Desire and weakness and fear. Oh my!
As some of you know, I am a regular reader of Rob Breszny's Free Will Astrology column. I find his weekly 'scopes a kind of hippie, poetic meditation. Ponderings, whether you choose to align them with the stars or simply use them as therapeutic points of contemplation.
Taurus this week reads:
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
You're very familiar with the inexhaustible longings that you harbor in your depths. Your primal hungers for love and connection are never far from your awareness. But the sad thing is that you often regard this as a problem -- as a vulnerability that disempowers you. This Valentine season I'm asking you to change all that. I'm urging you to see your enormous yearnings as strengths . . . to celebrate them as essential fuel for your vitality . . . to treat them as crucial ingredients in your lust for life. Take it from someone who has seen too many people crippled by their lack of passion: You're lucky to be so well-endowed with desire.
While I could certainly choose to relate this to my love life (and may well do so in private), I am in this entry actually relating it to my career. Because in my last entry, the biggest fear I held about applying for a Visiting position is the uncertainty related to job security. So it's curious that I chose to go back to school, to open up the potential to leave a relatively secure if unsatisfying position for the tenure track life. I have, I acknowledge, a certain degree of self-satisfaction over the fact that I am "good at school." I learn concepts quickly. Ok, I have a bit of an ego. I'm not denying it. But I find it's not the "best and the brightest" who necessarily are the most prolific. It's the hungriest. Whether in or out of academia, it's those who have something to say who produce the most. As a relatively placid Bull, I crave certain comforts and security and have become more risk-averse as I age. I am not an angry person. I'm easily amused. I make myself comfortable. But I also know that when placed in positions of risk, I sort of "come to life" to get what's needed done. I'm exceptionally good at crisis management, btw.
I was also listening to the episode of the iProcrastinate podcast entitled "Temptation and Procrastination" today on the train, returning from a meeting with the city. A researcher discussed his findings, that students (and this podcast does seem geared toward doctoral students) tend to procrastinate most through social activities. The prime mediating factor was self-confidence. If someone is truly self-confident about their abilities (and not just living with self-bravado), then there's a greater chance of turning down social outings to stay on task with school work.
I believe this is also linked to a fear of failure. In my case, there is a palpable fear of leaving the secure work environment once I've obtained my PhD. So the question is, how can I take Mr Breszny's advice and use that fear as a strength? My inexhaustible longing to NOT be incomeless, health insurance-less and jobless?
I think the key here is to partialize. Take smaller steps. And to not worry about whether I'll be stuck come May 2012 until after I know if I'll even have finished my PhD by then! But rather, it's to turn my dissatisfaction with the status quo into a hunger for more. And to know that I will move heaven and earth (as I always do) to make sure I have some sort of employment or assistance to fall back on from my family if needed.
Taurus this week reads:
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
You're very familiar with the inexhaustible longings that you harbor in your depths. Your primal hungers for love and connection are never far from your awareness. But the sad thing is that you often regard this as a problem -- as a vulnerability that disempowers you. This Valentine season I'm asking you to change all that. I'm urging you to see your enormous yearnings as strengths . . . to celebrate them as essential fuel for your vitality . . . to treat them as crucial ingredients in your lust for life. Take it from someone who has seen too many people crippled by their lack of passion: You're lucky to be so well-endowed with desire.
While I could certainly choose to relate this to my love life (and may well do so in private), I am in this entry actually relating it to my career. Because in my last entry, the biggest fear I held about applying for a Visiting position is the uncertainty related to job security. So it's curious that I chose to go back to school, to open up the potential to leave a relatively secure if unsatisfying position for the tenure track life. I have, I acknowledge, a certain degree of self-satisfaction over the fact that I am "good at school." I learn concepts quickly. Ok, I have a bit of an ego. I'm not denying it. But I find it's not the "best and the brightest" who necessarily are the most prolific. It's the hungriest. Whether in or out of academia, it's those who have something to say who produce the most. As a relatively placid Bull, I crave certain comforts and security and have become more risk-averse as I age. I am not an angry person. I'm easily amused. I make myself comfortable. But I also know that when placed in positions of risk, I sort of "come to life" to get what's needed done. I'm exceptionally good at crisis management, btw.
I was also listening to the episode of the iProcrastinate podcast entitled "Temptation and Procrastination" today on the train, returning from a meeting with the city. A researcher discussed his findings, that students (and this podcast does seem geared toward doctoral students) tend to procrastinate most through social activities. The prime mediating factor was self-confidence. If someone is truly self-confident about their abilities (and not just living with self-bravado), then there's a greater chance of turning down social outings to stay on task with school work.
I believe this is also linked to a fear of failure. In my case, there is a palpable fear of leaving the secure work environment once I've obtained my PhD. So the question is, how can I take Mr Breszny's advice and use that fear as a strength? My inexhaustible longing to NOT be incomeless, health insurance-less and jobless?
I think the key here is to partialize. Take smaller steps. And to not worry about whether I'll be stuck come May 2012 until after I know if I'll even have finished my PhD by then! But rather, it's to turn my dissatisfaction with the status quo into a hunger for more. And to know that I will move heaven and earth (as I always do) to make sure I have some sort of employment or assistance to fall back on from my family if needed.