one little word 2013 : [en]joy
My “one little word” for 2013 is “enjoy“. The reason the “en” is in brackets is because I want the emphasis to be on JOY. Finding joy in moments, in actions, in awareness. Plus, “enjoy” has always seemed like a sort of “throwaway” kinda word. It’s on the bottom of receipts and menus and things. It seems to have lost its impact along the way.
The whole concept of “joy” is super tricky for me. The truth is, I’m not entirely sure I believe in “joy”. I have had joyful moments, and experienced joy, but if anything it seems abstract, fleeting, and challenging for me. But “enjoy”… I get. It feels like something I can try and *do* as opposed to hoping to receive/feel. There are a lot of things I enjoy doing. I just find myself so scattered and anxious sometimes that I forget to enjoy myself along the way. I focus too much on the outcome and not the process.
Last year I wanted to make progress. I wanted to grow and expand and also strengthen my “roots”, right here, right now.
This year I want to take the time to really be in each moment, and also explore the idea of joy, of happiness, in all areas of life. I’m not saying this lightly- I suffer from pretty reasonable depression and anxiety, and I don’t believe that happiness is as easy as just *choosing* to feel good. It’s hard work. And not all things that will make our lives joyful, overall, are fun to do.
I want to refine things, focus on what really does fulfill me and make doing more of that a priority. I want to be present for all the happiness life offers. I have been so focused on being “good”, being “productive”, on the end product of what I do, that I lost the joy found in doing things along the way.
In 2013 I want to find the joy in things I do. And relish that joy, even if it’s just for a moment here and there.