omg this is so me!! lol all of you who know me, know this is me!! =D

Jul 06, 2005 15:25

ARIES : Drinking style
Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes
don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive
streak makes them prone to closing-time shot contests.
They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty
after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is
a good way to get what you want out of them, should
other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when
blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened
should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They
can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long as
you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to
them last night, you sneaky Gemini.

TAURUS Drinking style
Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming
for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a
truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the
kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red
wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to
employers, the preference for wining and dining (or
Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite
fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that
the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A
squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of
loudmouth soup, some would say) and is extremely
amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.

GEMINI Drinking style
Geminis can drink without changing their behavior much
-- they're so naturally chatty and
short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell
sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with
finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely
advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Geminis
possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly,
which is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to
order different cocktails every round -- repetition is
boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks:
beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own
amusement.

CANCER Drinking style
Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with
dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra
comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow
water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard
against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting
out secret parties and insinuating themselves on VIP
lists -- and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are
never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and
emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's
nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a
few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite
Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. The
sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be
adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.

LEO Drinking style
Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous dancers, and
usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity
and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware they're darling -
Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their
limit, probably because they loathe losing
self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect
flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one what
brung them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even
when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder,
Cancer) and expect a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to
make it up to you the next day.

VIRGO Drinking style
Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto
their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity
could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure --
but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to
sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty.
They rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when they
do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's
an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it
loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one
Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low
level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!

LIBRA Drinking style
"I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's jusht
that I'm so damn social?" Libra loves nothing more
than to party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether
dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Friend
device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side
(they are little instigators when bored), the Scales
can really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras
are notoriously lacking in self-control, however,
which can get them into all sorts of trouble --
including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early
in the evening, flirting with every man/woman in the room
or even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!

SCORPIO Drinking style
Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for
they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally
keep tippling till they're hog-whimpering drunk, out
of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw
you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see
the sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as
a personality-altering tool -- though if depressed, self-loathing
Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating
drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They
also remember everything -- especially what you did
when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.

SAGITTARIUS Drinking style
In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze
blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your
secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside,
Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a
sign of serious partying (what else would you expect
from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush
twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who
chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire
crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or
a playground, or Cancun. Good-natured hijinks are sure
to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy
groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).

CAPRICORN Drinking style
Capricorn is usually described as practical,
steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no
wonder they get left off the astrological
cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David
Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis.
Capricorn is the true rock star: independent,
powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to
please. And if they make money being themselves, who
are you to quibble? But just like most rock stars,
they're either totally on or totally off, and they
generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up
and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hook
up with a cute groupie.

AQUARIUS Drinking style
Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well
(except for water, that is). They have an innate
tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an
idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain
or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing
an outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their
duties to get combative -- and they make perfectly
charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're
usually capital drink-nursers. They also make the best designated
drivers (if you can get them before they start raising their wrist):
Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding
interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.

PISCES Drinking style
If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard
that you share a sign and an addictive personality --
with Liz Taylor, Liza Minelli and Kurt Cobain. Not
only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling
that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance fast.
Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they're
fabulously enchanting partners, whether in
conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you
can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and wind
up in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive
personality" can be read two ways, you know. .
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