Whatever
I'm an idiot.
I took dude back. We've lasted barely a week without a fight. Tonight he took off in a huff again. I lost my temper b/c he was mocking me, and then admitted it unapologetically when I called him on it.
Here's what happened:
Yesterday after he got off work, he went out with a buddy. He didn't call. Hours went by. Finally he did call and apologized. I let him know that I was worried, and please next time to call. I was SUPER nice about the whole thing, and I definitely had every right to be upset. I let it go, and decided to give him another chance. That's not what this fight was about though. No, he gets off the hook. Again.
Last night at about 8:20 after I'd put Katie down, she asked me to have him come say goodnight. For 20 minutes he tickled her and played with her, getting her ALL riled up before bed. I finally came down at about 8:45 to put a stop to it. I said to him, "well, maybe if you wouldn't get her so riled up"... and that just set him off. His hurt feelings became faaar more important than anything else. When we discussed it afterward, he became defensive. I pointed that out, and he admitted it. The conversation escalated into him saying frustratingly, "I can't say anything right!" and then storming off onto the patio. I let him be. I read about Buddhism. I tried to be compassionate about his hurt feelings.
He came in, kissed me on the forehead, and said goodnight. I asked why he was going to bed without even talking to me about it, and he said he was tired.
Today he called several times to see about my biopsy results. Other than that, he was extremely distant emotionally. When he got home from work, I tried many many many times to get him talking. I tried to get him to bond with me in any way. He resisted.
What got us talking again? Katie playing us both just the way all kids do. After she got a time out for lying to me, I sent her up to a friends place to play. My boyfriend then asked me to make a list of do's and don'ts for him to go by. I said that would make it like I was a dictator, and I don't want that. He said he needs to know, because clearly I feel Katie isn't his and we are constantly contradicting eachother.
I could go on, but it's embarrassing. He began to mock me for saying "I feel", etc. He called that "dr. phil bullshit" and even admitted to mocking me. I wound up losing my temper. I'm not proud of it. I called him a little boy again. I even said fuck off. He'd been cursing and had been completely insensitive.
Whatever. He's gone again. Why do I continue to have any expectations of him at all. Why do I accept his promises.
Love shouldn't be this difficult, should it? I know relationships are difficult, but my God... this is ridiculous. I want it to work. I still do. But I feel like with each terrible experience, and each time he runs off like this... that he will just continue to disappoint me.
He's an idiot too.
Whatever. I might need to vent more tonight. Sorry if it bothers you. I'm sure it's tiresome to hear about.
Fuck it.
I took dude back. We've lasted barely a week without a fight. Tonight he took off in a huff again. I lost my temper b/c he was mocking me, and then admitted it unapologetically when I called him on it.
Here's what happened:
Yesterday after he got off work, he went out with a buddy. He didn't call. Hours went by. Finally he did call and apologized. I let him know that I was worried, and please next time to call. I was SUPER nice about the whole thing, and I definitely had every right to be upset. I let it go, and decided to give him another chance. That's not what this fight was about though. No, he gets off the hook. Again.
Last night at about 8:20 after I'd put Katie down, she asked me to have him come say goodnight. For 20 minutes he tickled her and played with her, getting her ALL riled up before bed. I finally came down at about 8:45 to put a stop to it. I said to him, "well, maybe if you wouldn't get her so riled up"... and that just set him off. His hurt feelings became faaar more important than anything else. When we discussed it afterward, he became defensive. I pointed that out, and he admitted it. The conversation escalated into him saying frustratingly, "I can't say anything right!" and then storming off onto the patio. I let him be. I read about Buddhism. I tried to be compassionate about his hurt feelings.
He came in, kissed me on the forehead, and said goodnight. I asked why he was going to bed without even talking to me about it, and he said he was tired.
Today he called several times to see about my biopsy results. Other than that, he was extremely distant emotionally. When he got home from work, I tried many many many times to get him talking. I tried to get him to bond with me in any way. He resisted.
What got us talking again? Katie playing us both just the way all kids do. After she got a time out for lying to me, I sent her up to a friends place to play. My boyfriend then asked me to make a list of do's and don'ts for him to go by. I said that would make it like I was a dictator, and I don't want that. He said he needs to know, because clearly I feel Katie isn't his and we are constantly contradicting eachother.
I could go on, but it's embarrassing. He began to mock me for saying "I feel", etc. He called that "dr. phil bullshit" and even admitted to mocking me. I wound up losing my temper. I'm not proud of it. I called him a little boy again. I even said fuck off. He'd been cursing and had been completely insensitive.
Whatever. He's gone again. Why do I continue to have any expectations of him at all. Why do I accept his promises.
Love shouldn't be this difficult, should it? I know relationships are difficult, but my God... this is ridiculous. I want it to work. I still do. But I feel like with each terrible experience, and each time he runs off like this... that he will just continue to disappoint me.
He's an idiot too.
Whatever. I might need to vent more tonight. Sorry if it bothers you. I'm sure it's tiresome to hear about.
Fuck it.