(no subject)
This is rather good beer that I've found. Tasty. I'm sad it's all gone. This makes me laugh now but in the morning I'll think I'm stupid. Right now I think that's hilarious. Tonight's self thinks morning's self is a moron. I'm sure she thinks likewise. Unfortunately morning self prefers "having had a beer" self, even when she won't admit it. And therein lies the problem. I have had nothing of this sort in two weeks. I'm not the kind of alcoholic that slinks off to a corner store in the middle of the night and buys the cheapest alcoholic beverage he can find. I don't lie awake at night and wish I had it. I do not compulsively buy it. But if I buy alcohol I don't stop drinking it.
Usually if I have had a couple of drinks then I would somehow wind up in contact with him. And it was not always me. It was like a moth to the flame. Now, though, he's gone. Now without the constant reminders I can breathe and I don't care. It's so lovely not to care. I suppose that's why alcohol is so lovely to me in the first place. But not caring about the past... not caring about people... that is a glorious thing to me. I would love to stop caring.
Usually if I have had a couple of drinks then I would somehow wind up in contact with him. And it was not always me. It was like a moth to the flame. Now, though, he's gone. Now without the constant reminders I can breathe and I don't care. It's so lovely not to care. I suppose that's why alcohol is so lovely to me in the first place. But not caring about the past... not caring about people... that is a glorious thing to me. I would love to stop caring.