A Place in this Life: Chapter Eleven: Secrets.
Is it a trick? Or a treat? Just in time for Halloween, either way. Been a long time. I know. So no further excuses. Click the cut to read the final chapter.
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter franchise. The world and all its inhabitants belong to Laurell K. Hamilton. I’ve just borrowed her world for my own, and hopefully your, entertainment. I make no money from this work and discourage any attempts to sue me as being fiscally unrewarding.
Warnings: Legal adults only. Graphic sex, violence, adult themes, vampires and lycanthropes. Read at your own risk.
Authors Note: I’d like to thank everyone who has stuck with this story for so long. We’ve finally reached the conclusion of our tale. It has taken quite a bit more telling than I expected and far longer than I care to admit to put the words to screen. I hope you enjoy this final chapter.
Chapter Eleven: Secrets
Morning came and went before Erica awoke to the sound of footsteps on the stair. Light flared, harsh and bright to her eyes as the overhead fixture came to life. She blinked and sat up, clutching the blankets to her chest. Her heart began to pound as her thoughts turned to her visitor.
“Hey, you up?” It was Caleb, dressed as casually as she’d ever seen him in a faded grey tee shirt and a pair of frayed denim shorts. “Been waiting on you.”
“Yeah. I’m up now.” She swallowed hard and pushed the blankets away. She ignored him as she began looking for something to put on. She didn’t hear him descend the rest of the stairs or cross the carpeted floor. His touch on her elbow made her whirl, her hands tangling in the sleeves of a shirt she’d chosen at random.
“You’re not backing out on me, are you?” His eyes were still human-brown, but the look in them wasn’t quite. She stared at him, her mouth refusing to work. He reached out to stroke a finger along her cheek. Her pulse jumped and she fought the urge to back away. “Because you smell like you are.”
“No Caleb. I’m not. Backing out, I mean.”
“Good.” He smiled at her, but it wasn’t a reassuring smile. He ran a hand down her bare arm and she shivered. “I’ve been thinking about this all night.”
“Just let me change and grab a shower.”
“No.” His hand curled around her wrist, his grip like sun-warmed steel. “No shower. Just get dressed. I want to be out of the house before more people show up.”
“OK.” She swallowed hard and pulled away. He spoke again while she was tugging her shirt over her head.
“Besides, I like the way you smell right now.”
That earned him a curious stare. She must reek of sex and sweat and Damian. Caleb’s smile widened into a predatory grin. “Is that a lycanthrope thing or just you?”
“A little of both.” He backed away, giving her room to dress and began to pace restlessly. Erica imagined his beast, a leopard pacing the length of the room, looking for a way out.
“What do we say if someone asks us where we’re going?” Erica asked nervously while she searched for her shoes.
“We’re going for a walk. Going on a picnic. I even packed us a lunch and found us an old blanket to use.”
“A picnic?” She found one shoe half a foot under the bed. She must have kicked it there accidentally. Shadow watched her with gleaming eyes from the gloom beneath the bed. Erica perched on the end to put her shoes on. Tennis shoes, since they would be waking in the woods behind Anita’s house. The idea of Caleb calmly packing a basket full of sandwiches - her mind just spun processing the images.
“Yeah. I’ll be hungry later.” He grinned at her again. “Ready?”
“I guess so.” She rose and nervously wiped her palms on the denim shorts she wore. “Who’s upstairs?”
“Just Cherry and Zane so far. Anita’s out with Micah and Nathaniel.” Caleb’s pacing brought him closer. He reached out and put a hand on each of her shoulders. He kneaded them as he studied her face. “I like the whole fear-scent thing. But if you don’t calm down, we won’t make it out of the house.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll try.” He continued to knead her shoulders for a moment longer. Then he pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her. He squeezed her tightly, just short of crushing. Erica closed her eyes and clung to him, taking in the warmth of his body. Her heart was still pounding. She breathed deeply, trying to slow her pulse.
“You can still change your mind.” He whispered in her ear. “We haven’t done anything yet. We could just go have that picnic.”
“Just go have a picnic?” Her voice sounded small in her own ears. She almost said yes. Almost took the out he was offering her. Almost. “Are you backing out on me, Caleb? I thought you wanted this.” She squeezed him and buried her face in the crook of his neck so that her own breath was hot and most. He let her stay there a moment, then pulled her back.
“Fuck, yes. I want to do this.” He stared into her eyes with an intensity that made her shiver. “But I don’t want you saying that you didn’t want this later.”
“It’s my idea, Caleb. And I’ll tell them that if they ask me.”
“You’d better.” He scowled and shifted his grip until he held her face between his hands. He kissed her hard and almost brutal. So hard that she couldn’t help but struggle a little. He growled deep in his chest and broke the kiss, shoving her away and making her stumble a little. “I should call this off, but I’m stupid.”
“You’re not stupid.”
“Yeah. I am. But I’m going to do it anyway.” He brushed past her and began to climb up the stairs. He didn’t look back. Erica took a shaky breath and looked around her, taking one last look at the chamber she’d been sharing with Damian. One last look, then she started after him. No backing out now.
* * *
The blanket was a faded blue; the edges tattered until it was almost a fringe. The basket was brand new. The wicker was still glossy, the white check of it’s lining almost blinding in the noonday sun. It was warm. Warm enough that sweat trickled down her back, making her tee shirt cling to her skin. Caleb was quiet as they waked together into the trees that grew tall and thick behind Anita’s house.
The silence was heavy and made her nervous. She stole glances at her companion from the corner of her eye. Each time she looked, she caught his eyes on her, dark and intent. Each time their eyes met, her stomach fluttered with anxiety and she hugged the blanket closer to her body as if it were a teddy bear. She doubted she could have eaten the sandwiches Caleb carried if she had to. Of course, she didn’t have to, did she?
“Over here.” He reached out and grabbed her arm, his grip a little tighter than she liked. He steered her through a break in the trees into a small clearing. The ground here was grassy, mostly free of leaves and other debris. The sun broke through the branches in shafts of golden heat that she could actually feel when they passed over her skin. Caleb tugged her into the center of the clearing. He dropped the basked to one side. “Spread the blanket out.”
She hesitated a moment before complying. Caleb moved around restlessly, kicking small stones and branches out of the way. She flipped open the blanket with a snap, spreading it out over the grass. She knelt down on it and started straitening the edges. Her heart was thudding in her chest and her hands shook just a little.
“Erica.” His voice sounded impatient. She looked up to see him already bare from the waist up. Sunlight glinted off the silver at his nipples and navel. His hands held the waistband of his shorts. His shoes already lay discarded at the edge of the blanket. “The blanket is fine.”
“Are you sure no one will come looking for us?”
“They will if you keep stalling.”
“I’m not…” Her voice caught in her throat as he dropped his shorts. His body was smoothly muscled beneath tanned skin. He was already erect, anticipation lending a certain energy to his movements. It was an effort of will to bring her gaze up to his face. Were his eyes growing lighter? She couldn’t tell in the patchwork of sunlight and shadows.
She watched his nostrils flare and could hear the soft intake of his breath. She rose to her feet, swallowing hard and running nervous palms over her shorts to wipe away the sweat. What was she doing?
“I’ve never done anything like this.” Her voice quavered a little and she swallowed again. “Sorry.”
“Don’t worry. I have.” He replied, his voice growing deeper with each syllable. He moved toward her so quickly that she took a step back in reaction. Or at least she tried to. She didn’t get more than a few inches before he was there. The wereleopard yanked her forward, claiming her mouth in a nearly bruising kiss. He pulled at her clothing insistently and she felt several stitches give before he succeeded in sliding her shorts off her hips. She found herself frozen, almost passive in his arms, unable to decide between fear and desire.
His mouth left hers only long enough to yank the t-shirt over her head. She scrambled to remove her bra before he could touch it, afraid he would destroy it in his haste. He began to tug her panties down her hips before she could finish.
“Caleb. Slow down.” She whispered. “You’re scaring me.”
“I want you scared.” His voice had deepened to a low growl and his eyes had bled to golden green leopard’s eyes. Her breath caught and she pulled away. He caught her arms and smiled. “Yeah. Like that.”
“Caleb.” She tugged against him, unable to stop herself. She knew it would excite him even more. Maybe too much. “Caleb?” Her voice rose a little, panic seeping in.
“Hush.” He pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her in an embrace too tight to be called a hug. He nuzzled her neck, lips nibbling at her skin. Teeth nipped gently. He sighed and the nibbling became a trail of kisses. He worked his way up her neck and along her jaw until he reached her mouth. “Hush.”
“All right.” Erica let herself be drawn down to kneel on the blanket. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. Caleb dug his fingers into her hair, wrapping it tight in his grip and pulled her lips to his. The kiss was rough, but she leaned into it, kissing him back. She rested her hands on his arms, steadying herself rather than pushing away.
“That’s better.” He spoke quietly against her lips and kissed her again, lowering his hands to wrap around her hips and draw her into his lap. His voice was almost a growl and it made her shiver. She could feel just how hard he was beneath her. His skin was so hot that it seemed to burn against hers. She loosened her grip on his arms and began to touch him. She caressed the smooth hardness of his chest and shoulders. She drew her hands down the lean contours of his back and cupped his ass in her hands. He groaned at that and she nipped at his shoulder hard enough to make him gasp.
“God, I want to fuck you.” He muttered against the column of her throat.
“OK. Caleb. OK.” She swallowed hard and ducked her head to kiss him. She imagined she tasted something wild and uncontrollable on his lips. Her pulse jumped in response. The kiss grew, deepening as he lowered her to the blanket-covered ground. He followed, covering her body with his. He pressed hard and insistent against her thigh while one hand worked its way between them. His fingers slid between her thighs, seeking. He found her already growing wet, his fingertips playing with the sensitive flesh about her entrance and pinching her clit until she whimpered for him. He swallowed up the little noises she made and moved, sliding first one thigh, then the other between her legs.
He pushed her thighs wide until his hips settled between them, the tip of him nudging at her entrance. He raised himself up so that he could stare down at her with eyes gone green-gold. He shifted his weight, pressing into her with a soft exhalation, his eyes never wavering.
“Last chance to back out.” His hips moved, pulling out and thrusting back in. Erica gasped at the sensation, clutching at his arms. “Do I just fuck you or…”
“No.” She gasped and threw her head back. “No. Let’s do this.”
“You better remember you said that.” He growled and began to thrust in earnest. “Once I start, I’m not stopping.”
“I…understand.” The words were choked as the thrusts grew harder and faster. Hard enough that she felt every twig and pebble beneath the blanket digging into her skin. Hard enough that she knew she would be sore later. So hard that she couldn’t do much more than clutch at his arms and whimper.
The whimpering seemed to excite him even more and his eyes gleamed with a predatory intensity. His lips drew back in a smile that was half-snarl, showing teeth that suddenly seemed too large and sharp to be human. The urge to scream built as he shifted, catching her wrists and pinning them to the ground.
She started to struggle against his grip, unable to stop herself. He growled at her and she closed her eyes, fighting the rising panic. He continued to thrust, fucking her with more violence than she’d ever seen from him. Somehow he seemed to be writhing against her, but his rhythm never faltered. Warmth washed over her in a spill of viscous liquid. The part of him that was piercing her seemed to grow until every thrust felt as if it were splitting her in two.
Her eyes flew open and she found herself staring at a face was no longer human. Pale yellow fur covered his body, dappled with black rosettes, dry except where their bodies touched. It was thinner along his stomach and she could fee the slick heat of his skin there. His features were a mix of feline and human that was just barely recognizable as Caleb. He now held her wrists in a grip that hurt. Hurt enough that she had to turn her head to confirm that she was bleeding.
He shoved harder inside her and she felt almost as if something were tearing. She whimpered louder and struggled against his grip until he growled at her. She froze in his grasp, her eyes wide. He rose up and shifted his grip to her hips, curling limbs that were neither hands nor claws around the cheeks of her ass. Pain lanced through her as he dragged her closer, claws sliding deep into her flesh. She gasped and cried out. He shifted his grip and the claws bit deep again. She opened her mouth to scream.
“Don’t.” He hissed at her, his words distorted by a mouth shaped all wrong for human speech. One furred hand clamped across her mouth. He loomed over her, leaning close enough that his breath was hot on her face. She whimpered behind his palm. “Don’t scream. If they hear us, they’ll stop us.”
He didn’t let her speak, but resumed his thrusting, the new angle just a little less painful. She couldn’t help the small, trapped noises muffled behind his palm. His free hand returned to her hip and again she felt the sharp pain of claws digging into flesh. It was almost enough to make her forget the tearing, burning pain between her legs. Too much, too hard. Tears began to leak from the corners of her eyes.
“God, you smell good.” He rumbled and shifted position so that he could sniff at her face. A scream froze in her throat and she closed her eyes, trying to remember the man and not the monster above her. The hand across her mouth moved away, shifting to her hips again. More pain lancing through her. “Don’t scream. Don’t. I don’t want this to stop.”
“It hurts, Caleb. It hurts.” She whispered while tears rolled down her cheeks. But she reached for the furred body above her. Over. She just wanted it to be over. Her hands shook as she tentatively touched his furred sides. She felt the play of powerful muscles beneath fur that was surprisingly dry and soft. She dug her fingers into the softness until she was raking fingernails along his skin.
Caleb growled and moved faster, thrusts coming quicker and shallower. Erica continued to stroke him, remembering how they had touched each other before. Tried to remember what it was he liked, what would bring him over the edge without his losing control of his beast. She found a human nipple hidden in the sparser fur on his chest and pinched it. He groaned and ground against her.
“Shit. Yeah.” He responded, his rhythm shifting again. He lowered himself so that their chests were pressed together, his face buried in her hair. He wrapped his arms around her, claws digging into her shoulders. She sobbed quietly, but she held onto him, fingers lost in the fur on his back. She could feel the smooth ebb and flow of muscle as he drove himself into her again and again.
Details began to fade, leaving only a haze of pain, fear and confusion. The sunlight filtering through the leaves made mesmerizing patterns above her. She was only distantly aware when he finished, half collapsing over her as his body spent itself. She had no idea how long it was before he moved. It was even longer before she realized he was speaking.
“Erica. Hey, Erica, you with me?” The words were thick and growling. But the voice was Caleb’s. “Erica?”
“Caleb? I…” She tried to sit up and the whole world lurched. Before the world could right itself again, the forest around them exploded with motion and noise. A vaguely man-shaped shadow crossed the clearing, too fast for her to follow. It slammed into the wereleopard’s body, snarling.
“Never again.” Belatedly, she realized the snarling was words. “Never, Caleb!”
“Wait! Micah! It’s not what it looks like!”
“Oh my God! Erica!” Cherry was just there, leaning over her, her gray eyes wide and surprised. Beyond her shoulder, she could see the two furred forms rolling over the ground. As she watched the black figure rose to its feet, lifted Caleb’s cat form by the arms and threw him into a tree. The impact was a dull thud and the tree shook, dropping leaves and small branches.
“Don’t move. You’re bleeding.” Cherry’s voice was like a buzz in her ears. She was aware of others crowding around her in the clearing, but her eyes were all for the fight taking place mere yards away.
“I should kill you.” The black cat-man snarled and struck with blinding speed. Caleb wasn’t truly fighting; he held his furred arms in front of him in a futile attempt to ward off the blows. Erica caught a flash of crimson before Cherry’s face loomed before her, blocking the view.
“How badly are you hurt?”
“I can’t…” Erica shook her head and tried again to sit up. The sounds from across the clearing frightened her.
“It’s not what it looks like, Micah. I swear.”
“Caleb?” She tried to push Cherry away, but it did no good. She only succeeded in catching a glimpse of the darker leopard man, his face an alien mask. “Don’t hurt him, please!”
“Get her out of here. Now.” She had a hard time reconciling the spitting fury she heard with the soft-spoken Micah.
“Come on, Erica.” Cherry scooped her up like a child, ignoring her feeble attempt to prevent it. As the other woman stood, her head began to spin and she lost track of the combatants. Faces swam around her, some angry, others frightened.
“Wait!” She protested and tried to orient herself, but Cherry took off in a jog that threatened to bounce her head right off her shoulders. “Put me down.”
“No.” Cherry muttered. “No. I can’t.”
“But, Caleb…”
“Here, let me take her.” Zane was there, reaching out to take her from Cherry’s arms. He took only a moment to settle her against his chest. Then he took off in a loping run that carried her away from the fight. Zane’s pace was faster and the trees seemed to fly past them. The effect was dizzying and she gulped hard against the rising nausea.
“Stop. Please stop.” She pleaded. “I’m going to be sick.” Zane finally halted and lowered her to the grass. They had left the trees and were now within a few feet of Anita’s back deck. He helped her rise to her hands and knees. Her gorge rose and her body shook with the violence of her retching. The sour smell filled the air. Cherry caught up with them, dropping to the ground next to her and lending a supporting hand.
“Oh God. It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault.” Erica spat weakly and tried to rise. The world tilted like some carnival ride and she crumpled. The wereleopards caught her, but by then she was unconscious.
* * *
Angry voices buzzed around her and she felt as if she were wrapped in cotton. A dozen hurts made themselves known as she shifted restlessly. It was too bright. The light seemed to pierce right through her skull when she tried to open her eyes.
“The damage is done. I don’t see any point in killing him.” The voice was oddly familiar. “Of course, it is your pard.”
“I should have put a bullet in him months ago.” That voice she knew and it frightened her. Put a bullet in who? There was something wrong with her. It was hard to think. “Micah…”
“He’ll heal.” The voice was curt, but human again. Again?
“And so will she.” A hand touched her wrist, taking her pulse. “How long that will take depends on whether or not he was successful.”
“Successful!” Anita. The voice belonged to Anita. “Successful! What do you mean successful?”
“What do you think happened here?”
“He attacked her.” Anita’s tone was firm.
“Caleb has a history.” Micah sounded tired. “But, I promised my people a new start. If they could control themselves.”
“A history?” More touches on her skin. The touches were gentle, almost soothing and Erica wondered if the woman - Dr. Lillian she thought - knew she was awake. Sense was beginning to return to her, along with the pain of at least a dozen injuries. “What sort of history?”
“It’s up to you, Micah.” Anita’s voice was still half-angry. “I wasn’t there.”
“If you had been…” He sounded tired and wistful. “But that was before we came to Saint Louis.”
“Ah. When you were still with Chimera.”
“Yes.” She felt a presence draw closer and it was hard not to react. There was a new touch on the back of one hand. “She’s waking up.”
“Yes. But she still has quite a bit of painkillers in her system.”
“Erica? Are you awake?” The hand wrapped around hers, rough and warm. And human. That was enough of a surprise that she opened her eyes. She had expected it to be furry.
She opened her mouth to speak, but found her mouth so dry that no words came out. Anticipating this, the doctor held out a glass with a straw without being asked. Erica sat up with Micah’s assistance, wincing when her wounds protested the motion.
They waited quietly while she took a few careful sips of water. She still felt fuzzy as if she were in the middle of a dream. When she thought she could speak, she asked the first question that popped into her head. “Where is Caleb?”
“He’s resting.” The doctor took the glass from her. “Sleeping off the change.”
“What happened, Erica?” The man’s voice was soft, no trace of the fury she remembered. She tried to reconcile the calm, sympathetic, very human expression on the man’s face with her last memories. She had a heavy, frightening feeling that she had missed something. Had been missing something all along.
“What did you mean that Caleb has a history?” His hand tightened on hers briefly and his eyes flicked to where Anita leaned against the wall. It was only then that she realized she was somewhere unfamiliar. Anita’s bedroom, maybe? It was definitely a home and not a hospital.
“Tell us what happened first.” The dark-haired woman pushed away from the wall and moved closer. “What happened out there?”
Strangely, Anita’s quiet questions were more frightening than the touch of the man beside her. Even after seeing him in his furry form, dangerous and violent.
“We’re in trouble, aren’t we?” She swallowed hard and squeezed at his hand.
“We?” Anita asked.
“It’s my fault. I talked him into it.” Panic spilled over her and words tumbled out in a flood. “I told him I wanted to be like him. I wanted to be a…wereleopard.” She focused her eyes on Micah’s, on the strange yellow-green of his eyes. Anything but the angry black depths of Anita’s eyes. “I knew he wanted…I told him we could…It was a fantasy of his. I said I would if he would…do it.”
Her heart was racing, pounding as if it would fly out of her chest. Her hands felt cold except where Micah’s warm fingers held hers. There was some expression in his eyes that she couldn’t read. But she couldn’t look away. She couldn’t bring herself to meet Anita’s angry stare. She could almost feel it like a storm cloud, black and heavy, ready to pour down in elemental fury.
“I just wanted to be…a…part.” She whispered and clung to Micah’s fingers.
“Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.” Anita swore. “This is all my fault. I should never have let Damian keep her here.”
“Anita.” Lillian’s voice was soothing. “I don’t think this is helping my patient. She’s had quite a series of shocks in a short time. I think perhaps you should let her get some rest.”
“Rest.” Anita growled and Erica risked a glance at her. She was scowling, but she was moving toward the open doorway. “Yeah. She can rest.”
“Anita.” Micah’s voice was quiet, almost gentle.
“I won’t kill him.” She paused with the doorknob in her hand. “This time. But no promises after that.”
“Of course not.” Micah began to follow her, but Erica clung to his hand.
“You really thought Caleb attacked me?”
“This should wait until you’re feeling better.” He started to disentangle his fingers from hers. The care he took sent a pang through her and she suddenly had a name for the expression in his eyes. Guilt. It was guilt. Why?
“No. Micah, please. I’m tired of feeling like I’m missing something.” A flash of her own guilt surfaced but she pushed on. “Maybe if someone had told me. Whatever it is.”
“Maybe.” Micah ran his free hand through the loose mass of curls that tumbled over his shoulders. “You’ve only seen this pard and how Anita and I run things. There are things we would never do. Never ask our people to do.”
“I don’t understand.”
“We were once two separate groups. My group - Anita helped us escape the control of a…monster. His name was Chimera. He was insane and sadistic. He used torture and rape to control his people. He was cruel to those who defied him, but some seemed to enjoy following his orders. Caleb…”
He paused and his strange, yellow-green eyes studied her face. “Many of us were forced to do things we didn’t want to do. Terrible things, Erica. People we cared about were used against us when threats and torture weren’t enough. We don’t talk about it.”
“But you think Caleb liked doing it?” The idea made her guts twist until she felt queasy.
“I think he enjoyed at least some of it. He was young when Chimera took control of our pard.”
“He didn’t rape me.” Erica whispered. “He didn’t.”
“OK.” He squeezed her hand one more time. “Rest now.”
“But where is he?”
“We put him in the guest bedroom.”
“Are you going to punish him?”
“I don’t know yet.” He brushed her hand away and motioned for her to lie back down. “Rest.”
* * *
Something has happened.
The thought held the same inarguable certainty as the knowledge that the sun had slipped below the horizon. Damian rose to a darkened room. A disquiet filtered from somewhere out of sight. His mistress was disturbed, her emotions too complex and too erratic to make sense of. Nathaniel was there, too. His emotions though fainter, were simpler to read. Worry and guilt.
He climbed from his coffin and reached for a light. Some almost-forgotten part of him needed the reassurance. Needed to see the shadows pushed back into their customary hiding places.
He stood a moment in the circle of artificial light, listening to the house and it’s inhabitants. The little cat was sleeping on the sofa, her breathing a soft shushing of air. The faint sounds of people moving about and the muffled tone of voices wafted from above.
He frowned. This was one of the parts of being what he was that he found most disturbing. So many things could happen while he was sealed away in his coffin for the day. If he wished to know, there was no other choice but to go above. And in any case, he would need to feed and there were no donors waiting for him here.
Where was his pomme de sang? That thought brought an increase to the disquiet he felt. He climbed the stairs, padding on bare feet, his steps almost soundless. The house above seemed overly full of nervous wereleopards. They sat in twos and threes in the living room, their voices soft and strained. He looked among them for his Erica and did not find her. The wereleopards avoided his gaze and that made the disquiet grow even more.
He ignored them, seeking out his mistress. Anita was a boiling knot of tension in the kitchen. Nathaniel was dancing attendance with freshly made coffee. Micah sat like a stone in the midst of a stream, sipping his own mug of coffee. His gaze flicked up to meet Damian’s as the vampire entered but he didn’t speak.
“What has happened?” He glided across the tiled floor toward his mistress. Nathaniel slid aside, leaving him enough space to lean a hip against the counter and lay one pale hand on Anita’s arm. He stroked it soothingly, an automatic gesture. She didn’t respond immediately. She and Micah exchanged glances. Micah shrugged, but Damian could see tension in the way the Nimir-Raj’s fingers tightened around the mug.
“Did you know what they were planning to do?” Anita’s question caught him off guard.
“I do not know what you mean. Who do you mean?”
“Caleb and Erica.” The arm beneath his hand fairly vibrated with tension.
“What have they done?” His own tension notched upward even as he continued his attempts to soothe his mistress.
“She insists that it was her idea. But I can’t believe she knew what she was asking for. If she asked for it.”
“Anita…” Micah’s voice was soft, placating.
“I said I wouldn’t kill him.” Anita raised her mug to her lips and took a long swallow. The liquid was thick and pale with cream and smelled bittersweet. “I said nothing about keeping Damian from killing him.”
“Where is she?” He stopped his stroking, instead balling his hand into a fist. “If he has hurt her, I will kill him.”
“Damian.” Nathaniel’s touch on his wrist was gentle but firm. A sense of peace radiated from the touch, not the peace of emotion controlled by iron will, but the peace of acceptance. “Think before you act. Think.”
He glared at the wereleopard, but Nathaniel didn’t flinch away. “Where is she?”
“She’s with him. She ignored Dr. Lillian’s and Micah’s orders and dragged herself upstairs.” Anita’s tone was flat and emotionless. “Lillian says she’ll heal. And so will he.”
“Upstairs.” Damian pulled his arm from Nathaniel’s grip and turned away. His thoughts were already elsewhere. Upstairs. His feet carried him through the living room, past the waiting wereleopards and up the stairs before he was truly aware that he had made a decision. He stopped, his hand curled around the doorknob.
Think. Think before you act. Nathaniel’s words repeated themselves in his mind, a singsong chant that echoed down the marks that bound them both to Anita. He drew in a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh. He reached for that inhuman calm and patience that his mistress so valued in him. Think before you act. He turned the knob slowly. He found it unlocked and swung the door open.
He looked down at them. She lay curled about him, her front pressed against his back, her arm around his waist. The blankets covered much. Of what he could see, it looked like Caleb wore nothing beneath the blankets, not even bandages. His flesh showed the marks of claws and heavy bruising. Erica wore only bandages, her bare skin pressed against the wereleopard’s. Blood spotted a few of the bandages where the blankets had slipped, baring one hip and upper thigh.
Think. He thought they had both been sleeping, but Erica’s green eyes were open and staring. Her arm tightened convulsively about Caleb’s waist. He could smell the wounds, smell the blood and the scent of sex mingled.
“Please don’t kill him.” She released Caleb, drawing away and sitting up, her movements stiff and painful. “Please, Damian.”
Think. Before you act.
Alone. A wounded wereleopard left alone with no one but a human to curl about him and lend her warmth to his healing. Lycanthropes stuck together, slept together, not just for closeness, but also for healing. The house was filled with lycanthropes, but only Erica was in this room. It meant something.
“Damian?” Her tone was becoming more and more anxious. He stepped further into the room, drawing the door closed behind him. The sound of the latch seemed loud in the comparative silence. “Say something. Please.”
Think.
“What would you have me say?” He knew his tone was cool, distant. He was thinking. Thinking of many things. Some of them were terrible, violent things that would leave this room bathed in blood and likely fulfill the fears he saw in her eyes. Some of them were painful, lonely things. Empty nights and a lonely bed. Erica dead and broken. Erica changed and gone from his life. Erica changed and one of the pard, but no longer his.
“Are you, angry?” He looked again at her, found tears sliding thick and glittering down her pale cheeks.
“Yes. Oh, yes. I am angry.” He sighed and folded himself downward to squat beside the bed so that he met her gaze with a level stare. “But who am I to be angry with, my lovely? Him? You? My mistress? Tell me, my pomme de sang. What is it that you and your leopard lover have done to make my mistress and all of her people from the greatest to the least angry with this one?”
“My leopard lover.” She swallowed hard and crawled carefully over the sleeping man. She was as nude as he suspected and the sight of more bandaged wounds did nothing to soothe his anger. “I guess he is. You should be angry with me, Damian. I asked him to change me. It was my idea. It was even my idea to do it this way. With sex. Because I knew…”
He thought his expression impassive, hiding his emotions. But she saw something in his face that made her halt. He watched her curl herself into a ball, making herself small, but still placing herself between an angry vampire and her unconscious lover. Because he was unconscious. The wereleopard had not stirred, nor reacted in any way. No doubt he was locked in the coma-like sleep of an overtaxed lycanthrope. Easy prey.
Think. Before you act.
“What did you know?” He tried for coaxing, but the best he could muster was a cold impassivity. He watched her shiver and wipe tears away with the back of one hand.
“I knew it would appeal to him. That it would tempt him, maybe enough to make him risk making Anita mad at him.” She sniffed and swiped again, peeling a strand of hair from her cheek. “I thought she would be mad. But Micah…I thought he was going to kill Caleb. I really did.”
“He would be within his rights to do so.”
“Did everyone know but me? Nobody told me that he was…that he used to…I could tell they didn’t like him much. But I didn’t know!”
Damian frowned, trying to follow her explanation. Something was missing. Some detail that she was assuming he knew. “What is it that you didn’t know?”
“You don’t know?”
“I could guess, perhaps. But my mistress does not share every detail about her leopards with me.”
“Micah told me. That before they joined Anita’s pard and were under this crazy Chimera guy. Caleb…That he used to help punish people…” She balked at saying more.
“Ah.” Damian nodded. “I know of Chimera and his methods.”
“He didn’t rape me.” She whispered. “But his fantasy was close enough that everyone was ready to believe it.”
“I see.” He nodded again. His anger was cooling slowly, unable to stand firm in the face of her distress. She was silent now, her body shaking with quiet sobbing. He wanted to touch her, to hold her and wipe the tears away. But was she his to hold any more? Why had she done this? Why? “Tell me, my lovely. Why have you done this thing?”
She closed her eyes for a moment. Then she opened them, meeting his gaze again. There was earnestness, sincerity in her gaze that compelled him. A purely human compulsion, but a compulsion all the same.
“I didn’t want to lose them.”
“Them?” Not himself, but them? A terrible ache grew deep in his chest.
“The pard. The danger was over and Anita wanted me gone. I could keep dating you and maybe Caleb. But the others --Cherry, Zane, Nathaniel - I didn’t want to lose them.”
“Erica, Erica…” He shook his head, his hair slipping down over his shoulders to fall against his cheeks. He brushed it back impatiently.
“No. Really.” Her expression was intent, determined. “I didn’t realize how lonely and empty my life is. Was. I want what they have. This closeness. Like a family. I don’t want to go back to my old life. I wanted to be a part of this life.”
“For the pard? Not for him?”
“No.” Her voice was small and almost childlike. “No. Not for him. I didn’t mean to screw things up so bad for him. I didn’t know and maybe I’d have tried a different way if I had. I don’t know. If they kick him out I’ll go with him. It’s my fault. I won’t leave him alone.”
“And what of me?”
“Do you still want me? Will you still want me if I become a wereleopard?” Her tone was soft, plaintive. As if she thought she knew the answer already.
He sighed, a long, slow expulsion of breath and tension. He dropped his head, letting his hair fall in a crimson curtain about his face. He shook his head, and then raised his gaze again to hers. “It would take a great deal more than that to make me stop wanting you, my lovely.”
“Really?” Her eyes were wide and almost fearful. “You do?”
“Yes. I do.” He reached for her then, gathering her body gently into his arms, lifting her up like a child. “But I am still angry with you and your leopard lover. There are better ways to do these things. Safer ways. Gentler ways.”
“I’m sorry.” Her arms coiled about his neck and clung to him tightly. She pressed her face against his neck, her lips brushing his skin. “I love you.” She breathed, her words for his ears alone. His arms tightened about her.
“And I, you, my lovely. Do not risk yourself like this again.”
“OK.”
Epilogue:
They did heal. Both of them. And at the next full moon, Erica changed for the first time. With the immediate danger over, Erica was moved to a safe house that was equipped with the necessary reinforced room. It would be several months before the pard’s newest member had enough control to be safe during the full moon.
Caleb made good on his promise to take in Shadow. And when Erica was deemed safe enough to leave the security of the safe house, she stayed with him. But most of her nights were spent with Damian. As a leopard, her coat is a tawny gold, her rosettes crisply black. Her beast watches the world through golden-green eyes.
Damian’s nights are no longer quite so lonely. His mortal lover not quite so frail, but no less precious to him. She now had preternatural strength and claws of her own. But her kisses were still just as sweet and her blood even sweeter still.
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter franchise. The world and all its inhabitants belong to Laurell K. Hamilton. I’ve just borrowed her world for my own, and hopefully your, entertainment. I make no money from this work and discourage any attempts to sue me as being fiscally unrewarding.
Warnings: Legal adults only. Graphic sex, violence, adult themes, vampires and lycanthropes. Read at your own risk.
Authors Note: I’d like to thank everyone who has stuck with this story for so long. We’ve finally reached the conclusion of our tale. It has taken quite a bit more telling than I expected and far longer than I care to admit to put the words to screen. I hope you enjoy this final chapter.
Chapter Eleven: Secrets
Morning came and went before Erica awoke to the sound of footsteps on the stair. Light flared, harsh and bright to her eyes as the overhead fixture came to life. She blinked and sat up, clutching the blankets to her chest. Her heart began to pound as her thoughts turned to her visitor.
“Hey, you up?” It was Caleb, dressed as casually as she’d ever seen him in a faded grey tee shirt and a pair of frayed denim shorts. “Been waiting on you.”
“Yeah. I’m up now.” She swallowed hard and pushed the blankets away. She ignored him as she began looking for something to put on. She didn’t hear him descend the rest of the stairs or cross the carpeted floor. His touch on her elbow made her whirl, her hands tangling in the sleeves of a shirt she’d chosen at random.
“You’re not backing out on me, are you?” His eyes were still human-brown, but the look in them wasn’t quite. She stared at him, her mouth refusing to work. He reached out to stroke a finger along her cheek. Her pulse jumped and she fought the urge to back away. “Because you smell like you are.”
“No Caleb. I’m not. Backing out, I mean.”
“Good.” He smiled at her, but it wasn’t a reassuring smile. He ran a hand down her bare arm and she shivered. “I’ve been thinking about this all night.”
“Just let me change and grab a shower.”
“No.” His hand curled around her wrist, his grip like sun-warmed steel. “No shower. Just get dressed. I want to be out of the house before more people show up.”
“OK.” She swallowed hard and pulled away. He spoke again while she was tugging her shirt over her head.
“Besides, I like the way you smell right now.”
That earned him a curious stare. She must reek of sex and sweat and Damian. Caleb’s smile widened into a predatory grin. “Is that a lycanthrope thing or just you?”
“A little of both.” He backed away, giving her room to dress and began to pace restlessly. Erica imagined his beast, a leopard pacing the length of the room, looking for a way out.
“What do we say if someone asks us where we’re going?” Erica asked nervously while she searched for her shoes.
“We’re going for a walk. Going on a picnic. I even packed us a lunch and found us an old blanket to use.”
“A picnic?” She found one shoe half a foot under the bed. She must have kicked it there accidentally. Shadow watched her with gleaming eyes from the gloom beneath the bed. Erica perched on the end to put her shoes on. Tennis shoes, since they would be waking in the woods behind Anita’s house. The idea of Caleb calmly packing a basket full of sandwiches - her mind just spun processing the images.
“Yeah. I’ll be hungry later.” He grinned at her again. “Ready?”
“I guess so.” She rose and nervously wiped her palms on the denim shorts she wore. “Who’s upstairs?”
“Just Cherry and Zane so far. Anita’s out with Micah and Nathaniel.” Caleb’s pacing brought him closer. He reached out and put a hand on each of her shoulders. He kneaded them as he studied her face. “I like the whole fear-scent thing. But if you don’t calm down, we won’t make it out of the house.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll try.” He continued to knead her shoulders for a moment longer. Then he pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her. He squeezed her tightly, just short of crushing. Erica closed her eyes and clung to him, taking in the warmth of his body. Her heart was still pounding. She breathed deeply, trying to slow her pulse.
“You can still change your mind.” He whispered in her ear. “We haven’t done anything yet. We could just go have that picnic.”
“Just go have a picnic?” Her voice sounded small in her own ears. She almost said yes. Almost took the out he was offering her. Almost. “Are you backing out on me, Caleb? I thought you wanted this.” She squeezed him and buried her face in the crook of his neck so that her own breath was hot and most. He let her stay there a moment, then pulled her back.
“Fuck, yes. I want to do this.” He stared into her eyes with an intensity that made her shiver. “But I don’t want you saying that you didn’t want this later.”
“It’s my idea, Caleb. And I’ll tell them that if they ask me.”
“You’d better.” He scowled and shifted his grip until he held her face between his hands. He kissed her hard and almost brutal. So hard that she couldn’t help but struggle a little. He growled deep in his chest and broke the kiss, shoving her away and making her stumble a little. “I should call this off, but I’m stupid.”
“You’re not stupid.”
“Yeah. I am. But I’m going to do it anyway.” He brushed past her and began to climb up the stairs. He didn’t look back. Erica took a shaky breath and looked around her, taking one last look at the chamber she’d been sharing with Damian. One last look, then she started after him. No backing out now.
* * *
The blanket was a faded blue; the edges tattered until it was almost a fringe. The basket was brand new. The wicker was still glossy, the white check of it’s lining almost blinding in the noonday sun. It was warm. Warm enough that sweat trickled down her back, making her tee shirt cling to her skin. Caleb was quiet as they waked together into the trees that grew tall and thick behind Anita’s house.
The silence was heavy and made her nervous. She stole glances at her companion from the corner of her eye. Each time she looked, she caught his eyes on her, dark and intent. Each time their eyes met, her stomach fluttered with anxiety and she hugged the blanket closer to her body as if it were a teddy bear. She doubted she could have eaten the sandwiches Caleb carried if she had to. Of course, she didn’t have to, did she?
“Over here.” He reached out and grabbed her arm, his grip a little tighter than she liked. He steered her through a break in the trees into a small clearing. The ground here was grassy, mostly free of leaves and other debris. The sun broke through the branches in shafts of golden heat that she could actually feel when they passed over her skin. Caleb tugged her into the center of the clearing. He dropped the basked to one side. “Spread the blanket out.”
She hesitated a moment before complying. Caleb moved around restlessly, kicking small stones and branches out of the way. She flipped open the blanket with a snap, spreading it out over the grass. She knelt down on it and started straitening the edges. Her heart was thudding in her chest and her hands shook just a little.
“Erica.” His voice sounded impatient. She looked up to see him already bare from the waist up. Sunlight glinted off the silver at his nipples and navel. His hands held the waistband of his shorts. His shoes already lay discarded at the edge of the blanket. “The blanket is fine.”
“Are you sure no one will come looking for us?”
“They will if you keep stalling.”
“I’m not…” Her voice caught in her throat as he dropped his shorts. His body was smoothly muscled beneath tanned skin. He was already erect, anticipation lending a certain energy to his movements. It was an effort of will to bring her gaze up to his face. Were his eyes growing lighter? She couldn’t tell in the patchwork of sunlight and shadows.
She watched his nostrils flare and could hear the soft intake of his breath. She rose to her feet, swallowing hard and running nervous palms over her shorts to wipe away the sweat. What was she doing?
“I’ve never done anything like this.” Her voice quavered a little and she swallowed again. “Sorry.”
“Don’t worry. I have.” He replied, his voice growing deeper with each syllable. He moved toward her so quickly that she took a step back in reaction. Or at least she tried to. She didn’t get more than a few inches before he was there. The wereleopard yanked her forward, claiming her mouth in a nearly bruising kiss. He pulled at her clothing insistently and she felt several stitches give before he succeeded in sliding her shorts off her hips. She found herself frozen, almost passive in his arms, unable to decide between fear and desire.
His mouth left hers only long enough to yank the t-shirt over her head. She scrambled to remove her bra before he could touch it, afraid he would destroy it in his haste. He began to tug her panties down her hips before she could finish.
“Caleb. Slow down.” She whispered. “You’re scaring me.”
“I want you scared.” His voice had deepened to a low growl and his eyes had bled to golden green leopard’s eyes. Her breath caught and she pulled away. He caught her arms and smiled. “Yeah. Like that.”
“Caleb.” She tugged against him, unable to stop herself. She knew it would excite him even more. Maybe too much. “Caleb?” Her voice rose a little, panic seeping in.
“Hush.” He pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her in an embrace too tight to be called a hug. He nuzzled her neck, lips nibbling at her skin. Teeth nipped gently. He sighed and the nibbling became a trail of kisses. He worked his way up her neck and along her jaw until he reached her mouth. “Hush.”
“All right.” Erica let herself be drawn down to kneel on the blanket. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. Caleb dug his fingers into her hair, wrapping it tight in his grip and pulled her lips to his. The kiss was rough, but she leaned into it, kissing him back. She rested her hands on his arms, steadying herself rather than pushing away.
“That’s better.” He spoke quietly against her lips and kissed her again, lowering his hands to wrap around her hips and draw her into his lap. His voice was almost a growl and it made her shiver. She could feel just how hard he was beneath her. His skin was so hot that it seemed to burn against hers. She loosened her grip on his arms and began to touch him. She caressed the smooth hardness of his chest and shoulders. She drew her hands down the lean contours of his back and cupped his ass in her hands. He groaned at that and she nipped at his shoulder hard enough to make him gasp.
“God, I want to fuck you.” He muttered against the column of her throat.
“OK. Caleb. OK.” She swallowed hard and ducked her head to kiss him. She imagined she tasted something wild and uncontrollable on his lips. Her pulse jumped in response. The kiss grew, deepening as he lowered her to the blanket-covered ground. He followed, covering her body with his. He pressed hard and insistent against her thigh while one hand worked its way between them. His fingers slid between her thighs, seeking. He found her already growing wet, his fingertips playing with the sensitive flesh about her entrance and pinching her clit until she whimpered for him. He swallowed up the little noises she made and moved, sliding first one thigh, then the other between her legs.
He pushed her thighs wide until his hips settled between them, the tip of him nudging at her entrance. He raised himself up so that he could stare down at her with eyes gone green-gold. He shifted his weight, pressing into her with a soft exhalation, his eyes never wavering.
“Last chance to back out.” His hips moved, pulling out and thrusting back in. Erica gasped at the sensation, clutching at his arms. “Do I just fuck you or…”
“No.” She gasped and threw her head back. “No. Let’s do this.”
“You better remember you said that.” He growled and began to thrust in earnest. “Once I start, I’m not stopping.”
“I…understand.” The words were choked as the thrusts grew harder and faster. Hard enough that she felt every twig and pebble beneath the blanket digging into her skin. Hard enough that she knew she would be sore later. So hard that she couldn’t do much more than clutch at his arms and whimper.
The whimpering seemed to excite him even more and his eyes gleamed with a predatory intensity. His lips drew back in a smile that was half-snarl, showing teeth that suddenly seemed too large and sharp to be human. The urge to scream built as he shifted, catching her wrists and pinning them to the ground.
She started to struggle against his grip, unable to stop herself. He growled at her and she closed her eyes, fighting the rising panic. He continued to thrust, fucking her with more violence than she’d ever seen from him. Somehow he seemed to be writhing against her, but his rhythm never faltered. Warmth washed over her in a spill of viscous liquid. The part of him that was piercing her seemed to grow until every thrust felt as if it were splitting her in two.
Her eyes flew open and she found herself staring at a face was no longer human. Pale yellow fur covered his body, dappled with black rosettes, dry except where their bodies touched. It was thinner along his stomach and she could fee the slick heat of his skin there. His features were a mix of feline and human that was just barely recognizable as Caleb. He now held her wrists in a grip that hurt. Hurt enough that she had to turn her head to confirm that she was bleeding.
He shoved harder inside her and she felt almost as if something were tearing. She whimpered louder and struggled against his grip until he growled at her. She froze in his grasp, her eyes wide. He rose up and shifted his grip to her hips, curling limbs that were neither hands nor claws around the cheeks of her ass. Pain lanced through her as he dragged her closer, claws sliding deep into her flesh. She gasped and cried out. He shifted his grip and the claws bit deep again. She opened her mouth to scream.
“Don’t.” He hissed at her, his words distorted by a mouth shaped all wrong for human speech. One furred hand clamped across her mouth. He loomed over her, leaning close enough that his breath was hot on her face. She whimpered behind his palm. “Don’t scream. If they hear us, they’ll stop us.”
He didn’t let her speak, but resumed his thrusting, the new angle just a little less painful. She couldn’t help the small, trapped noises muffled behind his palm. His free hand returned to her hip and again she felt the sharp pain of claws digging into flesh. It was almost enough to make her forget the tearing, burning pain between her legs. Too much, too hard. Tears began to leak from the corners of her eyes.
“God, you smell good.” He rumbled and shifted position so that he could sniff at her face. A scream froze in her throat and she closed her eyes, trying to remember the man and not the monster above her. The hand across her mouth moved away, shifting to her hips again. More pain lancing through her. “Don’t scream. Don’t. I don’t want this to stop.”
“It hurts, Caleb. It hurts.” She whispered while tears rolled down her cheeks. But she reached for the furred body above her. Over. She just wanted it to be over. Her hands shook as she tentatively touched his furred sides. She felt the play of powerful muscles beneath fur that was surprisingly dry and soft. She dug her fingers into the softness until she was raking fingernails along his skin.
Caleb growled and moved faster, thrusts coming quicker and shallower. Erica continued to stroke him, remembering how they had touched each other before. Tried to remember what it was he liked, what would bring him over the edge without his losing control of his beast. She found a human nipple hidden in the sparser fur on his chest and pinched it. He groaned and ground against her.
“Shit. Yeah.” He responded, his rhythm shifting again. He lowered himself so that their chests were pressed together, his face buried in her hair. He wrapped his arms around her, claws digging into her shoulders. She sobbed quietly, but she held onto him, fingers lost in the fur on his back. She could feel the smooth ebb and flow of muscle as he drove himself into her again and again.
Details began to fade, leaving only a haze of pain, fear and confusion. The sunlight filtering through the leaves made mesmerizing patterns above her. She was only distantly aware when he finished, half collapsing over her as his body spent itself. She had no idea how long it was before he moved. It was even longer before she realized he was speaking.
“Erica. Hey, Erica, you with me?” The words were thick and growling. But the voice was Caleb’s. “Erica?”
“Caleb? I…” She tried to sit up and the whole world lurched. Before the world could right itself again, the forest around them exploded with motion and noise. A vaguely man-shaped shadow crossed the clearing, too fast for her to follow. It slammed into the wereleopard’s body, snarling.
“Never again.” Belatedly, she realized the snarling was words. “Never, Caleb!”
“Wait! Micah! It’s not what it looks like!”
“Oh my God! Erica!” Cherry was just there, leaning over her, her gray eyes wide and surprised. Beyond her shoulder, she could see the two furred forms rolling over the ground. As she watched the black figure rose to its feet, lifted Caleb’s cat form by the arms and threw him into a tree. The impact was a dull thud and the tree shook, dropping leaves and small branches.
“Don’t move. You’re bleeding.” Cherry’s voice was like a buzz in her ears. She was aware of others crowding around her in the clearing, but her eyes were all for the fight taking place mere yards away.
“I should kill you.” The black cat-man snarled and struck with blinding speed. Caleb wasn’t truly fighting; he held his furred arms in front of him in a futile attempt to ward off the blows. Erica caught a flash of crimson before Cherry’s face loomed before her, blocking the view.
“How badly are you hurt?”
“I can’t…” Erica shook her head and tried again to sit up. The sounds from across the clearing frightened her.
“It’s not what it looks like, Micah. I swear.”
“Caleb?” She tried to push Cherry away, but it did no good. She only succeeded in catching a glimpse of the darker leopard man, his face an alien mask. “Don’t hurt him, please!”
“Get her out of here. Now.” She had a hard time reconciling the spitting fury she heard with the soft-spoken Micah.
“Come on, Erica.” Cherry scooped her up like a child, ignoring her feeble attempt to prevent it. As the other woman stood, her head began to spin and she lost track of the combatants. Faces swam around her, some angry, others frightened.
“Wait!” She protested and tried to orient herself, but Cherry took off in a jog that threatened to bounce her head right off her shoulders. “Put me down.”
“No.” Cherry muttered. “No. I can’t.”
“But, Caleb…”
“Here, let me take her.” Zane was there, reaching out to take her from Cherry’s arms. He took only a moment to settle her against his chest. Then he took off in a loping run that carried her away from the fight. Zane’s pace was faster and the trees seemed to fly past them. The effect was dizzying and she gulped hard against the rising nausea.
“Stop. Please stop.” She pleaded. “I’m going to be sick.” Zane finally halted and lowered her to the grass. They had left the trees and were now within a few feet of Anita’s back deck. He helped her rise to her hands and knees. Her gorge rose and her body shook with the violence of her retching. The sour smell filled the air. Cherry caught up with them, dropping to the ground next to her and lending a supporting hand.
“Oh God. It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault.” Erica spat weakly and tried to rise. The world tilted like some carnival ride and she crumpled. The wereleopards caught her, but by then she was unconscious.
* * *
Angry voices buzzed around her and she felt as if she were wrapped in cotton. A dozen hurts made themselves known as she shifted restlessly. It was too bright. The light seemed to pierce right through her skull when she tried to open her eyes.
“The damage is done. I don’t see any point in killing him.” The voice was oddly familiar. “Of course, it is your pard.”
“I should have put a bullet in him months ago.” That voice she knew and it frightened her. Put a bullet in who? There was something wrong with her. It was hard to think. “Micah…”
“He’ll heal.” The voice was curt, but human again. Again?
“And so will she.” A hand touched her wrist, taking her pulse. “How long that will take depends on whether or not he was successful.”
“Successful!” Anita. The voice belonged to Anita. “Successful! What do you mean successful?”
“What do you think happened here?”
“He attacked her.” Anita’s tone was firm.
“Caleb has a history.” Micah sounded tired. “But, I promised my people a new start. If they could control themselves.”
“A history?” More touches on her skin. The touches were gentle, almost soothing and Erica wondered if the woman - Dr. Lillian she thought - knew she was awake. Sense was beginning to return to her, along with the pain of at least a dozen injuries. “What sort of history?”
“It’s up to you, Micah.” Anita’s voice was still half-angry. “I wasn’t there.”
“If you had been…” He sounded tired and wistful. “But that was before we came to Saint Louis.”
“Ah. When you were still with Chimera.”
“Yes.” She felt a presence draw closer and it was hard not to react. There was a new touch on the back of one hand. “She’s waking up.”
“Yes. But she still has quite a bit of painkillers in her system.”
“Erica? Are you awake?” The hand wrapped around hers, rough and warm. And human. That was enough of a surprise that she opened her eyes. She had expected it to be furry.
She opened her mouth to speak, but found her mouth so dry that no words came out. Anticipating this, the doctor held out a glass with a straw without being asked. Erica sat up with Micah’s assistance, wincing when her wounds protested the motion.
They waited quietly while she took a few careful sips of water. She still felt fuzzy as if she were in the middle of a dream. When she thought she could speak, she asked the first question that popped into her head. “Where is Caleb?”
“He’s resting.” The doctor took the glass from her. “Sleeping off the change.”
“What happened, Erica?” The man’s voice was soft, no trace of the fury she remembered. She tried to reconcile the calm, sympathetic, very human expression on the man’s face with her last memories. She had a heavy, frightening feeling that she had missed something. Had been missing something all along.
“What did you mean that Caleb has a history?” His hand tightened on hers briefly and his eyes flicked to where Anita leaned against the wall. It was only then that she realized she was somewhere unfamiliar. Anita’s bedroom, maybe? It was definitely a home and not a hospital.
“Tell us what happened first.” The dark-haired woman pushed away from the wall and moved closer. “What happened out there?”
Strangely, Anita’s quiet questions were more frightening than the touch of the man beside her. Even after seeing him in his furry form, dangerous and violent.
“We’re in trouble, aren’t we?” She swallowed hard and squeezed at his hand.
“We?” Anita asked.
“It’s my fault. I talked him into it.” Panic spilled over her and words tumbled out in a flood. “I told him I wanted to be like him. I wanted to be a…wereleopard.” She focused her eyes on Micah’s, on the strange yellow-green of his eyes. Anything but the angry black depths of Anita’s eyes. “I knew he wanted…I told him we could…It was a fantasy of his. I said I would if he would…do it.”
Her heart was racing, pounding as if it would fly out of her chest. Her hands felt cold except where Micah’s warm fingers held hers. There was some expression in his eyes that she couldn’t read. But she couldn’t look away. She couldn’t bring herself to meet Anita’s angry stare. She could almost feel it like a storm cloud, black and heavy, ready to pour down in elemental fury.
“I just wanted to be…a…part.” She whispered and clung to Micah’s fingers.
“Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.” Anita swore. “This is all my fault. I should never have let Damian keep her here.”
“Anita.” Lillian’s voice was soothing. “I don’t think this is helping my patient. She’s had quite a series of shocks in a short time. I think perhaps you should let her get some rest.”
“Rest.” Anita growled and Erica risked a glance at her. She was scowling, but she was moving toward the open doorway. “Yeah. She can rest.”
“Anita.” Micah’s voice was quiet, almost gentle.
“I won’t kill him.” She paused with the doorknob in her hand. “This time. But no promises after that.”
“Of course not.” Micah began to follow her, but Erica clung to his hand.
“You really thought Caleb attacked me?”
“This should wait until you’re feeling better.” He started to disentangle his fingers from hers. The care he took sent a pang through her and she suddenly had a name for the expression in his eyes. Guilt. It was guilt. Why?
“No. Micah, please. I’m tired of feeling like I’m missing something.” A flash of her own guilt surfaced but she pushed on. “Maybe if someone had told me. Whatever it is.”
“Maybe.” Micah ran his free hand through the loose mass of curls that tumbled over his shoulders. “You’ve only seen this pard and how Anita and I run things. There are things we would never do. Never ask our people to do.”
“I don’t understand.”
“We were once two separate groups. My group - Anita helped us escape the control of a…monster. His name was Chimera. He was insane and sadistic. He used torture and rape to control his people. He was cruel to those who defied him, but some seemed to enjoy following his orders. Caleb…”
He paused and his strange, yellow-green eyes studied her face. “Many of us were forced to do things we didn’t want to do. Terrible things, Erica. People we cared about were used against us when threats and torture weren’t enough. We don’t talk about it.”
“But you think Caleb liked doing it?” The idea made her guts twist until she felt queasy.
“I think he enjoyed at least some of it. He was young when Chimera took control of our pard.”
“He didn’t rape me.” Erica whispered. “He didn’t.”
“OK.” He squeezed her hand one more time. “Rest now.”
“But where is he?”
“We put him in the guest bedroom.”
“Are you going to punish him?”
“I don’t know yet.” He brushed her hand away and motioned for her to lie back down. “Rest.”
* * *
Something has happened.
The thought held the same inarguable certainty as the knowledge that the sun had slipped below the horizon. Damian rose to a darkened room. A disquiet filtered from somewhere out of sight. His mistress was disturbed, her emotions too complex and too erratic to make sense of. Nathaniel was there, too. His emotions though fainter, were simpler to read. Worry and guilt.
He climbed from his coffin and reached for a light. Some almost-forgotten part of him needed the reassurance. Needed to see the shadows pushed back into their customary hiding places.
He stood a moment in the circle of artificial light, listening to the house and it’s inhabitants. The little cat was sleeping on the sofa, her breathing a soft shushing of air. The faint sounds of people moving about and the muffled tone of voices wafted from above.
He frowned. This was one of the parts of being what he was that he found most disturbing. So many things could happen while he was sealed away in his coffin for the day. If he wished to know, there was no other choice but to go above. And in any case, he would need to feed and there were no donors waiting for him here.
Where was his pomme de sang? That thought brought an increase to the disquiet he felt. He climbed the stairs, padding on bare feet, his steps almost soundless. The house above seemed overly full of nervous wereleopards. They sat in twos and threes in the living room, their voices soft and strained. He looked among them for his Erica and did not find her. The wereleopards avoided his gaze and that made the disquiet grow even more.
He ignored them, seeking out his mistress. Anita was a boiling knot of tension in the kitchen. Nathaniel was dancing attendance with freshly made coffee. Micah sat like a stone in the midst of a stream, sipping his own mug of coffee. His gaze flicked up to meet Damian’s as the vampire entered but he didn’t speak.
“What has happened?” He glided across the tiled floor toward his mistress. Nathaniel slid aside, leaving him enough space to lean a hip against the counter and lay one pale hand on Anita’s arm. He stroked it soothingly, an automatic gesture. She didn’t respond immediately. She and Micah exchanged glances. Micah shrugged, but Damian could see tension in the way the Nimir-Raj’s fingers tightened around the mug.
“Did you know what they were planning to do?” Anita’s question caught him off guard.
“I do not know what you mean. Who do you mean?”
“Caleb and Erica.” The arm beneath his hand fairly vibrated with tension.
“What have they done?” His own tension notched upward even as he continued his attempts to soothe his mistress.
“She insists that it was her idea. But I can’t believe she knew what she was asking for. If she asked for it.”
“Anita…” Micah’s voice was soft, placating.
“I said I wouldn’t kill him.” Anita raised her mug to her lips and took a long swallow. The liquid was thick and pale with cream and smelled bittersweet. “I said nothing about keeping Damian from killing him.”
“Where is she?” He stopped his stroking, instead balling his hand into a fist. “If he has hurt her, I will kill him.”
“Damian.” Nathaniel’s touch on his wrist was gentle but firm. A sense of peace radiated from the touch, not the peace of emotion controlled by iron will, but the peace of acceptance. “Think before you act. Think.”
He glared at the wereleopard, but Nathaniel didn’t flinch away. “Where is she?”
“She’s with him. She ignored Dr. Lillian’s and Micah’s orders and dragged herself upstairs.” Anita’s tone was flat and emotionless. “Lillian says she’ll heal. And so will he.”
“Upstairs.” Damian pulled his arm from Nathaniel’s grip and turned away. His thoughts were already elsewhere. Upstairs. His feet carried him through the living room, past the waiting wereleopards and up the stairs before he was truly aware that he had made a decision. He stopped, his hand curled around the doorknob.
Think. Think before you act. Nathaniel’s words repeated themselves in his mind, a singsong chant that echoed down the marks that bound them both to Anita. He drew in a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh. He reached for that inhuman calm and patience that his mistress so valued in him. Think before you act. He turned the knob slowly. He found it unlocked and swung the door open.
He looked down at them. She lay curled about him, her front pressed against his back, her arm around his waist. The blankets covered much. Of what he could see, it looked like Caleb wore nothing beneath the blankets, not even bandages. His flesh showed the marks of claws and heavy bruising. Erica wore only bandages, her bare skin pressed against the wereleopard’s. Blood spotted a few of the bandages where the blankets had slipped, baring one hip and upper thigh.
Think. He thought they had both been sleeping, but Erica’s green eyes were open and staring. Her arm tightened convulsively about Caleb’s waist. He could smell the wounds, smell the blood and the scent of sex mingled.
“Please don’t kill him.” She released Caleb, drawing away and sitting up, her movements stiff and painful. “Please, Damian.”
Think. Before you act.
Alone. A wounded wereleopard left alone with no one but a human to curl about him and lend her warmth to his healing. Lycanthropes stuck together, slept together, not just for closeness, but also for healing. The house was filled with lycanthropes, but only Erica was in this room. It meant something.
“Damian?” Her tone was becoming more and more anxious. He stepped further into the room, drawing the door closed behind him. The sound of the latch seemed loud in the comparative silence. “Say something. Please.”
Think.
“What would you have me say?” He knew his tone was cool, distant. He was thinking. Thinking of many things. Some of them were terrible, violent things that would leave this room bathed in blood and likely fulfill the fears he saw in her eyes. Some of them were painful, lonely things. Empty nights and a lonely bed. Erica dead and broken. Erica changed and gone from his life. Erica changed and one of the pard, but no longer his.
“Are you, angry?” He looked again at her, found tears sliding thick and glittering down her pale cheeks.
“Yes. Oh, yes. I am angry.” He sighed and folded himself downward to squat beside the bed so that he met her gaze with a level stare. “But who am I to be angry with, my lovely? Him? You? My mistress? Tell me, my pomme de sang. What is it that you and your leopard lover have done to make my mistress and all of her people from the greatest to the least angry with this one?”
“My leopard lover.” She swallowed hard and crawled carefully over the sleeping man. She was as nude as he suspected and the sight of more bandaged wounds did nothing to soothe his anger. “I guess he is. You should be angry with me, Damian. I asked him to change me. It was my idea. It was even my idea to do it this way. With sex. Because I knew…”
He thought his expression impassive, hiding his emotions. But she saw something in his face that made her halt. He watched her curl herself into a ball, making herself small, but still placing herself between an angry vampire and her unconscious lover. Because he was unconscious. The wereleopard had not stirred, nor reacted in any way. No doubt he was locked in the coma-like sleep of an overtaxed lycanthrope. Easy prey.
Think. Before you act.
“What did you know?” He tried for coaxing, but the best he could muster was a cold impassivity. He watched her shiver and wipe tears away with the back of one hand.
“I knew it would appeal to him. That it would tempt him, maybe enough to make him risk making Anita mad at him.” She sniffed and swiped again, peeling a strand of hair from her cheek. “I thought she would be mad. But Micah…I thought he was going to kill Caleb. I really did.”
“He would be within his rights to do so.”
“Did everyone know but me? Nobody told me that he was…that he used to…I could tell they didn’t like him much. But I didn’t know!”
Damian frowned, trying to follow her explanation. Something was missing. Some detail that she was assuming he knew. “What is it that you didn’t know?”
“You don’t know?”
“I could guess, perhaps. But my mistress does not share every detail about her leopards with me.”
“Micah told me. That before they joined Anita’s pard and were under this crazy Chimera guy. Caleb…That he used to help punish people…” She balked at saying more.
“Ah.” Damian nodded. “I know of Chimera and his methods.”
“He didn’t rape me.” She whispered. “But his fantasy was close enough that everyone was ready to believe it.”
“I see.” He nodded again. His anger was cooling slowly, unable to stand firm in the face of her distress. She was silent now, her body shaking with quiet sobbing. He wanted to touch her, to hold her and wipe the tears away. But was she his to hold any more? Why had she done this? Why? “Tell me, my lovely. Why have you done this thing?”
She closed her eyes for a moment. Then she opened them, meeting his gaze again. There was earnestness, sincerity in her gaze that compelled him. A purely human compulsion, but a compulsion all the same.
“I didn’t want to lose them.”
“Them?” Not himself, but them? A terrible ache grew deep in his chest.
“The pard. The danger was over and Anita wanted me gone. I could keep dating you and maybe Caleb. But the others --Cherry, Zane, Nathaniel - I didn’t want to lose them.”
“Erica, Erica…” He shook his head, his hair slipping down over his shoulders to fall against his cheeks. He brushed it back impatiently.
“No. Really.” Her expression was intent, determined. “I didn’t realize how lonely and empty my life is. Was. I want what they have. This closeness. Like a family. I don’t want to go back to my old life. I wanted to be a part of this life.”
“For the pard? Not for him?”
“No.” Her voice was small and almost childlike. “No. Not for him. I didn’t mean to screw things up so bad for him. I didn’t know and maybe I’d have tried a different way if I had. I don’t know. If they kick him out I’ll go with him. It’s my fault. I won’t leave him alone.”
“And what of me?”
“Do you still want me? Will you still want me if I become a wereleopard?” Her tone was soft, plaintive. As if she thought she knew the answer already.
He sighed, a long, slow expulsion of breath and tension. He dropped his head, letting his hair fall in a crimson curtain about his face. He shook his head, and then raised his gaze again to hers. “It would take a great deal more than that to make me stop wanting you, my lovely.”
“Really?” Her eyes were wide and almost fearful. “You do?”
“Yes. I do.” He reached for her then, gathering her body gently into his arms, lifting her up like a child. “But I am still angry with you and your leopard lover. There are better ways to do these things. Safer ways. Gentler ways.”
“I’m sorry.” Her arms coiled about his neck and clung to him tightly. She pressed her face against his neck, her lips brushing his skin. “I love you.” She breathed, her words for his ears alone. His arms tightened about her.
“And I, you, my lovely. Do not risk yourself like this again.”
“OK.”
Epilogue:
They did heal. Both of them. And at the next full moon, Erica changed for the first time. With the immediate danger over, Erica was moved to a safe house that was equipped with the necessary reinforced room. It would be several months before the pard’s newest member had enough control to be safe during the full moon.
Caleb made good on his promise to take in Shadow. And when Erica was deemed safe enough to leave the security of the safe house, she stayed with him. But most of her nights were spent with Damian. As a leopard, her coat is a tawny gold, her rosettes crisply black. Her beast watches the world through golden-green eyes.
Damian’s nights are no longer quite so lonely. His mortal lover not quite so frail, but no less precious to him. She now had preternatural strength and claws of her own. But her kisses were still just as sweet and her blood even sweeter still.