LOLOLOL LET'S WAKE UP @ DA CRACK OF DAWN 2 GO 2 GARAGE SALE NAO
Today has NOT been a happy day for meh. D<
So because I slept over Larissa's house, I was exhaaaaausted when I went to bed last night. I fell asleep a bit after 3 at Larissa's, which isn't THAT bad because usually we fall asleep at 4 AM or something crazy like that, but then I didn't get much sleep because I could never sleep that well when it's not my bed, so I was just really excited to be home and get a good night's sleep and maybe even sleep late in the morning. So what happens? My mom wakes me up at 9:45, huuuuge smile on her face telling me that I need to get up for get this; A FUCKING GARAGE SALE. Granted, I know that isn't THAT early, but when you're exhausted sleeping until 11:00 or 11:30 sounds lovely. :/ I told her that I just wanted to sleep in and I didn't even want to go but did she care? Of course not! She never lets me sleep in, she thinks sleep is the fucking taboo or something, I swear. But you would think that she'd understand that I was tired over sleeping over my friend's house and that she'd let me relax this morning. Once again, of course not!! Everyone's so fucking selfish. No one respects what I want. :/ So here I was, dragged from garage sale to garage sale in the blazing heat, a migrane forming, and my stomach growling like crazy because I was STARVING. The only good I got out of it was that I bought The Wizard of Oz for a dollar which made me happy because I love that movie so much, but I never had a legit copy of it. I have a recorded version of it that skips a teeeeny part in the beginning and spazzes in certain parts because we pressed stop whenever the commercials came on. But no matter how much I love The Wizard of Oz, I don't see how waking up at that time was even worth it. >[ I wanted to sleep!! Now I'm exhausted and cranky and my leg muscles hurt as they always do whenever I don't get enough sleep. UGHHH I'M NOT HAPPY.
Then I was pretty ticked off anyway because I can't go to Lexie's graduation party today. I told my mom about it a loooong time ago, but she forgot and then I felt too bad to ask her again. :/ She was somewhat guilt tripping me yesterday by saying that she misses me when I go out, and that I've been going out a lot lately, and that I haven't been spending any time with her lately... All of that is complete bull shit, though, because the last person I hung out with besides Larissa was Nick and that was TWO weeks ago for a few hours at the mall and I was back in time for dinner. Then we were on vacation all week long and I'm pretty sure that counts as spending time with one another especially because I was sharing a damn bed with her all week. And okay...so I've been hiding up in my room this week, but that's only because I want to avoid my dad and she usually understands that. Basically I have done ONE thing in a matter of two weeks. I'm an eighteen year old girl, I should be going out every night!! I never go out because I'm just not like that and she complains when I do. But at the same time, she also complains when I don't so WHAT THE FUCK DOES SHE WANT FROM ME!? She needs to get over herself... I'm not going to live here forever. Eventually I'm going to move out, what is she going to do then? I really need to have my own life, especially when I really don't ask to do much. What would she do if I was a NORMAL eighteen year old that wanted to party and drink and go out and what have you? But whatever. I decided to be nice and just not ask about Lexie's so she wouldn't complain anymore. Plus I am pretty tired so it's nice to relax... Even though I miss my friends fucking horribly. :/ I haven't seen any of them or spoken to any of them besides Larissa, Kevin L. and Nick, and I'm convinced that they're all going to forget about me because I could never show my face around them. :/ I told Lexie yesterday that I couldn't go and I felt terrible because she was upset. She said that I was one of the people she was really excited about seeing which kiiiilled me. Not that I actually believed her, because of my many issues, but it still killed me. I feel so bad. And I hate knowing that everyone's having a great time and I'm not there. To tell you the truth I never feel like I could be actually missed. :/ I feel like I'm never anyone's favorite person no matter what they say or what I do. I dunno. I guess that makes me feel worse about not going today.
All I know is I need to change my attitude a bit. I'm so ridiculously selfless. I honestly never do things for myself. I HATE being the center of attention, and I hate asking for things or doing things my way or recieving anything, but it would be a nice change if things were about me for once. :/ I always try to make everyone else happy and do things in accordence to that. I never say "hey! This would be good for ME." and go for that because I'm so scared of making people angry or upset or disappointed, and I guess I just don't want to argue or have to explain myself. But really, I'm so patheticccc. It's even with the simpliest things too. I won't even say what I want to roleplay because I'm scared that the other person will just go along with it to make me happy and they won't really like it. I just pretend to love whatever idea is thrown at me so the other person could be happy. Then it's with emotions too~ I never actually SAY when I'm upset, but when I do I'm basically alone or just no one cares. They either say nothing and ignore it, or ask because they're nosey and then don't do anything to help. But yet when I find out that ANY of my friends are even the tiniest bit sad, I listen to every single thing they have to say and do whatever I can to be useful. Hell, just last week I was fucking babying my one friend who cut herself over not being able to go to the Jonas Brothers concert. THE JONAS BROTHERS. I hate how the whole world is selfish. Not that I would really be all for it if things WERE all about me, because I'd feel too guilty, but it would be nice. :/ Just one day have people actually cater to me and make me feel like I really mean something. Bah.
Every single entry I've done here so far has been complaining. xDDD;; I guess it's because I haven't been writing and I never tell people how I feel, so every emo thought I have just stayed bottled up inside. Now that I'm blogging again, every single emo thought is going "BOOM!! LETTME CRY NAO PLZZZZ!111" xD; It's actually a good thing that I'm alone on this site right now because I don't feel bad about posting these kinds of entries. :] I'm really not spamming up anyone's friend's list with emo thoughts since no one is reading my LJ, so there's no reason for me to feel guilty. Maybbe having a newfag friend's list on here isn't so bad after all! :D
I'm gonna look at some Kradam and then watch The Wizard of Oz. Maybe then I'll feel better. :< Baaaah, today's just not a good day.
So because I slept over Larissa's house, I was exhaaaaausted when I went to bed last night. I fell asleep a bit after 3 at Larissa's, which isn't THAT bad because usually we fall asleep at 4 AM or something crazy like that, but then I didn't get much sleep because I could never sleep that well when it's not my bed, so I was just really excited to be home and get a good night's sleep and maybe even sleep late in the morning. So what happens? My mom wakes me up at 9:45, huuuuge smile on her face telling me that I need to get up for get this; A FUCKING GARAGE SALE. Granted, I know that isn't THAT early, but when you're exhausted sleeping until 11:00 or 11:30 sounds lovely. :/ I told her that I just wanted to sleep in and I didn't even want to go but did she care? Of course not! She never lets me sleep in, she thinks sleep is the fucking taboo or something, I swear. But you would think that she'd understand that I was tired over sleeping over my friend's house and that she'd let me relax this morning. Once again, of course not!! Everyone's so fucking selfish. No one respects what I want. :/ So here I was, dragged from garage sale to garage sale in the blazing heat, a migrane forming, and my stomach growling like crazy because I was STARVING. The only good I got out of it was that I bought The Wizard of Oz for a dollar which made me happy because I love that movie so much, but I never had a legit copy of it. I have a recorded version of it that skips a teeeeny part in the beginning and spazzes in certain parts because we pressed stop whenever the commercials came on. But no matter how much I love The Wizard of Oz, I don't see how waking up at that time was even worth it. >[ I wanted to sleep!! Now I'm exhausted and cranky and my leg muscles hurt as they always do whenever I don't get enough sleep. UGHHH I'M NOT HAPPY.
Then I was pretty ticked off anyway because I can't go to Lexie's graduation party today. I told my mom about it a loooong time ago, but she forgot and then I felt too bad to ask her again. :/ She was somewhat guilt tripping me yesterday by saying that she misses me when I go out, and that I've been going out a lot lately, and that I haven't been spending any time with her lately... All of that is complete bull shit, though, because the last person I hung out with besides Larissa was Nick and that was TWO weeks ago for a few hours at the mall and I was back in time for dinner. Then we were on vacation all week long and I'm pretty sure that counts as spending time with one another especially because I was sharing a damn bed with her all week. And okay...so I've been hiding up in my room this week, but that's only because I want to avoid my dad and she usually understands that. Basically I have done ONE thing in a matter of two weeks. I'm an eighteen year old girl, I should be going out every night!! I never go out because I'm just not like that and she complains when I do. But at the same time, she also complains when I don't so WHAT THE FUCK DOES SHE WANT FROM ME!? She needs to get over herself... I'm not going to live here forever. Eventually I'm going to move out, what is she going to do then? I really need to have my own life, especially when I really don't ask to do much. What would she do if I was a NORMAL eighteen year old that wanted to party and drink and go out and what have you? But whatever. I decided to be nice and just not ask about Lexie's so she wouldn't complain anymore. Plus I am pretty tired so it's nice to relax... Even though I miss my friends fucking horribly. :/ I haven't seen any of them or spoken to any of them besides Larissa, Kevin L. and Nick, and I'm convinced that they're all going to forget about me because I could never show my face around them. :/ I told Lexie yesterday that I couldn't go and I felt terrible because she was upset. She said that I was one of the people she was really excited about seeing which kiiiilled me. Not that I actually believed her, because of my many issues, but it still killed me. I feel so bad. And I hate knowing that everyone's having a great time and I'm not there. To tell you the truth I never feel like I could be actually missed. :/ I feel like I'm never anyone's favorite person no matter what they say or what I do. I dunno. I guess that makes me feel worse about not going today.
All I know is I need to change my attitude a bit. I'm so ridiculously selfless. I honestly never do things for myself. I HATE being the center of attention, and I hate asking for things or doing things my way or recieving anything, but it would be a nice change if things were about me for once. :/ I always try to make everyone else happy and do things in accordence to that. I never say "hey! This would be good for ME." and go for that because I'm so scared of making people angry or upset or disappointed, and I guess I just don't want to argue or have to explain myself. But really, I'm so patheticccc. It's even with the simpliest things too. I won't even say what I want to roleplay because I'm scared that the other person will just go along with it to make me happy and they won't really like it. I just pretend to love whatever idea is thrown at me so the other person could be happy. Then it's with emotions too~ I never actually SAY when I'm upset, but when I do I'm basically alone or just no one cares. They either say nothing and ignore it, or ask because they're nosey and then don't do anything to help. But yet when I find out that ANY of my friends are even the tiniest bit sad, I listen to every single thing they have to say and do whatever I can to be useful. Hell, just last week I was fucking babying my one friend who cut herself over not being able to go to the Jonas Brothers concert. THE JONAS BROTHERS. I hate how the whole world is selfish. Not that I would really be all for it if things WERE all about me, because I'd feel too guilty, but it would be nice. :/ Just one day have people actually cater to me and make me feel like I really mean something. Bah.
Every single entry I've done here so far has been complaining. xDDD;; I guess it's because I haven't been writing and I never tell people how I feel, so every emo thought I have just stayed bottled up inside. Now that I'm blogging again, every single emo thought is going "BOOM!! LETTME CRY NAO PLZZZZ!111" xD; It's actually a good thing that I'm alone on this site right now because I don't feel bad about posting these kinds of entries. :] I'm really not spamming up anyone's friend's list with emo thoughts since no one is reading my LJ, so there's no reason for me to feel guilty. Maybbe having a newfag friend's list on here isn't so bad after all! :D
I'm gonna look at some Kradam and then watch The Wizard of Oz. Maybe then I'll feel better. :< Baaaah, today's just not a good day.