(no subject)
Wow my life sucks... i think the only thing i have right now thats keeping me sane is chilling with brandon and christmas shopping.. I hate this im sitting here next to the phone praying that Steve will call and come over so we can talk but i think he forgot again... as always... I feel so forgotten and useless... I really hate myself... I cant stand what Im becoming again.. it feels like the only time i can smile is when brandon is here making me laugh or the fake one i have when steve is here... other than that nothing, i feel pain and hurt all the time... and I feel sick... I cant sleep well either.. to many thoughts running through my mind... i hate it.. i hate everything that my life is turning out to be... i hate love and having emotion I hate that there is still 6 more months to go before i can leave this shit hole.... I hate being forced to go on with my life, when I already know where its going... You wait your entire life to find the one person you want to be with.. your soul mate.. the love of your life that you know with every inch of your mind, body and soul is the only person for you... well i had him and i lost him... so now i know that i am alone for the rest of my life... it sucks so bad to sit here and know that i have been right all the time.... I AM FOREVER ALONE!.... and I am going to die alone! ah fuck this stupid thing I dont even know why i am up dating anymore... FUCK THIS WORLD!!!! FUCK EVERYTHING!!!! ehh not like any one else really cares cept brandon... whatever im done...
shay
shay