'she will goes on to college' s/b go 'This could be prevented if she had received an a+', that sentence needs something, like, 'This whole mess' or 'this ordeal' or 'this punishment', etc. and 'could have been', have to maintain tense. 'I don't know what is distracting her, maybe it is her boyfriend.' that needs revision, get rid of the comma or something... overreacting over nothing is kind of redundant. i -> I in 'and i replied'
Looks pretty okay overall. Is there a word/page limit to this assignment? I would seperate out the viewpoints with like, centered headings or at least a colon or something, like, Elina: and then the viewpoint. Though the defining sentences place a neat kind of meta-writing element to the piece. Just make sure it is long enough.
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'This could be prevented if she had received an a+', that sentence needs something, like, 'This whole mess' or 'this ordeal' or 'this punishment', etc. and 'could have been', have to maintain tense.
'I don't know what is distracting her, maybe it is her boyfriend.' that needs revision, get rid of the comma or something...
overreacting over nothing is kind of redundant.
i -> I in 'and i replied'
Looks pretty okay overall. Is there a word/page limit to this assignment?
I would seperate out the viewpoints with like, centered headings or at least a colon or something, like, Elina: and then the viewpoint. Though the defining sentences place a neat kind of meta-writing element to the piece. Just make sure it is long enough.
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