on gentleness
There are a million and a half things that spark my interest when I first meet someone. Is she funny? Does he approach the world with joy? Does this family actually like one another? Etc. But really, the number one attention-grabber-- the thing that really makes my blood sear through my veins and rise to the surface of my cheeks-- is this person gentle?
I'm not sure when this began. And I'm not sure why this is so automatically attention-grabbing for me. And I'm not even sure if I know how to tell if someone is "gentle." It's just, I think, a vibrational frequency that we sense and that I instantaneously love. I just wrote that I'm not sure why this is so automatically attention-grabbing for me, but honestly, I kind of do know. And it's really just that I've always wanted to be softer than what I am. I've always wanted to come at the world in a more compassionate, kindhearted, quieter manner. Gentleness, for me, is a way of living and being that I've always ached to cultivate in myself, but one that does not come naturally, and one that I have to work at. And so, the effects of meeting someone for whom gentleness is second nature are immediate and precise and intense. It's almost as if I love them straightaway, no matter who they are, and I want to give them presents and run them a bath and read them Mary Oliver poems and tuck them in to sleep. It sets me at ease.
Krishnamurti wrote, "Do you understand what simple love is? Not the complexity of sexual love or the love of God, but just love, being tender, really gentle in one's whole approach to all things." And that's what this is about. It's not like I fall in love with every gentle person who crosses my path. It's just that I feel a warmth for them. A prompt friendship, a kinship, maybe. And a desire to emulate their ways, which feel like peace, almost.
I feel like I'm erratic a lot. I laugh too loudly. I yell sometimes when talking would suffice. I tell jokes that cross the line. I flirt when I shouldn't, and I interrupt, and I act like a know-it-all.
I'm such an unfinished soul, and I have so much to learn.
Gentle people know things, and when I take the time to calm myself and to make them comfortable, they tell me those things. It's good.
Back to the idea that I want to run them baths and whatnot... Maybe it's just that gentle people allow me to fuss over them. I think I like that role. I think I like feeling like an emotional provider. I wonder if I like that for healthy reasons or unhealthy ones. Like, do I like to be an emotional giver because I genuinely feel good doing it, or do I like to be an emotional giver because I know other people will keep me around that way? Hm. Ok, enough of that line of thought.
Moving on.
Basically, what I'm thinking is that gentle people allow a lot. In fact, that's their "way." They are "allowers." They allow the universe to provide them with serendipitous things, lucky breaks, chance encounters. They allow other people to be good to them, and they allow their paths to be delivered to their feet. Their ways are different from the rest of us who chase each other down, dog the paths we feel we're supposed to follow, and race towards the destiny we tell ourselves we are supposed to own. Gentle people are patient in ways the rest of us just are not.
And I know people who are annoyed with this lifestyle, or this way of living. This sort of chilled-out, almost "backseat" mentality. But I have real reverence for it. I think I just need to chill the fuck out a bit.
This entry is beginning to go in circles and get a little convoluted, but you catch my drift. I'm feeling good about gentle people, want to get there myself someday. You can dig it.
I'm not sure when this began. And I'm not sure why this is so automatically attention-grabbing for me. And I'm not even sure if I know how to tell if someone is "gentle." It's just, I think, a vibrational frequency that we sense and that I instantaneously love. I just wrote that I'm not sure why this is so automatically attention-grabbing for me, but honestly, I kind of do know. And it's really just that I've always wanted to be softer than what I am. I've always wanted to come at the world in a more compassionate, kindhearted, quieter manner. Gentleness, for me, is a way of living and being that I've always ached to cultivate in myself, but one that does not come naturally, and one that I have to work at. And so, the effects of meeting someone for whom gentleness is second nature are immediate and precise and intense. It's almost as if I love them straightaway, no matter who they are, and I want to give them presents and run them a bath and read them Mary Oliver poems and tuck them in to sleep. It sets me at ease.
Krishnamurti wrote, "Do you understand what simple love is? Not the complexity of sexual love or the love of God, but just love, being tender, really gentle in one's whole approach to all things." And that's what this is about. It's not like I fall in love with every gentle person who crosses my path. It's just that I feel a warmth for them. A prompt friendship, a kinship, maybe. And a desire to emulate their ways, which feel like peace, almost.
I feel like I'm erratic a lot. I laugh too loudly. I yell sometimes when talking would suffice. I tell jokes that cross the line. I flirt when I shouldn't, and I interrupt, and I act like a know-it-all.
I'm such an unfinished soul, and I have so much to learn.
Gentle people know things, and when I take the time to calm myself and to make them comfortable, they tell me those things. It's good.
Back to the idea that I want to run them baths and whatnot... Maybe it's just that gentle people allow me to fuss over them. I think I like that role. I think I like feeling like an emotional provider. I wonder if I like that for healthy reasons or unhealthy ones. Like, do I like to be an emotional giver because I genuinely feel good doing it, or do I like to be an emotional giver because I know other people will keep me around that way? Hm. Ok, enough of that line of thought.
Moving on.
Basically, what I'm thinking is that gentle people allow a lot. In fact, that's their "way." They are "allowers." They allow the universe to provide them with serendipitous things, lucky breaks, chance encounters. They allow other people to be good to them, and they allow their paths to be delivered to their feet. Their ways are different from the rest of us who chase each other down, dog the paths we feel we're supposed to follow, and race towards the destiny we tell ourselves we are supposed to own. Gentle people are patient in ways the rest of us just are not.
And I know people who are annoyed with this lifestyle, or this way of living. This sort of chilled-out, almost "backseat" mentality. But I have real reverence for it. I think I just need to chill the fuck out a bit.
This entry is beginning to go in circles and get a little convoluted, but you catch my drift. I'm feeling good about gentle people, want to get there myself someday. You can dig it.