So I think I need to rewatch S4. As in, all of it. From Lazarus to Lucifer and yes, that unfortunately includes Yellow Fever and ASS and CAIADB. There are just so many interesting themes and nuances that keep getting brought up and even each of the MOTW throwaway episodes does something to refer to the overall mytharc in some way or another,
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And it's true too that ROHDWIB (I probably should look his name up) isn't an exact match for Ruby, but I maintain that the circumstances are very much the same there: both think a loved one is dead, both allow themselves to be "transformed" in a period of rage and grief, and both basically then ignore the fact that their loved one is, in fact, alive. The transformation takes them past the point of caring for their respective loved ones; their "death" was the catalyst, but once the change started to occur, it almost became meaningless. So in that regard, ROHDWIB is more akin perhaps to Lilith than to Ruby, by acting as the force that "killed" Jack's wife and just like Lilith and Sam, Jack winds up being the force that kills his wife's "murderer".
I think though that it's when the choice is made that matters most. There was no immediate danger to Sam when he made his choice, true, but that was only because Dean was already dead. He already was in terrible danger, one that Sam couldn't protect Dean from. It was the point of despair he was at that allowed him to make the choice at all.
I very much think that Sam's story became one of an addict, but when it first started out it was something a bit different.
From Sam's POV? Maybe. From general POV? No. I didn't see there any love from Sam to Dean (as the whole season) and the reason he no longer knows Dean is on him.
IMHO, the "lessons" in each episode weren't always so clear as one might otherwise suspect. The other lesson I'd take from 4x14 might either be "people are hell" all No Exit style (as Dean's lesson of the week) or perhaps a redux of "be careful what you wish for". But the clearest lesson in there to me is still the Sam specific "you can love someone even when you no longer know or even particularly like them". They literally spelled that one out for the audience, you know?
And I very much think Doctor Hot Lady was a very suspicious character. I didn't trust Nick either, but I was thinking that there were two Sirens at work when I first watched. I wouldn't be surprised at all to learn that she had killed her husband and you're right, she's not a very pleasant character for Sam to be so directly compared with. I think though that was very much also done deliberately; they couldn't come right out and say what Sam was up to in 4x14, but by linking him so intimately (via sex and motivation) with the good doctor, it casts Sam in a very negative light - all without them having to say a word or reveal anything really of Sam himself.
I also firmly believe that Dean was in danger from Sam. 4x21 proves that quite aptly. I know a lot of people were upset at Dean for not agreeing to go with Sam and then just killing Ruby later on, but you know, I can't help but to think that Sam would only have grown more dangerous as time passed. If the fight hadn't happened when it had, I'm not so sure Sam would have refrained from killing Dean.
However I'm not so certain that Dean's in such danger now. I don't think Sam would have been nearly so volatile and aggressive had he not just imbibed so very much blood and I can't see Sam ever doing so again of his own free will, no matter how bad the withdrawal is, because now he understands the consequences. Sam's a good person, he's just done some majorly stupid, hurtful, thoughtless things. But because he's a good person, I don't think he'll ever be quite so dangerous a man as he was in 4x21. Well, not so long as Dean is around at any rate. And I can't see Dean leaving Sam, not even after Sam tried to kill him.
Which is almost something of a shame, because way to tease at an evil!Sam storyline without actually delivering, Kripke!
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