DUMP OR BE DUMPED
Why you should not attempt online dating…(My story)
Online dating is totally not natural. It goes against our very grain as human beings. You should not be picking out your mate through premeditated, type-written, witty headlines combined with 2-dimensional (mis)representations of what your mate supposedly looks like. Maybe I’m cynical because it didn’t work for me personally, as it appears that it indeed does work for others, but in my opinion, those people that it DID work for are merely lucky, or maybe not as picky and/or misfortunate as I am.
I’ve been meeting people online for approximately 3 years since my separation from my ex-husband. I don’t even know how many people I’ve dated, so don’t ask. All I can say is that out of X-number of online prospects, only 2 have led to relationships, one lasting six months and the other lasting three. What set these two people apart? Sadly enough, it was mainly physical attributes and attraction.
But to be fair, the 6-monther also had a very mischievous fun-loving personality to go with his amazing physique, and the 3-monther had enough of a sense of humor and old-fashioned chivalry to get me through a couple of months. Unfortunately, the 6-monther refused to commit and only wanted to see me when I didn’t have my son. I wanted more and he wasn’t willing to give it. He eventually proposed to the next girl, whom he met on myspace a week or so after me. The 3-monther turned out to have a major drinking problem, was a chain smoker and had many other annoying habits. He started getting on my nerves so bad that I even hated the way he walked and talked.
But in general, these online dates have gone nowhere fast. A handful of them turned into one-night stands, but I have now learned that when I actually like someone, I should hold out. The majority of them didn’t go beyond the first date because there were no sparks. Some of them turned into “friends.” Some of them didn’t look like their photographs (maybe because they were taken 10 years ago?) and were real disappointments.
Lately it seems harder and harder for me to do the online dating thing. It feels more like an interview than a date. And then it seems to turn into one big game. This game is called: “Dump or Be Dumped.” The last online date I had (I was the Dumpee) really upset me. Why? Because I actually liked this one!
We met on Yahoo Personals. He sent me a funny message first and I responded, slowly. He started sending me emails almost everyday and called me several times a week. I was slow to respond those first couple of weeks as I was preoccupied with my son and work, but he continued to pursue me. He invited me to a show one night, but I couldn’t go and he acted disappointed.
Finally, after weeks of him pursuing me - talking on the phone and emailing and IMing, we met face-to-face. I drove to his house in St. Pete and had a nice time drinking wine and eating, and talking to him, his brother, his best friend and his kid. He seemed perfect in every way. I felt we hit it off; it was very refreshing. He called me within an hour of me leaving his house to ask if I had a good time and when he could see me again? That was the clincher-- I was elated, on cloud nine! Finally something good is happening! I thought.
But then I noticed as the next week went on, he wasn’t emailing me every day like he used to. And then there was no more instant messaging. And there’s no phone calls. So I called him late one Weds. night when I couldn’t sleep. He told me all kinds of nice things like how excited he is to see me again, and threw in some racy flirtations. We decided he would come drive to see me the next Monday night and then Friday I would drive up there to see him again. Although this plan was hurriedly made in the middle of the night and wasn’t set in stone, this conversation was just the confirmation I needed to feel secure again. But he doesn’t dial my number or write me another email.
I called him that Saturday. No answer, no return call. I called him on Sunday. No answer, no return call. I texted him on Sunday night to wish him a Happy New Year. I got a “You too. Late night last night.” for an answer. We were supposed to see each other the next day, Monday. No phonecall, so I called him. No answer, no return call. I texted him “OK, I get the hint.” No return text. Tuesday night I had insomnia again and texted him “Are you up?” No answer.
Today is Friday. Still no call, no email, no IM, no text message. I have since deleted my Yahoo profile. I deleted him as friend on myspace. I deleted him as a contact on Yahoo messenger. I deleted him as a contact on my phone. We were supposed to get together tonight, Friday. But I have now made other plans with my friend Karen to go out dancing, and have lined up a NON-ONLINE date for Saturday with a friend of an ex-boyfriend’s (The six-monther. Hey, all’s fair in love and war).
But still….I am hurt and confused about this “perfect” guy I met on Yahoo who went from hot to cold within a week. Do I not look like MY pics? Did someone younger and cuter come along and snatch him up? Is he dead in a ditch? Did he get arrested? Because of my low self esteem, I’m inclined to think either I did something to turn him off or someone better (with bigger boobs?) came along.
Regardless of the reason, I’m never putting another online dating profile up again. My theory is that online dating is like being a kid in a candy store. Many look appealing from the outside and there’s many to choose from, but there’s no substance. I think that no one, myself included, gives each individual prospect a decent chance because there’s so many other people competing for their attention. For every message I get from these guys, they are probably sending the same message to 40 other women, while in turn I’m getting 40 other messages from 40 different men. It just ain’t right, I’m tellin’ ya! Let’s get back to old-fashioned romance-- the chance meeting in the grocery store, the guy who asks me to dance at The Gator Club tonight…
Online dating is totally not natural. It goes against our very grain as human beings. You should not be picking out your mate through premeditated, type-written, witty headlines combined with 2-dimensional (mis)representations of what your mate supposedly looks like. Maybe I’m cynical because it didn’t work for me personally, as it appears that it indeed does work for others, but in my opinion, those people that it DID work for are merely lucky, or maybe not as picky and/or misfortunate as I am.
I’ve been meeting people online for approximately 3 years since my separation from my ex-husband. I don’t even know how many people I’ve dated, so don’t ask. All I can say is that out of X-number of online prospects, only 2 have led to relationships, one lasting six months and the other lasting three. What set these two people apart? Sadly enough, it was mainly physical attributes and attraction.
But to be fair, the 6-monther also had a very mischievous fun-loving personality to go with his amazing physique, and the 3-monther had enough of a sense of humor and old-fashioned chivalry to get me through a couple of months. Unfortunately, the 6-monther refused to commit and only wanted to see me when I didn’t have my son. I wanted more and he wasn’t willing to give it. He eventually proposed to the next girl, whom he met on myspace a week or so after me. The 3-monther turned out to have a major drinking problem, was a chain smoker and had many other annoying habits. He started getting on my nerves so bad that I even hated the way he walked and talked.
But in general, these online dates have gone nowhere fast. A handful of them turned into one-night stands, but I have now learned that when I actually like someone, I should hold out. The majority of them didn’t go beyond the first date because there were no sparks. Some of them turned into “friends.” Some of them didn’t look like their photographs (maybe because they were taken 10 years ago?) and were real disappointments.
Lately it seems harder and harder for me to do the online dating thing. It feels more like an interview than a date. And then it seems to turn into one big game. This game is called: “Dump or Be Dumped.” The last online date I had (I was the Dumpee) really upset me. Why? Because I actually liked this one!
We met on Yahoo Personals. He sent me a funny message first and I responded, slowly. He started sending me emails almost everyday and called me several times a week. I was slow to respond those first couple of weeks as I was preoccupied with my son and work, but he continued to pursue me. He invited me to a show one night, but I couldn’t go and he acted disappointed.
Finally, after weeks of him pursuing me - talking on the phone and emailing and IMing, we met face-to-face. I drove to his house in St. Pete and had a nice time drinking wine and eating, and talking to him, his brother, his best friend and his kid. He seemed perfect in every way. I felt we hit it off; it was very refreshing. He called me within an hour of me leaving his house to ask if I had a good time and when he could see me again? That was the clincher-- I was elated, on cloud nine! Finally something good is happening! I thought.
But then I noticed as the next week went on, he wasn’t emailing me every day like he used to. And then there was no more instant messaging. And there’s no phone calls. So I called him late one Weds. night when I couldn’t sleep. He told me all kinds of nice things like how excited he is to see me again, and threw in some racy flirtations. We decided he would come drive to see me the next Monday night and then Friday I would drive up there to see him again. Although this plan was hurriedly made in the middle of the night and wasn’t set in stone, this conversation was just the confirmation I needed to feel secure again. But he doesn’t dial my number or write me another email.
I called him that Saturday. No answer, no return call. I called him on Sunday. No answer, no return call. I texted him on Sunday night to wish him a Happy New Year. I got a “You too. Late night last night.” for an answer. We were supposed to see each other the next day, Monday. No phonecall, so I called him. No answer, no return call. I texted him “OK, I get the hint.” No return text. Tuesday night I had insomnia again and texted him “Are you up?” No answer.
Today is Friday. Still no call, no email, no IM, no text message. I have since deleted my Yahoo profile. I deleted him as friend on myspace. I deleted him as a contact on Yahoo messenger. I deleted him as a contact on my phone. We were supposed to get together tonight, Friday. But I have now made other plans with my friend Karen to go out dancing, and have lined up a NON-ONLINE date for Saturday with a friend of an ex-boyfriend’s (The six-monther. Hey, all’s fair in love and war).
But still….I am hurt and confused about this “perfect” guy I met on Yahoo who went from hot to cold within a week. Do I not look like MY pics? Did someone younger and cuter come along and snatch him up? Is he dead in a ditch? Did he get arrested? Because of my low self esteem, I’m inclined to think either I did something to turn him off or someone better (with bigger boobs?) came along.
Regardless of the reason, I’m never putting another online dating profile up again. My theory is that online dating is like being a kid in a candy store. Many look appealing from the outside and there’s many to choose from, but there’s no substance. I think that no one, myself included, gives each individual prospect a decent chance because there’s so many other people competing for their attention. For every message I get from these guys, they are probably sending the same message to 40 other women, while in turn I’m getting 40 other messages from 40 different men. It just ain’t right, I’m tellin’ ya! Let’s get back to old-fashioned romance-- the chance meeting in the grocery store, the guy who asks me to dance at The Gator Club tonight…