For Imo...
It's a truism in fandom that everyone is someone's fan. When I was a baby person, just getting into the Tamora Pierce fandom, some of my favourite fics were (still are) by team_fen . This is for one half of that team, Imogen, (and also for Sally and Fen, too).
It is ridiculous crack, but I hope it makes her smile.
Fandom: Tamora Pierce, Tortall
Title: Too silly for a title
Rating: PG
Characters: Delia, Alex and wee!Lerant, who is being led astray.
“So, Sir Alex,” Lady Delia of Eldorne smiled, “will you do me this small favour, so I may have time to arrange this little party? You’ll be invited, too, of course.”
“By arrange, do you mean shout at servants and then spend two hours at the dressmakers?” Alex of Tirragen was sitting a small table in his rooms, carefully polishing his sword. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up and he was paying far more attention to his blade than to Delia.
“I don’t shout at servants unless they are being particularly useless, Alex, and I’ve never spent more than ten minutes at a dress makers in my life.” Delia folded her arms and scowled. “I’m there for long enough to say ‘in the green silk,’ and ‘make the neckline two inches lower’. So there.”
“I wear black because it’s practical, as well as matching my secretly devious nature, but I wondered why you always wore green,” Alex mused.
“It matches my emerald eyes,” Delia sniffed, with a shake of her head.
“Jon always wears blue,” Alex mused. “Perhaps there’s some weird compulsion to always wear clothes the same colour as your eyes.”
“That can’t be true, Roger wears that ridiculous orange patterned smock when he’s working on spells.”
“Delia, when have you seen Duke Roger working on spells?” Alex asked suspiciously.
“Oh, you know, through the half open bed room door when he thought I was still sleeping off the exertions of the night before…”
“Delia! How could you!” Alex flung his polishing cloth across the room. It travelled a few feet before drifting gently to the carpet.
“Well, I’m sure your father should have had this conversation with you some time ago, but; a lady and a man who love each other very much get certain urges…” Delia said, smirking.
“I meant, you bed hopping harpy, that he is mine!”
“Then lay a claim, Sir Knight!” Delia raised one perfectly plucked eyebrow and glared at Alex, her hands on her hips.
“I am waiting for the right moment, Delia, as well you know.”
“Oh, do I!” Delia draped a fine white hand over her, yes, her emerald eyes and gasped ‘it is the love that dare not speak it’s name, I am not worthy, he would laugh, I could not bear it, oh, if I hit things with my shiny sword maybe I can work out my repression…”
“Shut up, Delia, by the Black God!”
Delia giggled. “I thought all you knights were at it all the time!”
“No, we weren’t - well apart from Douglass - and Jon and Alanna definitely don’t count because Alanna is a girl,”
“I hope you sound so disgusted from the Alanna part rather than the girl part.”
“Can’t decide, both icky,” Alex pulled a face, “anyway, the Knights were not all indulging in man-love, no matter what you and Josianne thought at your pajama parties or whatever it is you girls get up to.”
“Pot, Kettle, Black. Maybe they just didn’t let you join in with the man love - Alex, I’m joking!” Delia added hastily when Alex’s eyes suddenly went wide. “You are the most insecure individual I have ever met.”
“Humph,” said Alex, which meant, yes, but we’re not having this discussion now. “So, what favour were you after?”
“It’s just a trifle, really,” Delia smiled. “You see, I’ve the care of my little nephew at the moment, and because he is a true Eldorne, I would rather leave him with a noble than under the care of the hired help.”
“They’ve refused. What did he do?” Alex asked, interested in spite of himself.
“Nothing any other spirited four year old wouldn’t do! Maybe involving some cleaning supplies and some soft furnishings, and maybe the cleaning product was boot polish, and maybe the soft furnishings were the curtains in the throne room.”
Alex chuckled. “I wondered why the throne room was shut. Were you meant to be in charge at the time, too?”
“I have things to do! Without a snot nosed brat in tow!” Delia wailed.
“Where is he now?” Alex asked, suddenly suspicious.
“Outside,” said Delia, with a winning smile.
“Specifically, Delia, considering ‘outside’ technically means ‘the rest of the known world.’”
“He’s tied to the banister on the landing,” Delia said, reassuringly. “It’s a tight knot, he won’t get a far.”
Alex stared at her, then headed out the door. True enough, there was a small, blond boy on the landing outside. Alex noticed this as he tumbled past, head first, and clattered down the stairs until the first turn stopped his momentum. “Whut?” he gasped, untangling his limbs and lurching back up the stairs on hands and knees.
“Lerant!” Delia was scolding. “That cord is for not for your entertainment. And what did we learn about trip-ropes yesterday?”
“…between ankle and knee..” the boy muttered, pouting as only an Eldorne could.
“So that one was?”
“Too low….”
“So?”
“Man fell wrong…”
“Quite right, Lerant. But because of the stairs, it all worked out well.” Delia smiled at Alex. “Alex can teach you about swords, if you like, when he’s taking care of you this afternoon.”
“Is he a Knight?” Lerant suddenly looked up, all big hopeful eyes. “Are you a Knight? I want to be a Knight.”
“Well, maybe we could go and look at the tilting..” Alex found himself saying.
“Delia smiled and ruffled Lerant’s blond hair.
It is ridiculous crack, but I hope it makes her smile.
Fandom: Tamora Pierce, Tortall
Title: Too silly for a title
Rating: PG
Characters: Delia, Alex and wee!Lerant, who is being led astray.
“So, Sir Alex,” Lady Delia of Eldorne smiled, “will you do me this small favour, so I may have time to arrange this little party? You’ll be invited, too, of course.”
“By arrange, do you mean shout at servants and then spend two hours at the dressmakers?” Alex of Tirragen was sitting a small table in his rooms, carefully polishing his sword. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up and he was paying far more attention to his blade than to Delia.
“I don’t shout at servants unless they are being particularly useless, Alex, and I’ve never spent more than ten minutes at a dress makers in my life.” Delia folded her arms and scowled. “I’m there for long enough to say ‘in the green silk,’ and ‘make the neckline two inches lower’. So there.”
“I wear black because it’s practical, as well as matching my secretly devious nature, but I wondered why you always wore green,” Alex mused.
“It matches my emerald eyes,” Delia sniffed, with a shake of her head.
“Jon always wears blue,” Alex mused. “Perhaps there’s some weird compulsion to always wear clothes the same colour as your eyes.”
“That can’t be true, Roger wears that ridiculous orange patterned smock when he’s working on spells.”
“Delia, when have you seen Duke Roger working on spells?” Alex asked suspiciously.
“Oh, you know, through the half open bed room door when he thought I was still sleeping off the exertions of the night before…”
“Delia! How could you!” Alex flung his polishing cloth across the room. It travelled a few feet before drifting gently to the carpet.
“Well, I’m sure your father should have had this conversation with you some time ago, but; a lady and a man who love each other very much get certain urges…” Delia said, smirking.
“I meant, you bed hopping harpy, that he is mine!”
“Then lay a claim, Sir Knight!” Delia raised one perfectly plucked eyebrow and glared at Alex, her hands on her hips.
“I am waiting for the right moment, Delia, as well you know.”
“Oh, do I!” Delia draped a fine white hand over her, yes, her emerald eyes and gasped ‘it is the love that dare not speak it’s name, I am not worthy, he would laugh, I could not bear it, oh, if I hit things with my shiny sword maybe I can work out my repression…”
“Shut up, Delia, by the Black God!”
Delia giggled. “I thought all you knights were at it all the time!”
“No, we weren’t - well apart from Douglass - and Jon and Alanna definitely don’t count because Alanna is a girl,”
“I hope you sound so disgusted from the Alanna part rather than the girl part.”
“Can’t decide, both icky,” Alex pulled a face, “anyway, the Knights were not all indulging in man-love, no matter what you and Josianne thought at your pajama parties or whatever it is you girls get up to.”
“Pot, Kettle, Black. Maybe they just didn’t let you join in with the man love - Alex, I’m joking!” Delia added hastily when Alex’s eyes suddenly went wide. “You are the most insecure individual I have ever met.”
“Humph,” said Alex, which meant, yes, but we’re not having this discussion now. “So, what favour were you after?”
“It’s just a trifle, really,” Delia smiled. “You see, I’ve the care of my little nephew at the moment, and because he is a true Eldorne, I would rather leave him with a noble than under the care of the hired help.”
“They’ve refused. What did he do?” Alex asked, interested in spite of himself.
“Nothing any other spirited four year old wouldn’t do! Maybe involving some cleaning supplies and some soft furnishings, and maybe the cleaning product was boot polish, and maybe the soft furnishings were the curtains in the throne room.”
Alex chuckled. “I wondered why the throne room was shut. Were you meant to be in charge at the time, too?”
“I have things to do! Without a snot nosed brat in tow!” Delia wailed.
“Where is he now?” Alex asked, suddenly suspicious.
“Outside,” said Delia, with a winning smile.
“Specifically, Delia, considering ‘outside’ technically means ‘the rest of the known world.’”
“He’s tied to the banister on the landing,” Delia said, reassuringly. “It’s a tight knot, he won’t get a far.”
Alex stared at her, then headed out the door. True enough, there was a small, blond boy on the landing outside. Alex noticed this as he tumbled past, head first, and clattered down the stairs until the first turn stopped his momentum. “Whut?” he gasped, untangling his limbs and lurching back up the stairs on hands and knees.
“Lerant!” Delia was scolding. “That cord is for not for your entertainment. And what did we learn about trip-ropes yesterday?”
“…between ankle and knee..” the boy muttered, pouting as only an Eldorne could.
“So that one was?”
“Too low….”
“So?”
“Man fell wrong…”
“Quite right, Lerant. But because of the stairs, it all worked out well.” Delia smiled at Alex. “Alex can teach you about swords, if you like, when he’s taking care of you this afternoon.”
“Is he a Knight?” Lerant suddenly looked up, all big hopeful eyes. “Are you a Knight? I want to be a Knight.”
“Well, maybe we could go and look at the tilting..” Alex found himself saying.
“Delia smiled and ruffled Lerant’s blond hair.