This is to funny!!!
Subject: FW: oath of enlistment
US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of
my life to the
UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack
it in the
Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I
am afraid of
water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk.
I also swear
not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to
defend our bike-
riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to
walk around
calling everyone by their first name because I find it
amusing to
annoy the other services.
I will have a better quality of life than those around
me and will,
at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact.
After
completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean,
mean, donut-eating,
Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes,
Chair-borne Ranger.
I will believe I am superior to all others and will
make an effort to
clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the
back. I will
annoy those around me, and will go home early every
day. So Help Me
God!"
____________________
Signature
____________________
Date
US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre
life to the
UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high
enough on the ASVAB
to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for
the Marines, and
the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will
wear camouflage
every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I
can't figure
out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my
uniform 24 hours
a day even when I have a date.
I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce
killing machine
because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the
fact that the
only action I will see is a court-martial for sexual
harassment. I
acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first
year of
service, and vow to maintain that it is because I
scored perfect on
my PT test. After completion of my
Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic
Training," I will attend a different Army school every
other month
and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my
first trip
home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am
cool and propose
to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay
home because if
I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking
Air Force guy.
Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to
take her back.
While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge
while getting
absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to
work every day at
1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at
1300 to report
back to "COMPANY."
I understand that I will undergo no training
whatsoever that will
help me get a job upon separation, and will end up
working
construction with my friends from high school. I will
brag to
everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college,
but will be
unable to use it because I can't pass a placement
exam. So Help Me
God!"
_____________________
Signature
_____________________
Date
US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign
away 4 years
of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want
to hang out with
Marines without actually having to BE one of them,
because I thought
the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't
want to actually
live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought,
"Hey, I like to
swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that
went out of style
in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of
every pair of
pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken
for the Good
Humor Man during summer, and for Nazi Waffen SS during
the winter.
I will strive to use a different language than the
rest of the
English-speaking world, using words like "deck,
bulkhead, cover,
geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really
mean "floor,
wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and
toilet."
I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy
acronyms, rank, and
insignia, and everything else for that matter, are
completely
different from the other services and make absolutely
no sense
whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700
every morning
unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case
I will show up
around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling
skills to the
point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed
around in a
typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to
being promoted and
subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I
realize that,
once selected for Chief, I am required to submit
myself to the sick,
and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound
"colleagues." So
Help Me Neptune!"
______________________
Signature
______________________
Date
US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (pick a name the police won't recognize),
swear..uhhhh....high-
and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill....
fix bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....
blowup....ugh...Air Force women....beer.....
sailors wives.....air strikes....
yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....
Ooorah Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH!
So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"
X____________________
Thumb Print
XX _________________________________
Teeth Marks
_____________________
Date
US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of
my life to the
UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack
it in the
Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I
am afraid of
water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk.
I also swear
not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to
defend our bike-
riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to
walk around
calling everyone by their first name because I find it
amusing to
annoy the other services.
I will have a better quality of life than those around
me and will,
at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact.
After
completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean,
mean, donut-eating,
Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes,
Chair-borne Ranger.
I will believe I am superior to all others and will
make an effort to
clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the
back. I will
annoy those around me, and will go home early every
day. So Help Me
God!"
____________________
Signature
____________________
Date
US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre
life to the
UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high
enough on the ASVAB
to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for
the Marines, and
the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will
wear camouflage
every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I
can't figure
out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my
uniform 24 hours
a day even when I have a date.
I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce
killing machine
because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the
fact that the
only action I will see is a court-martial for sexual
harassment. I
acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first
year of
service, and vow to maintain that it is because I
scored perfect on
my PT test. After completion of my
Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic
Training," I will attend a different Army school every
other month
and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my
first trip
home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am
cool and propose
to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay
home because if
I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking
Air Force guy.
Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to
take her back.
While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge
while getting
absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to
work every day at
1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at
1300 to report
back to "COMPANY."
I understand that I will undergo no training
whatsoever that will
help me get a job upon separation, and will end up
working
construction with my friends from high school. I will
brag to
everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college,
but will be
unable to use it because I can't pass a placement
exam. So Help Me
God!"
_____________________
Signature
_____________________
Date
US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign
away 4 years
of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want
to hang out with
Marines without actually having to BE one of them,
because I thought
the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't
want to actually
live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought,
"Hey, I like to
swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that
went out of style
in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of
every pair of
pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken
for the Good
Humor Man during summer, and for Nazi Waffen SS during
the winter.
I will strive to use a different language than the
rest of the
English-speaking world, using words like "deck,
bulkhead, cover,
geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really
mean "floor,
wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and
toilet."
I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy
acronyms, rank, and
insignia, and everything else for that matter, are
completely
different from the other services and make absolutely
no sense
whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700
every morning
unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case
I will show up
around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling
skills to the
point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed
around in a
typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to
being promoted and
subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I
realize that,
once selected for Chief, I am required to submit
myself to the sick,
and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound
"colleagues." So
Help Me Neptune!"
______________________
Signature
______________________
Date
US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (pick a name the police won't recognize),
swear..uhhhh....high-
and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill....
fix bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....
blowup....ugh...Air Force women....beer.....
sailors wives.....air strikes....
yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....
Ooorah Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH!
So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"
X____________________
Thumb Print
XX _________________________________
Teeth Marks
_____________________
Date