GOD, ME, MYSELF, AND I (4/2015ish)
The intimacy of God, His Kingdom, and the woman He made me IS irreplaceable and it does NOT fit in any...other...woman. It belongs with me and Him, as the woman he made me. THAT INCLUDES MY SEXUALITY WHETHER I AM USING IT OR NOT. You can tell yourselves it's for you to play with, but there is a reason it was in me, and not someone else, in the first place. IT ISN'T MY FAULT YOU'RE INCAPABLE OF MAKING IT THAT GOOD. If you've invaded my privacy, in the innocence of my Child of God aspect, and had the nerve to be offended by what you found there...then you have skipped passed asking me how God processes this world for me, and the strength involved in that - you have sold what it could have done for you, for the self-righteous decision to be offended. If you live in a place where self-righteousness is considered strong...then you were NOT LIKELY OFFENDED by the woman...that I am. If you've taken b/c you could not resist, then you have watered down yourself, and what God made you. You have done that with "me" and without my consent, and you can live with the fact that "I" made you stronger, not God and not yourself. That was me, and if you are worthy of the self-righteousness involved in that place of mockery...then the fact that it was me, that made you stronger, should be an issue for you. If you have left me to deal with the violence of a century and a half of my redemption alone, while everyone else watched a movie, do NOT be angry when violence, daggers, and bullets are what you get when I catch up to you. KNOW there is far more to my redemption than what you see. PRAY that GOD has returned me to my beauty, strength, and expressions before then, as it is likely you blocked the transitions that would have allowed you to be a part of that. It is likely there are reasons for that, which are not enjoyable, for anyone. Know that one of my favorite scriptures is that "I knit you together in your mother's womb. I knew you before you were born." It is a beautiful, primal thing in my faith, to me. It is BEFORE the molding, and sometimes that primal rawness is where we need to be to realign with a righteous execution of the purpose before us. KNOW that I love my God AND those warriors that He utilized to show me the purity of what that sacred place is, and that while we can not "always" go to the same places, those warriors are not taken for granted. Please do not just give it away to people who don't even understand the need for it, or what it heals. If they did not go there naturally, AND THEY DIDN'T, it is just a toy to them b/c they just HAD TO KNOW WHAT I KNOW or HAVE WHAT I HAVE. It is difficult to acknowledge that in someone who didn't REALLY...need to know it. I hate that I needed it. I love that I was shown. Understand that there are things that I want to be a part of doing, because they touch my heart, but that place will always be sacred, and I long to be in it, often. To long for a forge I am not sure I'll will get to, is truly a heartache, but if the path remains consistent, I will.