established and get married to Ryan and eventually start a family with him. She made me feel a lot better about changing my mind. So many people at school have said, "Do you really just want to settle like that?" "Don't you want to perform and be on stage and travel?" "But what about THEATRE!?" My mom said, "Dreams change as your life changes." My life changed, that's all.
I don't see it as settling at all. Honestly, I'd rather be Ryan's wife and be loved by him than auditioning and auditioning for people who will most likely not give me a part-always worried about what the reviews will say about me. Fuck that.
Give me my Ryan. Give me a small business I can run from home while I take care of our family. Give me a home that we can share, and I will be happy.
I sound so boring and old, but really I don't feel that way. I feel happy, and I'm sure of myself. I have never felt better.