dont read this...you wont understand
my life is a rollercoaster of emotions that i never understand. in fact i dont understand anything. Im such a fucking cry baby, here i am again fighting this never ending battle between my tears and me. I try to hold them back but they always prevail. Im so weak. fuck I'm weak. I always feel like things are going to fall apart...I always feel like Im going to die any second. maybe today. People would get over it pretty quickly. It sucks that my goal in life is to really touch people and i haven't done in the 17 years this world has given me. Sometimes i just want to crawl backwards and feel the warmth of my mothers woomb (sp?) only for a second before i disappear.I know what you are thinking as you read this...what the fuck does she have to complain about. I dont know why i am unhappy i just am. i dont understand. I dont like rico and his views...that I do understand. there is so much running through my head right now. I wish i could control time, i wish i could control something. I can never control anything. i wish things were different. I wish i wasnt such a fucking failure at everything i do...man i want to play soccer again. why did this happen, why i cant i do any of the things that make me happy. why am i going to end up in some office hating my life? i guess i just got dealt some pretty shitty cards.
FUCK!
FUCK!