Self Love September Day 9: Warning Signs
For me, self love is getting rid of that head vs. heart dichotomy. My whole body is intelligent and gives me information.
Before Self Love, I thought of my anxiety symptoms as something to fix and get rid of. In fact, I didn't even know what anxiety symptoms really were. I had a therapist who showed me how to describe my feelings on a physical level. My heart is racing? My stomach hurts? My chest is tight? These are pieces of information. These are signs that something is wrong - I need to remove myself or do some meditation if leaving is not possible.
Recently, someone very important to me reached out after so many years of silence. This was a moment I'd been waiting for and daydreaming about for years. But my body was not handling it well. Back in the day, before the years of silence, I was mentally convinced that this person was someone I was meant to be with forever.
But even back then, my body threw fits. I didn't realize back then that the health issues I developed when he was in my life were just what some call a "gut feeling" that had gone ignored for too long. I didn't see his betrayal coming when it happened. At the time, I had no idea he was lying through his teeth to me every day. But my body knew.
This time around, I'm wiser. I knew that these new health issues - tiny tiny blisters on my hands, constant diahrrea, racing thoughts, sleeplessness and tight chest - were here for a reason.
This is where the magic happens - I told him I didn't want to communicate anymore. We had a peaceful goodbye and guess what... those blisters are gone. I'm not agonizing on the toilet anymore. I'm sleeping just fine. The tight chest... well that is on and off because there are plenty of other parts of my life that trigger my anxiety.
I won't speculate on the greater meaning of it all... I have built trust enough with my body that I don't need to question or test it.
In fact, I feel gratitude and love for my body's messages. Even simple pains from toe stubbing or a stomach ache... They are messengers that I'm not treating my body well, or I'm being very thoughtless (clumsiness and accidents happen a lot when my mind is out of my control).