how do you measure measure a year?
1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
lived in nyc, lived in the ville, read ulysses, saw the northern lights, got to the last five in assassins, owned a guitar, acted in a movie, rode the philly subway, got high from pot, ate crayfish with a famous rock star
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t remember whether I made any in particular. I have a few big resolutions for the next two weeks. and yes, some general ones for the year (see blog, perhaps.)
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
no, but one conceived(!)
4. Did anyone close to you die?
no, just my smelliott, which was bad enough.
5. What countries did you visit?
Switzerland (and a tiny bit into Germany, without realizing it at first)
6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
a plan, of one kind or another, for the future (say, the next year). I’m not holding my breath though.
7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
does it have to be the specific date itself? well, I guess this is cheating then, but I will certainly remember what happened on 14 February, and the day after, and one week after that (on the 22nd.) 4 August, too, but that’s also a holiday. All for the same kinds of reasons.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
hard to say. I can’t think of much that represented a particularly long period of time. I did some fun small art (my wind trio, my tap piece, my best mixtape covers.) I threw some good parties (good play was probably the best.) Worthstock was pretty great. I think I made a couple of folks’ lives happier, for a while anyway.
9. What was your biggest failure?
okay, here it comes. I don’t think I could have done it by myself, but I’ve never before wanted so much and tried so hard but failed so spectacularly to make a relationship work as I did with Rabi this year. (which isn’t to say that there wasn’t plenty of achievement mixed in there as well. really, I still can’t wrap my head around the whole ordeal.)
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
sure, but nothing significant. this last finals week stint was maybe the nadir, but maybe it just sticks out because it’s recent.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
hm. I guess Think Tank shouldn’t be it (though I did actually buy it, new even.) The drömme is nice. nothing too exciting. I don’t really buy very much besides music and like groceries. Oh, those "computer controlled light display" chasers I got for $6 for the Wrap Party are pretty awesome, maybe because I don’t understand how they work.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Well, Dave McCandlish demonstrated time and time again this year what a terrific fellow he is; a much-appreciated and resourceful and enthusiastic accomplice in a wide range of endeavors. and Rebecca, who really only this year became indisputably my closest friend. we’ve become such an effective team, and I don’t know what I’ll do when I stop living with her or at least having her readily on hand (as I’m sure I will eventually.) also Alyssa, who is still maybe the coolest person I know, and pulls off unemployment with serious savoir-faire. and, if I may add one more, Laura, who I’ve grown to admire quite a lot.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I guess I have to say certain parts of Rabi’s behavior made me most depressed most frequently. I don’t know about appalled. I was pretty upset by some of Joel’s actions, though much of that was more like confusion (same with Rabi. and i would toast at that party for her.) (But I still love y’all…)
14. Where did most of your money go?
rent, yes, and like expenses. music, of course. I got more free music this year than ever before, but it’s conceivable I also spent more on it, I’m not sure.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
new york city! and the weather. food (probably more than usual.) music (duh.) rabi. words. oh, I know what: the central park dance skaters. rock on.
16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
"Such Great Heights," for sure. (probably also my favorite song of the year, except maybe "Red" by Okkervil River, which isn’t from 2003.) "A Simple Formality" by Komeda. Sean Paul’s "Get Busy" was probably the most omnipresent pop song. "Fitted Shirt" and others will probably always make me think of playing it. For specific things [songs that acquired new, indelible associations, albeit all the same one]: "Ripples," most of Summer Sun, "Sweet Song," "Where the Angels Play Their Drum Machines," "Can Our Love…" by Tindersticks. more recently "Waiting for my ruca," perhaps. Microhouse, generally, but no songs in particular. also, the part in "the Brooklynites" where he says "hoyt schermerhooorn," cuz that was my stop.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? kind of similar. not as simply happy (it has been a long time since I’ve been so consistently deliriously happy as I was during, I guess, most of 2001 and 2002, and portions of this year. wonder if that will come back.) at this specific time last year I was doing a lot of the same things I am now - but I did have a tangly relationship that I was trying to sort out, and I don’t have that now. I think I’m somewhat less cosmically uneasy.
ii. thinner or fatter? oh, I don’t know. I’m always thin.
iii. richer or poorer? richer, I guess. not quite sure how to reckon this. I made more money this year than I did in 2002.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
making music. (not being in a band sucked.) being outdoors (doing outdoorsy things), reading, seeing movies (because I missed a lot, as it turns out.)
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Pining despondently, and also being existentially anxious about the future without even trying to do anything concrete about it. I definitely cried substantially more in 2003 than I have in a long time - not always in a bad way though.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
In scarsdale with the fam, as per usual. the caper ("Jew-pardy") was one of the better in these lackluster years. only one or two significant presents, but it/they were good. went to see Return of the King and really liked the parts I didn’t sleep through.
21. Did you fall in love in 2003?
yes, I did.
22. How many one-night stands?
none I think. maybe it depends on how you count. I really don’t like that phrase, even more now because it was part of one of the most paining things that was said to me this year.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
no tv, silly. "the family guy" that they showed on Parrish beach was kind of amusing. I really want to see the HBO "Angels in America."
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
no, I don’t hate anyone.
25. What was the best book you read?
maybe Bee Season? Rowling and Joyce were good too. and Return of the King. i guess i read the Corrections that year.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
well, even though most people haven’t heard of most of the music I listen to, I still don’t feel like very much of it is my own personal discovery - it’s mostly stuff I read about elsewhere. I am quite happy that I recognized the Sufjan Stephens album as bloodygood well before I heard about it from anyone else (I mean, because I really like the album, not because I’m proud of being original.) Same thing with the Decemberists (though that was in 2002, boieey, when they were still on hush.) In terms of stuff I really just discovered on my own, the ones that come to mind are Hang or Die and the Lovebugs (whom I found at a punky record shop in neuchâtel) and Holden (whom I found among the piles of stuff at Luaka.)
27. What did you want and get?
well, Rabi. (and my internship and apartments and tons of other things.)
28. What did you want and not get?
more of Rabi. for Inflight to still exist. (but that passed.) for Jonathan Richman to play Worthstock. Dear Catastrophe Waitress.
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
I’ll agree with Spirited Away. also Hable con Ella and The Pianist, if that can count, and Do The Right Thing while we’re at it. and The Crowd. and 8 1/2. I didn’t see much in theatres, okay?
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was twenty-one, and in Switzerland. It wasn’t all that noteworthy. We wandered around Neuchâtel, including the really sweet collegial church attached the Château, and had a mediocre fine dinner.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
well, it’s hard to know exactly, isn’t it. there’s some things I could think of, but nothing too non-obvious.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
not much new clothing. so, a mild reshuffling of pre-existing wardrobe, with an occasional injection of Rebecca’s castoffs (and a few of David B’s.)
33. What kept you sane?
withdrawing into myself when necessary. my bed. weather. people. the internet? music, I suppose. you, know, all the stuff. I might have been less sane than usual this year.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
nobody in particular. maybe Drew Barrymore, not that I saw her in anything this year. I prefer to fancy people I know. oh wait, i know: Neko Case.
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
you know I’m not really into that, man. in 2003 I stopped trying to pretend to be interested in politics. maybe I’ll give it another shot next year or sometime. occasionally I got pretty pissed off about the war and about the riaa. (diebold was pretty outrageous too.)
36. Who did you miss?
rae, joel, rabi. edith. benj. peter schmidt.
37. Who was the best new person you met?
the best person? I liked meeting Yale, Larissa, James, Lekha, Jeannine, Patty, and Lucie. and getting to know better Kat, A-Bis, Ian, Audrey, Caitlin and Joe Kille. of these, I guess Caitlin is indisputably the best person.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003:
Well, I haven’t sorted it all out yet. in 2003 I came to question my beliefs about the value of talking about things. (both because talking about some things didn’t seem to help, while not talking about others didn’t seem to cause problems.) I definitely had a lot of transformative experiences, but I don’t know if the ways they changed me were "valuable" in themselves, or just because they are experience-grist. I think my ideas about relationships (of various kinds) changed a lot, and I’m not so sure they’re better now. Sexuality stuff was pretty confusing too. Maybe I’m not answering the right question.
also, it's dangerous to rely on lyrics to say the things you feel.
I’m not sure I agree entirely. To rely on them exclusively is of course a bad idea. but I think they can be pretty powerful for capturing a particular emotion or situation, especially when taken together with their music. In some ways, it’s more like using your experiences to help understand lyrics or imbue them with meaning (but not in an interpretive way.) at least when you hear as many lyrics as I do, there are some that come along every so often which just speak so clearly for a given moment. hence many of the quotes at the bottom of my blog entries, which can often be more telling than the entries themselves (or else they can be completely irrelevant to my life.)
lived in nyc, lived in the ville, read ulysses, saw the northern lights, got to the last five in assassins, owned a guitar, acted in a movie, rode the philly subway, got high from pot, ate crayfish with a famous rock star
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t remember whether I made any in particular. I have a few big resolutions for the next two weeks. and yes, some general ones for the year (see blog, perhaps.)
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
no, but one conceived(!)
4. Did anyone close to you die?
no, just my smelliott, which was bad enough.
5. What countries did you visit?
Switzerland (and a tiny bit into Germany, without realizing it at first)
6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
a plan, of one kind or another, for the future (say, the next year). I’m not holding my breath though.
7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
does it have to be the specific date itself? well, I guess this is cheating then, but I will certainly remember what happened on 14 February, and the day after, and one week after that (on the 22nd.) 4 August, too, but that’s also a holiday. All for the same kinds of reasons.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
hard to say. I can’t think of much that represented a particularly long period of time. I did some fun small art (my wind trio, my tap piece, my best mixtape covers.) I threw some good parties (good play was probably the best.) Worthstock was pretty great. I think I made a couple of folks’ lives happier, for a while anyway.
9. What was your biggest failure?
okay, here it comes. I don’t think I could have done it by myself, but I’ve never before wanted so much and tried so hard but failed so spectacularly to make a relationship work as I did with Rabi this year. (which isn’t to say that there wasn’t plenty of achievement mixed in there as well. really, I still can’t wrap my head around the whole ordeal.)
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
sure, but nothing significant. this last finals week stint was maybe the nadir, but maybe it just sticks out because it’s recent.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
hm. I guess Think Tank shouldn’t be it (though I did actually buy it, new even.) The drömme is nice. nothing too exciting. I don’t really buy very much besides music and like groceries. Oh, those "computer controlled light display" chasers I got for $6 for the Wrap Party are pretty awesome, maybe because I don’t understand how they work.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Well, Dave McCandlish demonstrated time and time again this year what a terrific fellow he is; a much-appreciated and resourceful and enthusiastic accomplice in a wide range of endeavors. and Rebecca, who really only this year became indisputably my closest friend. we’ve become such an effective team, and I don’t know what I’ll do when I stop living with her or at least having her readily on hand (as I’m sure I will eventually.) also Alyssa, who is still maybe the coolest person I know, and pulls off unemployment with serious savoir-faire. and, if I may add one more, Laura, who I’ve grown to admire quite a lot.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I guess I have to say certain parts of Rabi’s behavior made me most depressed most frequently. I don’t know about appalled. I was pretty upset by some of Joel’s actions, though much of that was more like confusion (same with Rabi. and i would toast at that party for her.) (But I still love y’all…)
14. Where did most of your money go?
rent, yes, and like expenses. music, of course. I got more free music this year than ever before, but it’s conceivable I also spent more on it, I’m not sure.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
new york city! and the weather. food (probably more than usual.) music (duh.) rabi. words. oh, I know what: the central park dance skaters. rock on.
16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
"Such Great Heights," for sure. (probably also my favorite song of the year, except maybe "Red" by Okkervil River, which isn’t from 2003.) "A Simple Formality" by Komeda. Sean Paul’s "Get Busy" was probably the most omnipresent pop song. "Fitted Shirt" and others will probably always make me think of playing it. For specific things [songs that acquired new, indelible associations, albeit all the same one]: "Ripples," most of Summer Sun, "Sweet Song," "Where the Angels Play Their Drum Machines," "Can Our Love…" by Tindersticks. more recently "Waiting for my ruca," perhaps. Microhouse, generally, but no songs in particular. also, the part in "the Brooklynites" where he says "hoyt schermerhooorn," cuz that was my stop.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? kind of similar. not as simply happy (it has been a long time since I’ve been so consistently deliriously happy as I was during, I guess, most of 2001 and 2002, and portions of this year. wonder if that will come back.) at this specific time last year I was doing a lot of the same things I am now - but I did have a tangly relationship that I was trying to sort out, and I don’t have that now. I think I’m somewhat less cosmically uneasy.
ii. thinner or fatter? oh, I don’t know. I’m always thin.
iii. richer or poorer? richer, I guess. not quite sure how to reckon this. I made more money this year than I did in 2002.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
making music. (not being in a band sucked.) being outdoors (doing outdoorsy things), reading, seeing movies (because I missed a lot, as it turns out.)
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Pining despondently, and also being existentially anxious about the future without even trying to do anything concrete about it. I definitely cried substantially more in 2003 than I have in a long time - not always in a bad way though.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
In scarsdale with the fam, as per usual. the caper ("Jew-pardy") was one of the better in these lackluster years. only one or two significant presents, but it/they were good. went to see Return of the King and really liked the parts I didn’t sleep through.
21. Did you fall in love in 2003?
yes, I did.
22. How many one-night stands?
none I think. maybe it depends on how you count. I really don’t like that phrase, even more now because it was part of one of the most paining things that was said to me this year.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
no tv, silly. "the family guy" that they showed on Parrish beach was kind of amusing. I really want to see the HBO "Angels in America."
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
no, I don’t hate anyone.
25. What was the best book you read?
maybe Bee Season? Rowling and Joyce were good too. and Return of the King. i guess i read the Corrections that year.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
well, even though most people haven’t heard of most of the music I listen to, I still don’t feel like very much of it is my own personal discovery - it’s mostly stuff I read about elsewhere. I am quite happy that I recognized the Sufjan Stephens album as bloodygood well before I heard about it from anyone else (I mean, because I really like the album, not because I’m proud of being original.) Same thing with the Decemberists (though that was in 2002, boieey, when they were still on hush.) In terms of stuff I really just discovered on my own, the ones that come to mind are Hang or Die and the Lovebugs (whom I found at a punky record shop in neuchâtel) and Holden (whom I found among the piles of stuff at Luaka.)
27. What did you want and get?
well, Rabi. (and my internship and apartments and tons of other things.)
28. What did you want and not get?
more of Rabi. for Inflight to still exist. (but that passed.) for Jonathan Richman to play Worthstock. Dear Catastrophe Waitress.
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
I’ll agree with Spirited Away. also Hable con Ella and The Pianist, if that can count, and Do The Right Thing while we’re at it. and The Crowd. and 8 1/2. I didn’t see much in theatres, okay?
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was twenty-one, and in Switzerland. It wasn’t all that noteworthy. We wandered around Neuchâtel, including the really sweet collegial church attached the Château, and had a mediocre fine dinner.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
well, it’s hard to know exactly, isn’t it. there’s some things I could think of, but nothing too non-obvious.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
not much new clothing. so, a mild reshuffling of pre-existing wardrobe, with an occasional injection of Rebecca’s castoffs (and a few of David B’s.)
33. What kept you sane?
withdrawing into myself when necessary. my bed. weather. people. the internet? music, I suppose. you, know, all the stuff. I might have been less sane than usual this year.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
nobody in particular. maybe Drew Barrymore, not that I saw her in anything this year. I prefer to fancy people I know. oh wait, i know: Neko Case.
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
you know I’m not really into that, man. in 2003 I stopped trying to pretend to be interested in politics. maybe I’ll give it another shot next year or sometime. occasionally I got pretty pissed off about the war and about the riaa. (diebold was pretty outrageous too.)
36. Who did you miss?
rae, joel, rabi. edith. benj. peter schmidt.
37. Who was the best new person you met?
the best person? I liked meeting Yale, Larissa, James, Lekha, Jeannine, Patty, and Lucie. and getting to know better Kat, A-Bis, Ian, Audrey, Caitlin and Joe Kille. of these, I guess Caitlin is indisputably the best person.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003:
Well, I haven’t sorted it all out yet. in 2003 I came to question my beliefs about the value of talking about things. (both because talking about some things didn’t seem to help, while not talking about others didn’t seem to cause problems.) I definitely had a lot of transformative experiences, but I don’t know if the ways they changed me were "valuable" in themselves, or just because they are experience-grist. I think my ideas about relationships (of various kinds) changed a lot, and I’m not so sure they’re better now. Sexuality stuff was pretty confusing too. Maybe I’m not answering the right question.
also, it's dangerous to rely on lyrics to say the things you feel.
I’m not sure I agree entirely. To rely on them exclusively is of course a bad idea. but I think they can be pretty powerful for capturing a particular emotion or situation, especially when taken together with their music. In some ways, it’s more like using your experiences to help understand lyrics or imbue them with meaning (but not in an interpretive way.) at least when you hear as many lyrics as I do, there are some that come along every so often which just speak so clearly for a given moment. hence many of the quotes at the bottom of my blog entries, which can often be more telling than the entries themselves (or else they can be completely irrelevant to my life.)