(no subject)
After the end of another failed "relationship", I cannot help but wonder why...
I feel as if I'm never good enough- I may not be the most attractive girl, but should that mean everything? I have the worst self-esteem because I've become conditioned to think that I'm not good enough for anyone. My entire adolescence I've felt as if I'm extremely unattractive to the opposite sex. Period. No girl should have to feel this way, but I DO.
But you know, I really really do.
Deep down inside I wish so badly that a few particular guys would maybe notice me like I notice them, but they probably never will. There's an abundance of gorgeous girls with hollow skulls for them to salivate over. Mean while I have to endure their constant rambling about "how hot" some bitch is- I know, welcome to being friends with teenage boys. I should know better by now than to expect them NOT to talk about hot girls in front of me, a girl, who happens to have feelings. Maybe even who has feelings for YOU.
Then there's the "off limits" guy(s) who I know I can't like, or shouldn't like, because it would make things more complicated than they already are... plus, I know they'd never feel the same way about me.
Or WOULD they?! I guess my entire point of view is so skewed that I will never be able to put myself out there.
When I look in the mirror I will continue to be daunted by imperfections and let my flaws win.
I will continue to be the girl who feels she deserves nothing because there are other better looking girls out there all the fucking time.
When I see myself I will see a person who isn't ever going to be in the same league as the guys to whom I assign this insurmountable, godlike status.
The sad fact is that you have to be this great looking girl to get any goddamn attention from the four or five guys that go to SAA that aren't gay. Add that to the limited selection of men in Savannah in general and you have an equation for the perpetuation of a very sad cycle. I know we're young, yadda yadda yadda, but it still blows.
I am destined to live alone with a lot of cats.
I feel as if I'm never good enough- I may not be the most attractive girl, but should that mean everything? I have the worst self-esteem because I've become conditioned to think that I'm not good enough for anyone. My entire adolescence I've felt as if I'm extremely unattractive to the opposite sex. Period. No girl should have to feel this way, but I DO.
But you know, I really really do.
Deep down inside I wish so badly that a few particular guys would maybe notice me like I notice them, but they probably never will. There's an abundance of gorgeous girls with hollow skulls for them to salivate over. Mean while I have to endure their constant rambling about "how hot" some bitch is- I know, welcome to being friends with teenage boys. I should know better by now than to expect them NOT to talk about hot girls in front of me, a girl, who happens to have feelings. Maybe even who has feelings for YOU.
Then there's the "off limits" guy(s) who I know I can't like, or shouldn't like, because it would make things more complicated than they already are... plus, I know they'd never feel the same way about me.
Or WOULD they?! I guess my entire point of view is so skewed that I will never be able to put myself out there.
When I look in the mirror I will continue to be daunted by imperfections and let my flaws win.
I will continue to be the girl who feels she deserves nothing because there are other better looking girls out there all the fucking time.
When I see myself I will see a person who isn't ever going to be in the same league as the guys to whom I assign this insurmountable, godlike status.
The sad fact is that you have to be this great looking girl to get any goddamn attention from the four or five guys that go to SAA that aren't gay. Add that to the limited selection of men in Savannah in general and you have an equation for the perpetuation of a very sad cycle. I know we're young, yadda yadda yadda, but it still blows.
I am destined to live alone with a lot of cats.