Dating Contract (What I Do When I Should Be Studying)
Any eligible males who wish to date Miss Winona L. Landis must sign the terms and agreements listed below. The signature means that said male has read and understands all sections of the contract. Breaking of any of the agreements will find the contract null and void.
I. You must be patient and try to get along with Miss Landis' family. You will make a conscious effort to be kind to the younger siblings, especially Job. He has Autism and you must never, under any circumstances make fun of or be impatient with him. Any violation of Section I will find the contract automatically void and the signees ass immediately kicked.
II. You must be willing to hang out with Miss Landis' friends. They are fun, crazy, weird, and do not party. At the very least, they must be respected. If the signee finds himself in violation of Section II, this will also result in an ass kicking to the nearest curb.
III. Miss Landis can be described as quirky, fun-loving, and dorky. She watches cartoon, reads Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings, and may in fact be perpetually ten years old at heart. If eligible male cannot agree to Section III, please do not sign the contract. In fact, if you did not already know this about Miss Landis, then why the hell did you bother to read this contract anyway?
IV. You must respect Miss Landis' somewhat unhealthy obsession with the Dave Matthews Band. Potential boyfriend must be willing to listen to the Dave Matthews Band from time to time in the car. You must also be willing to go to a Dave Matthews Band concert or not feel threatened if Miss Landis goes to said concert with another person.
V. You must talk to Miss Landis and be a good listener when she talks, which is quite often. As simple as Section V seems, Miss Landis finds it important that any potential boyfriend talk to her because he genuinely wants to. Please respect everything Miss Landis has to say, even if you do not agree.
VI. Always tell Miss Landis how much you like/care about/love her, etc. She has been disappointed enough times that every now and then she may need some reassurance. Section VI does not mean, however, that Miss Landis cares about the signee any less.
The signature below will make the contract binding. All terms of the contract must be followed.
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I. You must be patient and try to get along with Miss Landis' family. You will make a conscious effort to be kind to the younger siblings, especially Job. He has Autism and you must never, under any circumstances make fun of or be impatient with him. Any violation of Section I will find the contract automatically void and the signees ass immediately kicked.
II. You must be willing to hang out with Miss Landis' friends. They are fun, crazy, weird, and do not party. At the very least, they must be respected. If the signee finds himself in violation of Section II, this will also result in an ass kicking to the nearest curb.
III. Miss Landis can be described as quirky, fun-loving, and dorky. She watches cartoon, reads Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings, and may in fact be perpetually ten years old at heart. If eligible male cannot agree to Section III, please do not sign the contract. In fact, if you did not already know this about Miss Landis, then why the hell did you bother to read this contract anyway?
IV. You must respect Miss Landis' somewhat unhealthy obsession with the Dave Matthews Band. Potential boyfriend must be willing to listen to the Dave Matthews Band from time to time in the car. You must also be willing to go to a Dave Matthews Band concert or not feel threatened if Miss Landis goes to said concert with another person.
V. You must talk to Miss Landis and be a good listener when she talks, which is quite often. As simple as Section V seems, Miss Landis finds it important that any potential boyfriend talk to her because he genuinely wants to. Please respect everything Miss Landis has to say, even if you do not agree.
VI. Always tell Miss Landis how much you like/care about/love her, etc. She has been disappointed enough times that every now and then she may need some reassurance. Section VI does not mean, however, that Miss Landis cares about the signee any less.
The signature below will make the contract binding. All terms of the contract must be followed.
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