you can kung my fu any day
Ahhh, I remember it like it was just yesterday: my mom and I were playing our very favorite game in the entire world, aka WB Scene It. Now, if you've played this one, you know it's not exactly the most quality of Scene It games. Its question pool is pitifully small, you can go through almost the entire DVD in about 2 hours, and the questions are so painfully basic that if you've so much as heard of the shows in question and know the names of the people in the main cast, then you have at least a 75% chance of getting it right. It's basically an exercise in how many simplistic trivia questions about Dallas you can cram into your brain.
Every so often, though, between the Night Court clips and the mind-blowingly difficult pictograms that give you a growling dog and an egg and expect you to get "C.J. Cregg" out of it, there are these straggler questions. They pop out of goddamn nowhere and utterly ruin my your Murphy Brown-based winning streak with their mystery theme songs and their who-the-fuck-has-ever-heard-of-this answers. It's a reminder that this easy as pie game is still incredibly capable of fucking with you, and it's how I ultimately learned of the existence of Kung Fu: The Legend Continues. "Gee, Mom," I said. "You're telling me there was an actual show about a Shaolin monk who wasn't even from China because he was David Carradine and he went around martial artsing everybody and people liked it enough to give it a sequel?" Of course, the answer was yes. Hell, I'm not judging; I'm the kid who willingly watched more than one clip from Street Hawk. If anything, it sounded like a rousing good time and I put it on my mental list of Odd Syndicated Programs I Would Watch If Nothing Else Was On.
And what do you know. Here we are, about to power through an entire episode of that very show thanks to the presence of one NOTABLE GUEST STAR (thanks, Wikipedia!) Honestly, though, with a show that apparently has an episode titled "A Shaolin Christmas", what could possibly go wrong?
Many thanks to insanitywritten for providing this wonder in full on YouTube, and to at least 14 people on Tumblr who are very very excited about this post. I can only hope you're all adequately prepared with the proper amount of alcohol and also narcotics.
One of the first things insanitywritten said to me concerning this episode was that it was all about hockey and... it does in fact appear to be all about hockey so far. Oh, Canada.
Amanda's already here, which means I've stopped paying attention to anything remotely important. Her moe little face, look at it, etc. Seriously omg, she is so tinyyy, I just want to gather her up and all that jazz. And pinch her adorable little cheeks.
ALSO, she is wearing almost the exact same coat my hero for life Murphy Brown wore to FYI's 1994 Lillehammer Olympics Extravaganza. I'm... really not making this up; look at it! This is a working hockey game, not a vacation.
Apparently these guys really suck at hockey.
ARGHLBARGHL YELLING
"Hey, Constantine! You do that in a regular season game and it's five minute major!"
...Constantine?
So, let's see. A-Tapps is Annie and that other guy is Bob, and I think if we just took Constantine over there and added one Alf-like puppet to the mix, we'd have an amazing sitcom. Annie & Bob, coming this spring to The WB. ohhhh, burn. It can even be the lead-in to Unhappily Ever After. ohhhhhh, double-burn.
Anyway, Annie's afraid she's going to be homeless because their team sucks so bad. Well, Annie, I hate to break it to you, but WE'RE ALL HOMELESS NOW. (thank you, homeless person! thank you!)
Annie laments the awful status of this awful team that is apparently her dead father's legacy. Dude, her dad left her a shitty hockey team? Annie's Dead Dad, didn't you ever hear of savings bonds?
Having had enough of this shit, she departs, grumbling that she needs a scotch, straight up. Well, Annie, we all want some things we can't have. For example, I'd like a sledgehammer to the head every time I talk myself into doing another one of these spams, but alas. That harrowing blow never comes.
I have no earthly idea who these people are. I can only assume they're going to end up being important. I don't know, though, they could just be here to yell. I won't hold it against them.
OH, stick to the face! Or in the stomach! Or something! I can't tell!
Uh oh. Somebody's not gettin' out of the penalty box.
ohhhh shoot. Shit is real now.
OH, oh shit! lolomg I paused it and then I hit play and then she said, "Oh my God, not again." D R A M A !
Oh, so, I guess the screaming people were his parents? Or I think she just said, "HE'S MY BROTHERRRR," but it really sounded like she said, "He's my problem". Well, something tells me he's not your problem anymore! Ohhhh man, that was low even for me. Damn.
Well, whatever. Cue theme song! This opening is hilarious, by the way, and I love it.
MONKS! And one of them is David Carradine!
TIGERS!
DRAGONS!
INHALING POSSIBLE HALLUCINOGENS!
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON!
Aw, man. That guy just crashed through that window. I don't know, guys. This might too intense for me.
"I am Caine. I will help you."
It is so cruel that we are living in a world without this man.
Notable guest star, there she is! Aaaand also prostitutes. Okay.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold the fucking phone. There's a guy in this episode whose name is Boss? I... can't even fathom the amount of pussy that guy must get. I just can't.
Okay, well, I guess... I guess that guy's name is actually Ross, but. I WANT TO BELIEVE.
I guess this guy's sort of important since he was in the main credits and stuff. And his name is Pete. thiswillendwell.jpg
As if this guy strolling out with his shades on and his gray hair streak working ten kinds of magic wasn't enough, he shouts, "Keep this down to a dull roar! I'm studying Mayan culture AND I'M GETTING A HEADACHE!"
I think it's possible I underestimated just how good this is going to be. dhskfsldhf.
Two guys non-sequetorially roll in and start man-handling the prostitutes. One of them actually fights back pretty well and punches one of the guys in the stomach. You go, fierce prostitute. Four for you, fierce prostitute.
AND THEN. And then:
AND THEN SHADES BRO JUST CASUALLY SLIDES OVER A COUNTER LIKE A BLUES BROTHER. YEAH, SHIT, I DON'T KNOW, BUT THIS IS AWESOME.
Shades Bro heroically declares, "Well, that's one less pimp on the street!" and then that prostitute is so taken by his macho nature that she touches his face. Fuck, is this show for real?
Pete is just as mystified by this turn of events as I am. And then he, like, ambles around apologizing for not busting his ass over a counter, too.
Okay, this is the worst police station ever. Pimps can just waltz in and beat up ladies, and we got suspicious characters running around all over the place. Security? Hello? You guys are a police station?
Well, I don't know what happened to Annie & Bob and hockey, because I guess this episode is about hookers now and getting them off the streets.
What! Mystery men tearing through the darkness! Maybe they want a refund on their Red Wings tickets.
And then there's a fight. You know, at this point, whatever. There's clearly some sort of overarching story arc happening here (or at least half of one) and I'll just go ahead and surrender early to the fact that I'm going to have no idea what half the crap in this episode is supposed to mean.
Although I have this funny feeling I would have that problem even without the story arc.
The fight goes on... for a while, but Caine pops in and kicks some serious tail without breaking a sweat. He also saves Pete's ass, who proceeds to be the most ungrateful little bastard on Earth. Yeah, you just got saved by Bill, SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT.
Caine says something mystical about masters and enemies and Pete shouts, in a bout of self-pitying rage, "I DON'T WANT TO KNOW MY ENEMIES! I WANT TO KNOW MYSELF!"
Pete just feels so inadequate. He couldn't even help a hooker. And then Caine says, "I will leave you alone." WHAT NO. NOOO CAINE COME BACK. CAAAAAAAAAAINE.
Wait, what? Now we're in a bar? With more hookers? Where is Amanda I came here for Amanda where did Amanda goooooooooooo. At the very least, I want to know what's going on with the awful hockey team and its curse of the dead.
Oh, maybe that lady isn't a hooker. She starts talking about her brother, Gary, aka the dead hockey player, so wait, is this that woman from before? lol I'm so confused. Maybe he has more than one sister.
Sister says Gary got "trashed on the ice three days ago," and PETE over here, FUCKING PETE, says, "Kelly, that's part of the game." WHAT. OH MY GOD. BE MORE OF AN UNSYMPATHETIC DOUCHEBAG, I DARE YOU.
Also just kidding, hockey player isn't dead, he's in the ICU. Cool.
Then there's some relationship drama I don't care about, more things I don't care about, I think Caine's going on a metaphysical spirit trip, and then Pete admits he needs his pops. awwww.
But Caine basically cockblocks him and is all, "cya." lol. That's what you get for dissing David Carradine.
YEAHHHH, ANNIEEEE. WELCOME BACK, GURL. There's some pretty dramatic eye roll action happening here, so I'm guessing this guy who just sat down in her personal space is bad news.
I drew a curly handlebar mustache on him just because.
"Your father was a very close friend of mine," he says all sinister-like. "I'm just trying to look after his little girl."
Yeah, whatever, man. Annie doesn't need your shit. Sheeeee is also flawless and has just about the prettiest face, so.
Eye Roll #2. Handlebar Mustache Personal Space Invader Man tries to make her an offer she can't refuse,
except then she does, WITH SASS. He offers her an assload of money for the team or something, and says the offer isn't "gonna stay on the table for long."
And SHE says, "Especially not if I kick it onto the floor where you'll be sure to find it!" HELLLLLLLLLL YES.
I made it purple this time. Artistic license.
"No one's gonna be skating for this team, you hear me? No one."
"We'll see!" ahaha this is so great, these truckloads of pre-Sam sass. I could get used to this.
AND THAT IS ONE HELL OF A BITCHFACE. I can feel the lasers coming out of her eyes.
Here was the point where insanitywritten reuploaded for higher quality, so now the dimensions are a lottttt different. I think this is gonna be okay, though; the width is the same. Now they're just a lot taller, so. Enjoy!
AND LOOK WHO IT IS, IT'S MY FAVORITE DUDE: SHADES BRO. DRINK THAT COFFEE, SHADES BRO. UNNNNFFFF GET IT.
Oh, and I guess Pete got an undercover spot on the hockey team. Well, let me just drop absolutely everything so I can run to get you a motherfucking gold medal there, Wayne Gretzky.
Some ancient Chinese guy shows up and berates Pete for being a totally unpleasant asshole, and also for hurting Caine's feelings.
"I didn't meant to hurt his feelings."
^ actual dialogue.
Ancient Chinese Guy throws some Shaolin gobbledygook at Pete, but I guess Pete's cool with it when it's not coming from his dad because he says, "I never thought I'd use this phrase... play Shaolin hockey?"
ANCIENT CHINESE SECRET, HUH?
I resisted that one for as long as I could. I really did.
Dude. Dude. I think Shades Bro's name is Kermit. Oh. my. god. I- I can't, I just can't even deal. I'm dying and I can't even deal.
Pete outlines some wacko plan to I think impersonate a French-Canadian hockey player, and then he demonstrates his French-Canadian accent which is basically just him saying, "EET EEZ, HOW YOU SAAAAY, HOKAY." ho-kay. Good luck on your bake sale.
KERMIT is all, "Yeah, what are you gonna do to get into the bigger leagues?"
"I got a secret weapon," Pete says.
Aaaaand cut back to the hockey arena where Ancient Chinese Guy is sailing along the ice on the wings of flippy classical Chinese music. This plan is obviously foolproof; I don't see how anything could possibly go awry.
Yeah, you know what? I don't think they use that move in hockey.
gpoyyyyyyyyy
Then I think an actual hockey player comes in to show Pete some moves, but I just don't even know. You know those parts of SG-1 where Vala and/or Teal'c don't understand Earth humor? That, I think, is an accurate representation of how I feel during this episode. I think there are things that are supposed to be important, I think there are things that are supposed to be funny, but shoot, it's all Goa'uld to me.
Pete and Probably Actual Hockey Player run around the ice for a while, and then, oh god. Then there's this gut-bustingly hilarious slow-mo montage of Pete trying to ~slow the puck down with his Shaolin training~. I just... I started laughing out loud, I really really did.
Guess who's lurking in the shadows, evidently dressed for a trip to Amish country?
"You can do it, my son."
^ ACTUAL DIALOGUE
Then there's this kind of legitimately funny scene with Pete asking his lady cop friend or whatever who looks like a poor man's Edie Falco to go undercover with him.
"Let me make sure I'm tracking this: You want me to do something to help your old ex-girlfriend Kelly, your new girlfriend Jordan happens to be out of town, and then you want me to join you undercover in this life-threatening situation AND pretend to be in love with you?!"
"...That pretty much sums it up."
"Sure."
lmao.
SWEATERRRRRR. Oh, boy, what was that made out of? Cotton candy and magic fibers from the rainbow land of sugar lumps? I feel like some Care Bears were harmed in the making of that thing
Oh my GOD, does he wear those shades all the time? Seriously, who is Kermit and why is he so incredible?
I guess he's trying to convince Annie to let Pete onto her team, but he's doing this as his "manager".
And she's not buyin' it, 'cause sheee's a smart one, that Annie. must've inherited a gene from somewhere or something. ~can't imagine where~.
fuck yeah, look at me, I'm Kermit, and I ain't no frog. BUT I CAN MAKE YOU RIBBIT, BABY.
BITCH, PLEASE. Both Annie and her sweater spirit animal do not have time for this bull. Honestly, Kermit. You think Grumpy Bear put his blood, sweat, and fur into that sweater for shits and giggles? I don't think so, son.
I don't think it's possible that I'll ever get over the sheer amount of cranky-ass faces happening right now. PLEASE MAKE THEM FOREVER ANNIE THEY ARE THE BEST.
oh. OH. LOOK WHO IT IS. Sinister Mustache Man! I couldn't draw one this time because the other half of it couldn't just go over the phone; that would defy basic physics. Maybe next time. I'm sure he'll be back, after all, because he's plotting something suspiciously suspicious. Like, I don't know, a hit on Pete. ooooh, what a tragedy that would be; allow me to valiantly sprint to the kitchen for a box of Kleenex.
Um. Wow, Pete. Wow. Nice digs there. I thought you were supposed to be impersonating a famous hockey player, not a Fonz/Steve Urkel hybrid.
So they go to this cocktail party shindig and for reasons I cannot even begin to pin down, Pete's supposed to act like even more of a total awkward jackass than usual. He knocks glasses over into people, stumbles backwards into waitresses, and asks where the poutine is. I- God, what?
heeeeeen, cocktail parties are soooooo funnnnn!
ohhhh, but this guy showing up is not. Annie wastes no time shooting more eye lasers at him...
...which I have helpfully illustrated for you in this picture. Note the menacing sound effects and the dotted line of unmitigated vengeance.
Then there's some drunken awkward falling because I need even more reasons to punch Pete in the face.
yyyyyeah. Having fun yet?
Under the heading of, "I am not making this up," everything - all plot, all sense of time, all general episode cohesion - suddenly stops dead to give fake Edie Falco time to sing a musical number. She looks just about as thrilled at this turn of events as I am.
As you might expect, it goes on for a while.
Well, at least Annie's happy, and I tell you what, I would move the stars to make Annie happy. And I bet if you're reading this right now, you would, too.
Still going, by the way. And you know what? They laud her as some sort of godsend to the musical world and it's not even that good. It's the kind of singing that is not good enough to be Bird York but still reminds me of her, so it's like if Bird York rolled out of bed one day without coffee and then decided, "Eh, my heart's just not in it right now. Time to record some crap."
stopppppppp. you're done. we're done. aaaggghhh.
All right, it's done. But then what's-her-face (have they even said her name at any point during this?) tries to shack up with Pete to ride that charade all the way to the end, but he's all, "lolno."
And then, the question for the ages:
"I wonder if this happens to Madonna."
don't
just don't
ask any more questions
I'm talking to myself, I'm- just- stop. stop. you'll only hurt yourself.
wheeee more hockeyyyy. Annie asks Kelly how Gary's doing and she's like, "pff, shit's shit, what else is new."
Then she introduces Annie to ~The Ancient~. That's... that's seriously what they call the ancient Chinese dude. I was just calling him ancient for laughs.
"Because I'm so old!"
This is my face right now, but the difference is that she's smiling because she thinks it's funny, whereas I'm smiling because my IQ points are spilling out of my ears.
Pete gets the shit kicked out of him on the ice because the team is like Mean Girls personified. They're pretty much the cliquiest clique to have ever cliqued and now they have it out for Pete.
They have it out for him so much that they decide to kick the shit out of him in the locker room, too. arrrrr I are frakenstein! No, just kidding, this is Pete about to get his intestines rearranged.
Amazingly, though, amazingly, Pete really gives these guys what for. I guess he ~remembered his Shaolin training~. God, that won't ever stop sounding like the punchline to an awful joke.
Oh, hey, then Annie shows up, and Pete looks like he's ready to go to a hoedown.
Annie, already proven to not be one to mince words, cuts right to the chase and asks, "I'd like to talk to you; can I buy you dinner tonight? Just you?"
>just you
>just you
>just you
WHAT.
IS THIS GOING WHERE I THINK IT'S GOING
THIS BETTER NOT BE GOING WHERE I THINK IT'S GOING I WILL BE SO FLIPPIN' MAD
christ. Well, here we are at dinner, and the first words out of Annie's mouth are, "You don't seem very surprised to find a woman owning a team like the Carlsberg Sonics."
oh, cheese. and. rice. No, I can't make that joke. I won't make that joke. I won't say anything like, "Just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside doesn't mean I can't own this hockey team." I would never make a joke like that. That would be too easy.
Remember how Annie's dead dad left her the hockey team instead of anything remotely practical? Well, listen up, 'cause she's about to tell the story of how he died. I'm sure it's gonna be a real tear-jerker.
"He was killed two years ago in Paris crossing the street.
He looked the wrong way."
...
...
...
PFFFFFFHAHAHAHAHAHA
OH GOD I CAN'T, I CAN'T. MY STOMACH HURTS.
"Eye yam sorrie."
Yeah, you look it.
They talk about Sinister Mustache Man for a while and how he wants control of the team, and then they talk about how the team in jinxed. "No playah want to come." lmfao wow.
"Except you." lololol well, let's not ever discuss Pete and coming because these are two things that do not belong in the same sentence ever.
"I know that you're someone special," Annie says. "I don't just mean as a player. I mean as a person."
OH, GOD. ARE YOU- IS THIS- G O D.
you smarmy. fucking. buttmunch. THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR HOW MUCH I LOATHE YOU.
Annie then says she's "frightened" that someone on this team "is a killer". dun dun dunnnnnnn. Honestly? I don't think it's that much of a stretch seeing as how pretty much everyone on this team doesn't play well with others, to say the least. It's not like you'd need Sherlock Holmes to figure this one out.
Meanwhile at the arena, Kermit and what's-her-name are snooping around looking for evidence of sabotage. And the evidence comes, I believe, in the form of...
"The Sonics' diary. That should prove interesting."
A diary? A diary? Jesus titty-fucking Christ, what did these writers do? Get stoned at 3 AM and then make an episode out of all the pretty colors they saw? A DIARY? COME ON. YOU GUYS ARE NOT EVEN TRYING.
Annie and Pete arrive back at the arena, and she thanks him for dinner and giggles and makes this utterly bizarre remark about "crying on a stranger's shoulder, kind of a new twist to my social behavior." To your social behavior? Were these writers on drugs? Were they. on actual. drugs.
And then Pete kisses Annie's hand, again, as he vows to sniff out the Sonics' killer. eesh. Stop that you fiend you are not even close to worthy.
Thennnnn, Annie calls Pete by his fake famous hockey player name, Bertrand something-or-other which I have NO hope of being able to spell correctly so I'm not even going to try, and he says, "Yes?"
"Broke his leg three days ago in Stockholm."
OHHHHH
SNAP
LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY JUST GOT FOUND THE HECK OUT. OH MAN, ANNIEEEE. YOU HERO, YOU LITTLE HERO. YOU ARE 100% SMARTER THAN YOUR AWFUL DIALOGUE MAKES YOU LOOK, SHOOT. I, for one, just feel like I got played like a violin, and I'm a-okay with that.
"Your accent could use a little work."
FUCK YEAH ANNIEEEEEEE.
heeeerpderpderpderpderpderpderp. And yet, Annie still has faith in this king of all derps, because ~ancient Shaolin magic~ and ai yai yai.
I'm sure no one will hold it against me if I just take a moment to appreciate Annie's darling face.
SUDDENLY BAD MEN IN BRIGHTLY-COLORED HOCKEY MASKS. I promise you that even in context, there is almost no proper segue into this.
BUT BITCHES DON'T KNOW 'BOUT WHAT'S-HER-NAME
Unfortunately, she can't hit the broad side of a barn. That guy was right in front of you! Where the blinding bloody hell were you even aiming?
Annie moseys down a hall, laaaaaaaadeedahdeedah~♪
and she's totally oblivious TO THAT MOTHERFUCKER RIGHT BEHIND HER HOLY SHIT
nnnnooooooooo annieeeee
And one of them comes for what's-her-name, too. Great. Is it the same dude? I think it would be hilarious if it was the exact same dude. He must have some Shaolin magic of his own.
"herper hotline, how can I derp you today"
"IF YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR NEW BOSS ALIVE AGAIN, COME TO THE RINK IN ONE HOUR.
SUIT UP,
AND SKATE ONTO THE ICE.
WE'LL BE WAITING."
As usual, I have no words.
The way you know shit is serious is because Pete rips off his nerd glasses in grand Clark Kent style and looks ultra pensive.
Eep! This situation looks fairly threatening. Is that a knife in Sinister Mustache Man's hands? Oh, no, it's just a pen. Why? Because Sinister Mustache Man wants this team real bad.
I know the writers obviously haven't stopped to consider any logic of any sort, but I'm going to for a minute.
a.) Why on Earth does Sinister Mustache Man want this fucking shitty hockey team?
b.) Why does anyone?
c.) He can't be serious when he says a Japanese conglomerate is willing to pay five times its worth. In order to do what? Purchase a bunch of kindergartners trapped in 30-year-olds' bodies?
d.) Why doesn't Annie just sell the thing herself and retire to the Bahamas? Your dad couldn't even pay basic attention at a crosswalk! What the hell do you owe him?
Oh, Sinister Mustache Man, how festive! You got yourself some very nice ornaments there.
He makes some threats that aren't even very threatening, but are any of us even near the point of caring anymore? No? Didn't think so.
I'm tellin' ya, Annie. This crap's more trouble than its worth. To the Bahamas with you!
Meanwhile at the arena, THIS IS A THROWDOWN, A SHOWDOWN.
HELL NO I CAN'T SLOW DOWN, IT'S GONNA is that fog all over the ice? what in god's motherfucking name.
"hey man, don't make fun of our awesome fog. there was a sale on dry ice at Freddy's; what else were we supposed to do?"
"good shopping, dude. it's hard to catch those sales on time. let's battle."
And they do.
Back at the ranch: "SIGN IT."
Are you kidding? This is Annie we're talking about, she would never
oh crap oh crap ANNIE NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING. DIDN'T YOU SEE THE LITTLE MERMAID, DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED WHEN ARIEL SIGNED SHIT WITHOUT READING THE FINE PRINT.
What ho! What's-her-name just untied herself from those pesky ropes...
...which ends up serving no purpose whatsoever because then Kermit barges in and steals her thunder.
"Don't sign it! Your manager has to read it first!"
"You are worth your 15 percent!"
that's it, guys. I'm done. I quit.
argh! thwarted again! my mustache even went back to its original color!
I just want to point out Pete's been over at the rink doing battle with the Mighty Ducks over there the entire time. Is this a completely separate location from wherever Annie and what's-her-name were? If so, then Peter Caine, you are officially the worst cop ever.
Our buddy Caine lurks around in the shadows again, and judging by the look on his face, not even he can believe this shit. They're using the hockey sticks as swords right now, for cryin' out loud.
Then he puts his hands up for no reason, or at least no reasons that I can figure out.
Excuse me, sir, I believe that's cheating.
But then Peter just whacks a hockey puck at his head, so whatever.
Now the mystery is solved, I guess, and those scallywags are all apprehended because here we are once again at the rink enjoying our sitcom-y happy ending. oh boy.
hey Kelly, 'sup.
"I just heard from the hospital; Gary is out of his coma! He's gonna be all right!"
yaaaaaaaaaaaaay
"Thank you, Peter!"
oy. why don't you just go get a room.
wow. what an exciting game. look at me on the edge of my seat.
Thumbs up if you can't believe Peter Caine is apparently God's gift to the hockey world!
oh, what, kissing? whatever, I said I quit and I meant it.
"oh, it's over, this episode is over! I'm so glad!"
I guess the team loves Pete now. And I guess that guy's name was Cosantine, not Constantine. Still including him in my Annie & Bob pilot, though.
Peter and Caine get to have ~a moment~ where they don't quite hug and make up but they do apologize for hurt feelings to tinny piano music.
And then Caine trolls him with Sonics tickets. Center ice! There's that Shaolin magic again.
They depart, Pete asking his dear old dad what he thought of his skating, because he figures out he's been hanging around watching him for the past 48 hours.
And the room is empty, exactly as empty as my current will to live.
And there you have it, folks. That, I can only surmise, is your average episode of Kung Fu: The Legend Continues.
My list of picspam-related regrets grows ever longer.
Thanks for stopping by, and see you next time. And you know there'll be a next time, because like a dog that just can't seem to learn that the spritzer means "no", I'll just keep coming back, every single time.
god.
Every so often, though, between the Night Court clips and the mind-blowingly difficult pictograms that give you a growling dog and an egg and expect you to get "C.J. Cregg" out of it, there are these straggler questions. They pop out of goddamn nowhere and utterly ruin my your Murphy Brown-based winning streak with their mystery theme songs and their who-the-fuck-has-ever-heard-of-this answers. It's a reminder that this easy as pie game is still incredibly capable of fucking with you, and it's how I ultimately learned of the existence of Kung Fu: The Legend Continues. "Gee, Mom," I said. "You're telling me there was an actual show about a Shaolin monk who wasn't even from China because he was David Carradine and he went around martial artsing everybody and people liked it enough to give it a sequel?" Of course, the answer was yes. Hell, I'm not judging; I'm the kid who willingly watched more than one clip from Street Hawk. If anything, it sounded like a rousing good time and I put it on my mental list of Odd Syndicated Programs I Would Watch If Nothing Else Was On.
And what do you know. Here we are, about to power through an entire episode of that very show thanks to the presence of one NOTABLE GUEST STAR (thanks, Wikipedia!) Honestly, though, with a show that apparently has an episode titled "A Shaolin Christmas", what could possibly go wrong?
Many thanks to insanitywritten for providing this wonder in full on YouTube, and to at least 14 people on Tumblr who are very very excited about this post. I can only hope you're all adequately prepared with the proper amount of alcohol and also narcotics.
One of the first things insanitywritten said to me concerning this episode was that it was all about hockey and... it does in fact appear to be all about hockey so far. Oh, Canada.
Amanda's already here, which means I've stopped paying attention to anything remotely important. Her moe little face, look at it, etc. Seriously omg, she is so tinyyy, I just want to gather her up and all that jazz. And pinch her adorable little cheeks.
ALSO, she is wearing almost the exact same coat my hero for life Murphy Brown wore to FYI's 1994 Lillehammer Olympics Extravaganza. I'm... really not making this up; look at it! This is a working hockey game, not a vacation.
Apparently these guys really suck at hockey.
ARGHLBARGHL YELLING
"Hey, Constantine! You do that in a regular season game and it's five minute major!"
...Constantine?
So, let's see. A-Tapps is Annie and that other guy is Bob, and I think if we just took Constantine over there and added one Alf-like puppet to the mix, we'd have an amazing sitcom. Annie & Bob, coming this spring to The WB. ohhhh, burn. It can even be the lead-in to Unhappily Ever After. ohhhhhh, double-burn.
Anyway, Annie's afraid she's going to be homeless because their team sucks so bad. Well, Annie, I hate to break it to you, but WE'RE ALL HOMELESS NOW. (thank you, homeless person! thank you!)
Annie laments the awful status of this awful team that is apparently her dead father's legacy. Dude, her dad left her a shitty hockey team? Annie's Dead Dad, didn't you ever hear of savings bonds?
Having had enough of this shit, she departs, grumbling that she needs a scotch, straight up. Well, Annie, we all want some things we can't have. For example, I'd like a sledgehammer to the head every time I talk myself into doing another one of these spams, but alas. That harrowing blow never comes.
I have no earthly idea who these people are. I can only assume they're going to end up being important. I don't know, though, they could just be here to yell. I won't hold it against them.
OH, stick to the face! Or in the stomach! Or something! I can't tell!
Uh oh. Somebody's not gettin' out of the penalty box.
ohhhh shoot. Shit is real now.
OH, oh shit! lolomg I paused it and then I hit play and then she said, "Oh my God, not again." D R A M A !
Oh, so, I guess the screaming people were his parents? Or I think she just said, "HE'S MY BROTHERRRR," but it really sounded like she said, "He's my problem". Well, something tells me he's not your problem anymore! Ohhhh man, that was low even for me. Damn.
Well, whatever. Cue theme song! This opening is hilarious, by the way, and I love it.
MONKS! And one of them is David Carradine!
TIGERS!
DRAGONS!
INHALING POSSIBLE HALLUCINOGENS!
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON!
Aw, man. That guy just crashed through that window. I don't know, guys. This might too intense for me.
"I am Caine. I will help you."
It is so cruel that we are living in a world without this man.
Notable guest star, there she is! Aaaand also prostitutes. Okay.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold the fucking phone. There's a guy in this episode whose name is Boss? I... can't even fathom the amount of pussy that guy must get. I just can't.
Okay, well, I guess... I guess that guy's name is actually Ross, but. I WANT TO BELIEVE.
I guess this guy's sort of important since he was in the main credits and stuff. And his name is Pete. thiswillendwell.jpg
As if this guy strolling out with his shades on and his gray hair streak working ten kinds of magic wasn't enough, he shouts, "Keep this down to a dull roar! I'm studying Mayan culture AND I'M GETTING A HEADACHE!"
I think it's possible I underestimated just how good this is going to be. dhskfsldhf.
Two guys non-sequetorially roll in and start man-handling the prostitutes. One of them actually fights back pretty well and punches one of the guys in the stomach. You go, fierce prostitute. Four for you, fierce prostitute.
AND THEN. And then:
AND THEN SHADES BRO JUST CASUALLY SLIDES OVER A COUNTER LIKE A BLUES BROTHER. YEAH, SHIT, I DON'T KNOW, BUT THIS IS AWESOME.
Shades Bro heroically declares, "Well, that's one less pimp on the street!" and then that prostitute is so taken by his macho nature that she touches his face. Fuck, is this show for real?
Pete is just as mystified by this turn of events as I am. And then he, like, ambles around apologizing for not busting his ass over a counter, too.
Okay, this is the worst police station ever. Pimps can just waltz in and beat up ladies, and we got suspicious characters running around all over the place. Security? Hello? You guys are a police station?
Well, I don't know what happened to Annie & Bob and hockey, because I guess this episode is about hookers now and getting them off the streets.
What! Mystery men tearing through the darkness! Maybe they want a refund on their Red Wings tickets.
And then there's a fight. You know, at this point, whatever. There's clearly some sort of overarching story arc happening here (or at least half of one) and I'll just go ahead and surrender early to the fact that I'm going to have no idea what half the crap in this episode is supposed to mean.
Although I have this funny feeling I would have that problem even without the story arc.
The fight goes on... for a while, but Caine pops in and kicks some serious tail without breaking a sweat. He also saves Pete's ass, who proceeds to be the most ungrateful little bastard on Earth. Yeah, you just got saved by Bill, SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT.
Caine says something mystical about masters and enemies and Pete shouts, in a bout of self-pitying rage, "I DON'T WANT TO KNOW MY ENEMIES! I WANT TO KNOW MYSELF!"
Pete just feels so inadequate. He couldn't even help a hooker. And then Caine says, "I will leave you alone." WHAT NO. NOOO CAINE COME BACK. CAAAAAAAAAAINE.
Wait, what? Now we're in a bar? With more hookers? Where is Amanda I came here for Amanda where did Amanda goooooooooooo. At the very least, I want to know what's going on with the awful hockey team and its curse of the dead.
Oh, maybe that lady isn't a hooker. She starts talking about her brother, Gary, aka the dead hockey player, so wait, is this that woman from before? lol I'm so confused. Maybe he has more than one sister.
Sister says Gary got "trashed on the ice three days ago," and PETE over here, FUCKING PETE, says, "Kelly, that's part of the game." WHAT. OH MY GOD. BE MORE OF AN UNSYMPATHETIC DOUCHEBAG, I DARE YOU.
Also just kidding, hockey player isn't dead, he's in the ICU. Cool.
Then there's some relationship drama I don't care about, more things I don't care about, I think Caine's going on a metaphysical spirit trip, and then Pete admits he needs his pops. awwww.
But Caine basically cockblocks him and is all, "cya." lol. That's what you get for dissing David Carradine.
YEAHHHH, ANNIEEEE. WELCOME BACK, GURL. There's some pretty dramatic eye roll action happening here, so I'm guessing this guy who just sat down in her personal space is bad news.
I drew a curly handlebar mustache on him just because.
"Your father was a very close friend of mine," he says all sinister-like. "I'm just trying to look after his little girl."
Yeah, whatever, man. Annie doesn't need your shit. Sheeeee is also flawless and has just about the prettiest face, so.
Eye Roll #2. Handlebar Mustache Personal Space Invader Man tries to make her an offer she can't refuse,
except then she does, WITH SASS. He offers her an assload of money for the team or something, and says the offer isn't "gonna stay on the table for long."
And SHE says, "Especially not if I kick it onto the floor where you'll be sure to find it!" HELLLLLLLLLL YES.
I made it purple this time. Artistic license.
"No one's gonna be skating for this team, you hear me? No one."
"We'll see!" ahaha this is so great, these truckloads of pre-Sam sass. I could get used to this.
AND THAT IS ONE HELL OF A BITCHFACE. I can feel the lasers coming out of her eyes.
Here was the point where insanitywritten reuploaded for higher quality, so now the dimensions are a lottttt different. I think this is gonna be okay, though; the width is the same. Now they're just a lot taller, so. Enjoy!
AND LOOK WHO IT IS, IT'S MY FAVORITE DUDE: SHADES BRO. DRINK THAT COFFEE, SHADES BRO. UNNNNFFFF GET IT.
Oh, and I guess Pete got an undercover spot on the hockey team. Well, let me just drop absolutely everything so I can run to get you a motherfucking gold medal there, Wayne Gretzky.
Some ancient Chinese guy shows up and berates Pete for being a totally unpleasant asshole, and also for hurting Caine's feelings.
"I didn't meant to hurt his feelings."
^ actual dialogue.
Ancient Chinese Guy throws some Shaolin gobbledygook at Pete, but I guess Pete's cool with it when it's not coming from his dad because he says, "I never thought I'd use this phrase... play Shaolin hockey?"
ANCIENT CHINESE SECRET, HUH?
I resisted that one for as long as I could. I really did.
Dude. Dude. I think Shades Bro's name is Kermit. Oh. my. god. I- I can't, I just can't even deal. I'm dying and I can't even deal.
Pete outlines some wacko plan to I think impersonate a French-Canadian hockey player, and then he demonstrates his French-Canadian accent which is basically just him saying, "EET EEZ, HOW YOU SAAAAY, HOKAY." ho-kay. Good luck on your bake sale.
KERMIT is all, "Yeah, what are you gonna do to get into the bigger leagues?"
"I got a secret weapon," Pete says.
Aaaaand cut back to the hockey arena where Ancient Chinese Guy is sailing along the ice on the wings of flippy classical Chinese music. This plan is obviously foolproof; I don't see how anything could possibly go awry.
Yeah, you know what? I don't think they use that move in hockey.
gpoyyyyyyyyy
Then I think an actual hockey player comes in to show Pete some moves, but I just don't even know. You know those parts of SG-1 where Vala and/or Teal'c don't understand Earth humor? That, I think, is an accurate representation of how I feel during this episode. I think there are things that are supposed to be important, I think there are things that are supposed to be funny, but shoot, it's all Goa'uld to me.
Pete and Probably Actual Hockey Player run around the ice for a while, and then, oh god. Then there's this gut-bustingly hilarious slow-mo montage of Pete trying to ~slow the puck down with his Shaolin training~. I just... I started laughing out loud, I really really did.
Guess who's lurking in the shadows, evidently dressed for a trip to Amish country?
"You can do it, my son."
^ ACTUAL DIALOGUE
Then there's this kind of legitimately funny scene with Pete asking his lady cop friend or whatever who looks like a poor man's Edie Falco to go undercover with him.
"Let me make sure I'm tracking this: You want me to do something to help your old ex-girlfriend Kelly, your new girlfriend Jordan happens to be out of town, and then you want me to join you undercover in this life-threatening situation AND pretend to be in love with you?!"
"...That pretty much sums it up."
"Sure."
lmao.
SWEATERRRRRR. Oh, boy, what was that made out of? Cotton candy and magic fibers from the rainbow land of sugar lumps? I feel like some Care Bears were harmed in the making of that thing
Oh my GOD, does he wear those shades all the time? Seriously, who is Kermit and why is he so incredible?
I guess he's trying to convince Annie to let Pete onto her team, but he's doing this as his "manager".
And she's not buyin' it, 'cause sheee's a smart one, that Annie. must've inherited a gene from somewhere or something. ~can't imagine where~.
fuck yeah, look at me, I'm Kermit, and I ain't no frog. BUT I CAN MAKE YOU RIBBIT, BABY.
BITCH, PLEASE. Both Annie and her sweater spirit animal do not have time for this bull. Honestly, Kermit. You think Grumpy Bear put his blood, sweat, and fur into that sweater for shits and giggles? I don't think so, son.
I don't think it's possible that I'll ever get over the sheer amount of cranky-ass faces happening right now. PLEASE MAKE THEM FOREVER ANNIE THEY ARE THE BEST.
oh. OH. LOOK WHO IT IS. Sinister Mustache Man! I couldn't draw one this time because the other half of it couldn't just go over the phone; that would defy basic physics. Maybe next time. I'm sure he'll be back, after all, because he's plotting something suspiciously suspicious. Like, I don't know, a hit on Pete. ooooh, what a tragedy that would be; allow me to valiantly sprint to the kitchen for a box of Kleenex.
Um. Wow, Pete. Wow. Nice digs there. I thought you were supposed to be impersonating a famous hockey player, not a Fonz/Steve Urkel hybrid.
So they go to this cocktail party shindig and for reasons I cannot even begin to pin down, Pete's supposed to act like even more of a total awkward jackass than usual. He knocks glasses over into people, stumbles backwards into waitresses, and asks where the poutine is. I- God, what?
heeeeeen, cocktail parties are soooooo funnnnn!
ohhhh, but this guy showing up is not. Annie wastes no time shooting more eye lasers at him...
...which I have helpfully illustrated for you in this picture. Note the menacing sound effects and the dotted line of unmitigated vengeance.
Then there's some drunken awkward falling because I need even more reasons to punch Pete in the face.
yyyyyeah. Having fun yet?
Under the heading of, "I am not making this up," everything - all plot, all sense of time, all general episode cohesion - suddenly stops dead to give fake Edie Falco time to sing a musical number. She looks just about as thrilled at this turn of events as I am.
As you might expect, it goes on for a while.
Well, at least Annie's happy, and I tell you what, I would move the stars to make Annie happy. And I bet if you're reading this right now, you would, too.
Still going, by the way. And you know what? They laud her as some sort of godsend to the musical world and it's not even that good. It's the kind of singing that is not good enough to be Bird York but still reminds me of her, so it's like if Bird York rolled out of bed one day without coffee and then decided, "Eh, my heart's just not in it right now. Time to record some crap."
stopppppppp. you're done. we're done. aaaggghhh.
All right, it's done. But then what's-her-face (have they even said her name at any point during this?) tries to shack up with Pete to ride that charade all the way to the end, but he's all, "lolno."
And then, the question for the ages:
"I wonder if this happens to Madonna."
don't
just don't
ask any more questions
I'm talking to myself, I'm- just- stop. stop. you'll only hurt yourself.
wheeee more hockeyyyy. Annie asks Kelly how Gary's doing and she's like, "pff, shit's shit, what else is new."
Then she introduces Annie to ~The Ancient~. That's... that's seriously what they call the ancient Chinese dude. I was just calling him ancient for laughs.
"Because I'm so old!"
This is my face right now, but the difference is that she's smiling because she thinks it's funny, whereas I'm smiling because my IQ points are spilling out of my ears.
Pete gets the shit kicked out of him on the ice because the team is like Mean Girls personified. They're pretty much the cliquiest clique to have ever cliqued and now they have it out for Pete.
They have it out for him so much that they decide to kick the shit out of him in the locker room, too. arrrrr I are frakenstein! No, just kidding, this is Pete about to get his intestines rearranged.
Amazingly, though, amazingly, Pete really gives these guys what for. I guess he ~remembered his Shaolin training~. God, that won't ever stop sounding like the punchline to an awful joke.
Oh, hey, then Annie shows up, and Pete looks like he's ready to go to a hoedown.
Annie, already proven to not be one to mince words, cuts right to the chase and asks, "I'd like to talk to you; can I buy you dinner tonight? Just you?"
>just you
>just you
>just you
WHAT.
IS THIS GOING WHERE I THINK IT'S GOING
THIS BETTER NOT BE GOING WHERE I THINK IT'S GOING I WILL BE SO FLIPPIN' MAD
christ. Well, here we are at dinner, and the first words out of Annie's mouth are, "You don't seem very surprised to find a woman owning a team like the Carlsberg Sonics."
oh, cheese. and. rice. No, I can't make that joke. I won't make that joke. I won't say anything like, "Just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside doesn't mean I can't own this hockey team." I would never make a joke like that. That would be too easy.
Remember how Annie's dead dad left her the hockey team instead of anything remotely practical? Well, listen up, 'cause she's about to tell the story of how he died. I'm sure it's gonna be a real tear-jerker.
"He was killed two years ago in Paris crossing the street.
He looked the wrong way."
...
...
...
PFFFFFFHAHAHAHAHAHA
OH GOD I CAN'T, I CAN'T. MY STOMACH HURTS.
"Eye yam sorrie."
Yeah, you look it.
They talk about Sinister Mustache Man for a while and how he wants control of the team, and then they talk about how the team in jinxed. "No playah want to come." lmfao wow.
"Except you." lololol well, let's not ever discuss Pete and coming because these are two things that do not belong in the same sentence ever.
"I know that you're someone special," Annie says. "I don't just mean as a player. I mean as a person."
OH, GOD. ARE YOU- IS THIS- G O D.
you smarmy. fucking. buttmunch. THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR HOW MUCH I LOATHE YOU.
Annie then says she's "frightened" that someone on this team "is a killer". dun dun dunnnnnnn. Honestly? I don't think it's that much of a stretch seeing as how pretty much everyone on this team doesn't play well with others, to say the least. It's not like you'd need Sherlock Holmes to figure this one out.
Meanwhile at the arena, Kermit and what's-her-name are snooping around looking for evidence of sabotage. And the evidence comes, I believe, in the form of...
"The Sonics' diary. That should prove interesting."
A diary? A diary? Jesus titty-fucking Christ, what did these writers do? Get stoned at 3 AM and then make an episode out of all the pretty colors they saw? A DIARY? COME ON. YOU GUYS ARE NOT EVEN TRYING.
Annie and Pete arrive back at the arena, and she thanks him for dinner and giggles and makes this utterly bizarre remark about "crying on a stranger's shoulder, kind of a new twist to my social behavior." To your social behavior? Were these writers on drugs? Were they. on actual. drugs.
And then Pete kisses Annie's hand, again, as he vows to sniff out the Sonics' killer. eesh. Stop that you fiend you are not even close to worthy.
Thennnnn, Annie calls Pete by his fake famous hockey player name, Bertrand something-or-other which I have NO hope of being able to spell correctly so I'm not even going to try, and he says, "Yes?"
"Broke his leg three days ago in Stockholm."
OHHHHH
SNAP
LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY JUST GOT FOUND THE HECK OUT. OH MAN, ANNIEEEE. YOU HERO, YOU LITTLE HERO. YOU ARE 100% SMARTER THAN YOUR AWFUL DIALOGUE MAKES YOU LOOK, SHOOT. I, for one, just feel like I got played like a violin, and I'm a-okay with that.
"Your accent could use a little work."
FUCK YEAH ANNIEEEEEEE.
heeeerpderpderpderpderpderpderp. And yet, Annie still has faith in this king of all derps, because ~ancient Shaolin magic~ and ai yai yai.
I'm sure no one will hold it against me if I just take a moment to appreciate Annie's darling face.
SUDDENLY BAD MEN IN BRIGHTLY-COLORED HOCKEY MASKS. I promise you that even in context, there is almost no proper segue into this.
BUT BITCHES DON'T KNOW 'BOUT WHAT'S-HER-NAME
Unfortunately, she can't hit the broad side of a barn. That guy was right in front of you! Where the blinding bloody hell were you even aiming?
Annie moseys down a hall, laaaaaaaadeedahdeedah~♪
and she's totally oblivious TO THAT MOTHERFUCKER RIGHT BEHIND HER HOLY SHIT
nnnnooooooooo annieeeee
And one of them comes for what's-her-name, too. Great. Is it the same dude? I think it would be hilarious if it was the exact same dude. He must have some Shaolin magic of his own.
"herper hotline, how can I derp you today"
"IF YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR NEW BOSS ALIVE AGAIN, COME TO THE RINK IN ONE HOUR.
SUIT UP,
AND SKATE ONTO THE ICE.
WE'LL BE WAITING."
As usual, I have no words.
The way you know shit is serious is because Pete rips off his nerd glasses in grand Clark Kent style and looks ultra pensive.
Eep! This situation looks fairly threatening. Is that a knife in Sinister Mustache Man's hands? Oh, no, it's just a pen. Why? Because Sinister Mustache Man wants this team real bad.
I know the writers obviously haven't stopped to consider any logic of any sort, but I'm going to for a minute.
a.) Why on Earth does Sinister Mustache Man want this fucking shitty hockey team?
b.) Why does anyone?
c.) He can't be serious when he says a Japanese conglomerate is willing to pay five times its worth. In order to do what? Purchase a bunch of kindergartners trapped in 30-year-olds' bodies?
d.) Why doesn't Annie just sell the thing herself and retire to the Bahamas? Your dad couldn't even pay basic attention at a crosswalk! What the hell do you owe him?
Oh, Sinister Mustache Man, how festive! You got yourself some very nice ornaments there.
He makes some threats that aren't even very threatening, but are any of us even near the point of caring anymore? No? Didn't think so.
I'm tellin' ya, Annie. This crap's more trouble than its worth. To the Bahamas with you!
Meanwhile at the arena, THIS IS A THROWDOWN, A SHOWDOWN.
HELL NO I CAN'T SLOW DOWN, IT'S GONNA is that fog all over the ice? what in god's motherfucking name.
"hey man, don't make fun of our awesome fog. there was a sale on dry ice at Freddy's; what else were we supposed to do?"
"good shopping, dude. it's hard to catch those sales on time. let's battle."
And they do.
Back at the ranch: "SIGN IT."
Are you kidding? This is Annie we're talking about, she would never
oh crap oh crap ANNIE NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING. DIDN'T YOU SEE THE LITTLE MERMAID, DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED WHEN ARIEL SIGNED SHIT WITHOUT READING THE FINE PRINT.
What ho! What's-her-name just untied herself from those pesky ropes...
...which ends up serving no purpose whatsoever because then Kermit barges in and steals her thunder.
"Don't sign it! Your manager has to read it first!"
"You are worth your 15 percent!"
that's it, guys. I'm done. I quit.
argh! thwarted again! my mustache even went back to its original color!
I just want to point out Pete's been over at the rink doing battle with the Mighty Ducks over there the entire time. Is this a completely separate location from wherever Annie and what's-her-name were? If so, then Peter Caine, you are officially the worst cop ever.
Our buddy Caine lurks around in the shadows again, and judging by the look on his face, not even he can believe this shit. They're using the hockey sticks as swords right now, for cryin' out loud.
Then he puts his hands up for no reason, or at least no reasons that I can figure out.
Excuse me, sir, I believe that's cheating.
But then Peter just whacks a hockey puck at his head, so whatever.
Now the mystery is solved, I guess, and those scallywags are all apprehended because here we are once again at the rink enjoying our sitcom-y happy ending. oh boy.
hey Kelly, 'sup.
"I just heard from the hospital; Gary is out of his coma! He's gonna be all right!"
yaaaaaaaaaaaaay
"Thank you, Peter!"
oy. why don't you just go get a room.
wow. what an exciting game. look at me on the edge of my seat.
Thumbs up if you can't believe Peter Caine is apparently God's gift to the hockey world!
oh, what, kissing? whatever, I said I quit and I meant it.
"oh, it's over, this episode is over! I'm so glad!"
I guess the team loves Pete now. And I guess that guy's name was Cosantine, not Constantine. Still including him in my Annie & Bob pilot, though.
Peter and Caine get to have ~a moment~ where they don't quite hug and make up but they do apologize for hurt feelings to tinny piano music.
And then Caine trolls him with Sonics tickets. Center ice! There's that Shaolin magic again.
They depart, Pete asking his dear old dad what he thought of his skating, because he figures out he's been hanging around watching him for the past 48 hours.
And the room is empty, exactly as empty as my current will to live.
And there you have it, folks. That, I can only surmise, is your average episode of Kung Fu: The Legend Continues.
My list of picspam-related regrets grows ever longer.
Thanks for stopping by, and see you next time. And you know there'll be a next time, because like a dog that just can't seem to learn that the spritzer means "no", I'll just keep coming back, every single time.
god.