I went to Florida
I won money from a settlement last year. There was a lawsuit for my husband's accidental death, and me and my son won some money from it. I wanted to take my son on an epic vacation to FL where every day was a "yes day". We started out in Orlando and did a Disney day, stopped for one night in Pompano so I could get a tattoo from an old middle school friend, and then South Beach Miami for the remainder of the trip (like 3 days).
When we arrived to our first hotel, we were both amazed with everything. It had been more than 20 years since I had been on Disney property, and my son had never ever been, he'd never seen anything like that. We started out at the hotel we had booked, one of the value resorts, the "All star Movies" resort. When they asked me at check in if there were any special occasions we were celebrating or if it was either of our first times, I told them that I used to live in FL, we'd go to Disney every year, but I haven't been back in 20 years. They gave both of us "first time" buttons (they said 20 years absence counts as first time when you come back!). We went to the food court because we were starved, they did not feed us on the nonstop flight. My phone kept blowing up while we were getting our food, but the food court was so crazy I couldn't hear them. They sent someone to go find me to talk to me, I was literally shaking because I thought I was in trouble for some reason. The opposite was true, they thought it was so special that I was back after 20 years that they gave us a free upgrade to a deluxe resort! We got to stay in the Animal Kingdom Lodge with a savannah view room. I got to wake up and see giraffes outside my window, GIRAFFES!!! The last time I was at a Disney resort with my family of origin, we stayed there. I never thought I'd be able to take my kid, I thought it was always going to be out of my price range.
But yeah, I think my son thinks I'm just magical now. I got us the *good* Disney Magic, lol.
We met up with a friend from high school who went with us to Epcot. He was the only one who wanted to see me when I told people that I was coming to FL. I was very glad to have his help, it's been at least 25 years since I've been to Epcot and literally nothing was the same as I remember it. It rained HARD while we were there but my son actually wanted to be able to experience Florida rain (I told him it's different than Washington rain) and I brought poncho style raincoats, so it was all okay. We only went on a few rides, I was honestly overwhelmed by all the long line waits, I don't remember it being like that when I was a kid.
The next day we spent relaxing at the pool and just taking it easy, we went to Disney Springs to see the cirque du soleil, which was AMAZING! Blew my son away.
My tattoo went well, I had not seen that friend since middle school so it was neat to catch up. My tattoo looks fucking amazing, he did Girafarig from Pokemon. I have no idea how to post photos to my lj without using photobucket, which I don't even use anymore.
South Beach was the only part of FL that looked like it did not change in the last 20 years. We stayed at The Cardozo, which is right on the beach at the beginning of the South Beach strip. We got there on a Saturday so we got to experience the nightlife. Again, my son was absolutely blown away. We walked up and down the strip several times, driving in that area is almost impossible and there was a CVS like a mile from our hotel and I kept forgetting stuff and having to go back to the CVS. I did not get to go in the ocean, I had a fresh tattoo and Miami Beach is literally full of poop anyways. I sat on the shore and watched the waves, I met some local dudes and smoked a joint with them. My favorite thing to do while on this vacation was watch people's eyes get really big when I told them that I grew up there but had not been back in so long. "Why???" they'd say. It was funny, nobody seemed to understand why someone would want to leave Miami and go live someplace cold.
After coming back home from FL, it brought up all these confusing feelings. Where is "home" anyway? I get "homesick" now when I think about Florida. What's up with that? I think I just finally realized that FL is best experienced as a tourist. It was truly a unique experience, it felt like I was on vacation with thousands of other strangers, like we were all experiencing this together.
I showed my son two of the three houses that I lived in when I was growing up. We moved out of the first one in 1993. I did not expect the house to look the same after 31 years, but what I was not prepared for was how different the neighborhood looked. I mean, if my house wasn't going to look the same then it's logical that the other houses also wouldn't look the same. But I had to fully rely on my GPS to get me there, I had no idea where I was and I could not even point out the houses of my former best friends. It made me cry, which made me feel bad because I was crying in front of my kid. But I also believe that doing so makes us more relatable as parents. My Gables house still looked the same. It's mind boggling to think that the first entries of this livejournal were written inside that house.
I have been trying to keep this old dusty lj updated, but every time I try to write stuff, I freeze up. Life has gotten so complicated and gritty. I am at the bottom of my settlement money, I did A LOT of productive stuff with it, I paid off my car and I bought my step daughter her first car (her mom is absent from our lives, she is my kid as much or as little as she wants to be), I went on that vacation and I updated ALL of the furniture in our house and bought myself a new desktop computer. It's got a 27 inch screen, my laptop feels like a smartphone now.
I work at a 24 hour gym as their cleaner. This is a job I never thought I would enjoy, but here I am, actually kind of liking it! Of course I don't love cleaning shitty toilets or the body pain, but I like how this work is helping me get back in shape and being a cleaner is a "helper" position and I really do enjoy being a helper. I think fitness is important, and I know that there are lots of people who would use any little excuse to not go to the gym, which includes "the gym was dirty/dusty". I get random compliments all the time, not about me but about my work. Folks come up to me and tell me how clean everything is and they think I'm doing such a good job. I have never been a professional cleaner, so it feels nice to be recognized for my work.
So that's been my life so far this year. I don't ever want to hear anyone say "money does not buy happiness" ever again because getting that settlement check was literally the best moment of my life. Yeah, my husband is still dead. Yes, I still have CPTSD. But having money is like "life lubricant", shit just works better when you have it even if other stuff is kind of broken.
PS, I'm the mother of a 16 year old. What the fuck has happened to all those years? I turned 40 this year, is it really 2024? My son talks to me like I am a human, my son talks to me with his problems, my son asks me for advice and asks me about how things were when I was his age. I never had that with my own mom and I have to work VERY HARD to not cry (happy tears) when he opens up to me because I am so fucking proud of both of us for how far we have come.