(no subject)
Feeling as though I've done a 360 work wise since last post. Ok fine maybe more like a 325. That said, as usual it was much ado about nothing. I'm feeling the twinges of summer boredom set in and I'm trying to shrug it off knowing that despite my desire to return to my new friends and new life, as well as the learning (vet med is cool)...I'm trying to remind myself that once school is in full swing it will be HELLISH. Same as last. No life, not much fun...my most intimate relationship being with my mac.
I'm trying to have fashion.
I'm trying to stay in touch with friends. WITHOUT allowing for any weirdness. I'm miss the T. H.'s and M.R.'s of my life. Is it possible to reconnect without seeming as though I'm opening any doors? Probably not. If I said it once I've said it a thousand times, a lady in a committed relationship can have no real "relationship" with another male, you can keep them on the fringes fine, but then what's the use? Bah.
SO there's a sex and the city episode right, where Carrie describes Samantha as having a sort of deluded self-confidence. Which I love, because I believe that describes me well. With hopes that no one who knows me actually uses livejournal anymore, I write now with what will come off as vain and pompous (and deluded mind you) candor. Although I have insecurities physically as any girl does, I wish my legs were longer and slimmer, you know that old chestnut. And although I love supermodels (I can't help it they're awesome) and I'm well aware of the fact that my hair doesn't look like that, clothes will never fit me like that, and god damn it I will NEVER be photogenic, some how my confidence manages to remain for the most part unphased. And it might be vain, it might be trite and completely unfounded, but I believe its a saving grace that as a women that I walk into a room and am thoroughly convinced that people notice. That should I choose to do so, I could have any man I wanted. Deluded? Uh, yeah. But I think its actually what keeps me sane.
I know what I look like, I know what I am, and what I'm not. But that doesn't keep me from thinking I'm fabulous when I need to feel fabulous.
What other think of course shouldn't matter, but such idealism only goes so far. Realistically, it matters greatly to one's self image and self confidence. It take a very strong and rare individual to truly be indifferent to the opinions of others keeping their happiness and confidence intact. Now, should I have claimed to be one of those individuals, that would have truly been arrogant and deluded. I am no such person.
I do what I do to get by, and for me it works. It's why I got the red underwear from Lynleigh :)
I'm trying to have fashion.
I'm trying to stay in touch with friends. WITHOUT allowing for any weirdness. I'm miss the T. H.'s and M.R.'s of my life. Is it possible to reconnect without seeming as though I'm opening any doors? Probably not. If I said it once I've said it a thousand times, a lady in a committed relationship can have no real "relationship" with another male, you can keep them on the fringes fine, but then what's the use? Bah.
SO there's a sex and the city episode right, where Carrie describes Samantha as having a sort of deluded self-confidence. Which I love, because I believe that describes me well. With hopes that no one who knows me actually uses livejournal anymore, I write now with what will come off as vain and pompous (and deluded mind you) candor. Although I have insecurities physically as any girl does, I wish my legs were longer and slimmer, you know that old chestnut. And although I love supermodels (I can't help it they're awesome) and I'm well aware of the fact that my hair doesn't look like that, clothes will never fit me like that, and god damn it I will NEVER be photogenic, some how my confidence manages to remain for the most part unphased. And it might be vain, it might be trite and completely unfounded, but I believe its a saving grace that as a women that I walk into a room and am thoroughly convinced that people notice. That should I choose to do so, I could have any man I wanted. Deluded? Uh, yeah. But I think its actually what keeps me sane.
I know what I look like, I know what I am, and what I'm not. But that doesn't keep me from thinking I'm fabulous when I need to feel fabulous.
What other think of course shouldn't matter, but such idealism only goes so far. Realistically, it matters greatly to one's self image and self confidence. It take a very strong and rare individual to truly be indifferent to the opinions of others keeping their happiness and confidence intact. Now, should I have claimed to be one of those individuals, that would have truly been arrogant and deluded. I am no such person.
I do what I do to get by, and for me it works. It's why I got the red underwear from Lynleigh :)