i hate the way i feel
grrrrrrrrrr
i think my MDD is flaring up. i never know what to do with myself when this happens. i dont want to be anywhere... no matter where i go i would rather be somewhere else and as soon as i get to the next destination i dont want to be there either. today i started bawling crying and i honestly dont know why (not pmsing either)
i feel like everyone is expecting to much of me and my self esteem is getting lower and lower cause i cant give them what they want. my dad is now expecting me to pay all my bills... and not to sound like a spoiled bitch but ive never had to pay for all my bills b4. i told him that it should be no problem cause at the time i was making atleast 300-500 a week but now that i work the morning shifts im not making nearly as much. rent is due tomorrow and im around 70 dollars short. hopefully tomorrow is a good shift.
i think maybe its my time to leave... prolly not... maybe just need to get away for awhile.
after the hurricane hit and jason moved i lost my simpathetic side for a while. for example if a person at work would complain that they had cold fries i wouldnt care or if someone was talking about their boyfriend not wanting to go out the night b4, i would look at them with this emotionless face just thnking "if only that was my bggest problem" Ive come along way since then. ive moved past jason and ive come to terms with the fact that new orleans will never be what it was in my childhood memories. but everyone in awhile ill feel sorry for myself... is that ok? orrrr is that horrible. i know people have it alot worse than i do bu f you were to ask any of my friends i tried so hard to be strong throughout the whole hurricane/ jason moving thing... i didnt cry much when jason moved and i think that was because he was the one i would have cried to... i didnt cry after the hurricane cause i wanted to be strong for my mom and celeste.
maybe i just need a good cry... maybe im feeling my MDD because i couldnt be sad b4 and so now 3 months later its finally starting to show itself.
i worked for 9 days stright then i was off on monday and now i have until sunday to have another day off... wish me luck cause with me feeling the was i do its gonna be hard.
oh ya and dont worry this will go away in a matter of days... im not gonna be permantly emotionaly unstable
i think my MDD is flaring up. i never know what to do with myself when this happens. i dont want to be anywhere... no matter where i go i would rather be somewhere else and as soon as i get to the next destination i dont want to be there either. today i started bawling crying and i honestly dont know why (not pmsing either)
i feel like everyone is expecting to much of me and my self esteem is getting lower and lower cause i cant give them what they want. my dad is now expecting me to pay all my bills... and not to sound like a spoiled bitch but ive never had to pay for all my bills b4. i told him that it should be no problem cause at the time i was making atleast 300-500 a week but now that i work the morning shifts im not making nearly as much. rent is due tomorrow and im around 70 dollars short. hopefully tomorrow is a good shift.
i think maybe its my time to leave... prolly not... maybe just need to get away for awhile.
after the hurricane hit and jason moved i lost my simpathetic side for a while. for example if a person at work would complain that they had cold fries i wouldnt care or if someone was talking about their boyfriend not wanting to go out the night b4, i would look at them with this emotionless face just thnking "if only that was my bggest problem" Ive come along way since then. ive moved past jason and ive come to terms with the fact that new orleans will never be what it was in my childhood memories. but everyone in awhile ill feel sorry for myself... is that ok? orrrr is that horrible. i know people have it alot worse than i do bu f you were to ask any of my friends i tried so hard to be strong throughout the whole hurricane/ jason moving thing... i didnt cry much when jason moved and i think that was because he was the one i would have cried to... i didnt cry after the hurricane cause i wanted to be strong for my mom and celeste.
maybe i just need a good cry... maybe im feeling my MDD because i couldnt be sad b4 and so now 3 months later its finally starting to show itself.
i worked for 9 days stright then i was off on monday and now i have until sunday to have another day off... wish me luck cause with me feeling the was i do its gonna be hard.
oh ya and dont worry this will go away in a matter of days... im not gonna be permantly emotionaly unstable