Maid
I finally watched Maid. I knew it was going to be triggering. I went through a whole box of tissues, I was crying so much. It was painful to see it on tv. It was painful to see someone else going through it, even though it was fictional characters. It was painful to ssee all of the ways in which her struggle was easier and harder than mine. SPOILERS ahead, sorry. But the ending kind of pissed me off. It was just over, just like that. He realized he couldn't do it, so he gave up. They don't do that. Chad didn't do that. The only reason I'm safe now is because he is dead. Chad couldn't do it by himself, so he pawned off our child onto anyone who would take them. I just didn't have a fancy lawyer like the main character in Maid. That's it, the lawyer and her ex giving up. That's how she won. That's how she did it. If those two things didn't happen she would be fucked ten ways to sunday.
It makes me angry that I couldn't find a DV shelter like she found in the series. I know they're not that nice IRL but I couldn't find anything at all. And anyone I talked to very much cared that I did not have bruises. I would try to document it when I did have marks, but of course Chad had control of all my devices and he would delete any and all evidence. Control. Nobody should be controlling anyone else. Period. But you can't go to a judge and be like "he is controlling everything I do" because they just won't listen to that. You have to have bruises. Marks. You have to almost die struggling to be free before anyone will notice you.
Something in the show really struck a nerve with me. At one point she is at the DV shelter and she asks the peson in charge if she has to legally notify her ex that she has taken their child there. The lady says that in WA state, if you're in a DV shelter then you legally have 21 days to notify the other parent. I know that in 2015, Chad took our child to a shelter before they absconded to FL. I just now connected those dots...he was at a DV shelter. He told them that I was the abuser. The abuser told them that he was being abused. And they believed him. They believed him and they helped that monster keep my baby away from me. They helped him. I am just horrifically furious at how the system failed so disgustingly.
I know I'm not a perfect person. But I was not the abuser in that situation. I did not take Chad's phone away or scream at him when he went out with his friends. I did not force him to sell his car, I did not tell him he wasn't allowed to get a job. I was not the one who destroyed my apartment and threw donuts around like a crazy person. I was not the one who tore my own rotator cuff. It makes me feel so angry when I think about it. I'm so fucking pissed but there is nobody to be angry at. He's dead. I could rage on my mother, one of the people who believed that I was the abuser and helped him take my child away, but doing so would just show her what she wants to see. She wants me to be the crazy unhinged person that Chad told her that I am. She still believes Chad. She still thinks that I am the one who was abusing him, not the other way around. She still thinks that I was lying when finally told her what was going on. It makes me sick with anger.
I really wish I could get my family to watch this series. But if they did I doubt they would connect the dots that this was way too similar to my own situation. They would probably think that the show was worse than what was going on with me when in fact my real life was worse than the show.
I cried a lot while I watched it but it made me feel a lot better afterward.
It makes me angry that I couldn't find a DV shelter like she found in the series. I know they're not that nice IRL but I couldn't find anything at all. And anyone I talked to very much cared that I did not have bruises. I would try to document it when I did have marks, but of course Chad had control of all my devices and he would delete any and all evidence. Control. Nobody should be controlling anyone else. Period. But you can't go to a judge and be like "he is controlling everything I do" because they just won't listen to that. You have to have bruises. Marks. You have to almost die struggling to be free before anyone will notice you.
Something in the show really struck a nerve with me. At one point she is at the DV shelter and she asks the peson in charge if she has to legally notify her ex that she has taken their child there. The lady says that in WA state, if you're in a DV shelter then you legally have 21 days to notify the other parent. I know that in 2015, Chad took our child to a shelter before they absconded to FL. I just now connected those dots...he was at a DV shelter. He told them that I was the abuser. The abuser told them that he was being abused. And they believed him. They believed him and they helped that monster keep my baby away from me. They helped him. I am just horrifically furious at how the system failed so disgustingly.
I know I'm not a perfect person. But I was not the abuser in that situation. I did not take Chad's phone away or scream at him when he went out with his friends. I did not force him to sell his car, I did not tell him he wasn't allowed to get a job. I was not the one who destroyed my apartment and threw donuts around like a crazy person. I was not the one who tore my own rotator cuff. It makes me feel so angry when I think about it. I'm so fucking pissed but there is nobody to be angry at. He's dead. I could rage on my mother, one of the people who believed that I was the abuser and helped him take my child away, but doing so would just show her what she wants to see. She wants me to be the crazy unhinged person that Chad told her that I am. She still believes Chad. She still thinks that I am the one who was abusing him, not the other way around. She still thinks that I was lying when finally told her what was going on. It makes me sick with anger.
I really wish I could get my family to watch this series. But if they did I doubt they would connect the dots that this was way too similar to my own situation. They would probably think that the show was worse than what was going on with me when in fact my real life was worse than the show.
I cried a lot while I watched it but it made me feel a lot better afterward.