In which I save up to 3 lives and get an A+!
So a month ago I decided to donate my blood. I figure the world could really benefit from having a little bit of ME coursing through everyone's veins. SO, for about a week before donating I ate nothing but RAW RED MEAT, SPINACH, CERTAIN CERIALS, A VAREITY OF NUTS, and IRON NAILS to pass the anemia test so I would be able to give.
After passing THE TEST and answering awkward questions about having sex in africa with people who have had a brain transplant in the last 6 months, I took my spot in line and watched everyone who was donating. It was pretty gross.People were throwing up everywhere and fainting. Like, they would stand up and keel over. It was sort of unnerving.
SO WHEN MY TIME CAME I WAS NERVOUS MAYBE. But I got to sit next to my friend, which was cool.
My nurse was not very nice.
She stuck the needle in my arm and left.
BUT SHE STUCK IT IN WRONG. So instead of giving blood, I just had an uncomfortable needle stuck in my arm. Only after my friend had finished giving blood and FAINTED did someone realize that I wasn't doing anything except being in pain.
So they stuck the needle in again.
But my blood clotted, and they had to jiggle the needle around.
It took 32 minutes for me to finish filling the little blood bag, so I was pretty pumped about getting out of there. But I had to hold my arm in the air and hold some gauze on the needle-hole before they could release me.
ONLY I DID SOMETHING WRONG.
While the nurses weren't looking, I put my arm down and removed the gauze, and my blood SPURTED EVERYWHERE.
It was like in a MOVIE. Only grosser, because it was my own blood. I got it all over my sweater. So I quickly put my arm up and didn't say anything.
So when the nurse put my arm down again, I SPURTED ALL OVER AGAIN.
And the nurse yelled, "WE HAVE A GUSHER!" and applied pressure and a bunch of people ran over and put ice on my arm and I was freaking out and bleeding. Blah blah blah it was gross. So they pretty much wrapped my arm up really really REALLY TIGHT and I had a sandwich, and they wanted me to sit in the gymnasium forever but I was like "SCREW THIS I AM OUT OF HERE" and left. Like a rockstar.
They had to close down my station too because I got blood all over the chair and floor.
BUT THEN YESTERDAY I GOT A LITTLE NOTE.
And it was from the Red Cross, and it told me I saved up to three lives, and told me stories about all the people I potentially helped, and they also gave me a little card that says my blood type.
And of course it was
A+.
I am so giving again.
HAIKU!
So I gave some blood,
And I spurted all over!
What an A+ job!
After passing THE TEST and answering awkward questions about having sex in africa with people who have had a brain transplant in the last 6 months, I took my spot in line and watched everyone who was donating. It was pretty gross.People were throwing up everywhere and fainting. Like, they would stand up and keel over. It was sort of unnerving.
SO WHEN MY TIME CAME I WAS NERVOUS MAYBE. But I got to sit next to my friend, which was cool.
My nurse was not very nice.
She stuck the needle in my arm and left.
BUT SHE STUCK IT IN WRONG. So instead of giving blood, I just had an uncomfortable needle stuck in my arm. Only after my friend had finished giving blood and FAINTED did someone realize that I wasn't doing anything except being in pain.
So they stuck the needle in again.
But my blood clotted, and they had to jiggle the needle around.
It took 32 minutes for me to finish filling the little blood bag, so I was pretty pumped about getting out of there. But I had to hold my arm in the air and hold some gauze on the needle-hole before they could release me.
ONLY I DID SOMETHING WRONG.
While the nurses weren't looking, I put my arm down and removed the gauze, and my blood SPURTED EVERYWHERE.
It was like in a MOVIE. Only grosser, because it was my own blood. I got it all over my sweater. So I quickly put my arm up and didn't say anything.
So when the nurse put my arm down again, I SPURTED ALL OVER AGAIN.
And the nurse yelled, "WE HAVE A GUSHER!" and applied pressure and a bunch of people ran over and put ice on my arm and I was freaking out and bleeding. Blah blah blah it was gross. So they pretty much wrapped my arm up really really REALLY TIGHT and I had a sandwich, and they wanted me to sit in the gymnasium forever but I was like "SCREW THIS I AM OUT OF HERE" and left. Like a rockstar.
They had to close down my station too because I got blood all over the chair and floor.
BUT THEN YESTERDAY I GOT A LITTLE NOTE.
And it was from the Red Cross, and it told me I saved up to three lives, and told me stories about all the people I potentially helped, and they also gave me a little card that says my blood type.
And of course it was
A+.
I am so giving again.
HAIKU!
So I gave some blood,
And I spurted all over!
What an A+ job!