You never thought to question why//It's not like you killed someone.
So, I'm not sure what this entry is going to be about because I havn't done much of anything in a long time. I feel like I want to update with this huge entry but I'm not sure what to say. I guess lately my question has been, what is real in life? I don't understand life & it's not only because I just experienced a break up, but because it seems like no one is real. Of all the things I've learned this year, the most important is to just be real, be yourself. It's so ironic how you think you have these feelings being shared between 2 people & you don't. It's crazy how fast people's feelings can change & it's incredibly amazing how one person can effect your whole life & become the only thing you rely on. The only way that I've gotten through this so far is just accepting & realizing the positives in this sudden change. I feel like I need people around to be sane but every time I'm with people, I just want to be alone. Being independent is something I've learned how to be lately. I do things on my own & I don't think twice about them. Tuesday was probably the hardest day I had to experience in so long. I'm glad I did though, it made me 10 times stronger. I love not caring what people think, I love being independent but I'll never abuse it to the extent where I think I'm too good for someone. I think it's important to have opinions I just try to keep them to myself. Friends fight all the time, I wish people would just get past that & realize how important one individual can be. Everyone has amazing qualities it's just up to one another to want to get to know them. I think it's important to appreciate, even the bad things. I don't know what any of this means, I'm really just rambling on & on but maybe it will help me. Although I've found myself with few friends, & I'm not quite sure what to do with myself, I still think friends are the most important. Friendship is probably a lot better than anything else, a friendship can last forever with few disappointments (if you're lucky) & tons of great experiences. It suprises me how some people can be a totally different person for ones attention. What do you do when you're with that person for long- enough that you'll eventually have to show your true self, how do you explain that? It's so important to be yourself. We're reading Hamlet in English class & although I can't comprehend any of it, there is an english version. A quote in there has really um, struck me.. "Thou know'st 'tis common; all lives must die, Passing through nature to eternity." I have no idea but sometimes I often wonder about death, which also relates to why I'm so confused on what life is really about. Although I know there's so much more to life, in a more complex way, it seems like we're just here so we can die. It seems like anyone will do anything to get what they want these days. It doesn't always work like that though. It's important to do for others but not to the extent where you're hurting yourself. This entry has sounded like a ball of depression, it's really not though. On a more positive note, I have finally found my camera. 4 weeks. I hope. Summer is coming. I'm excited. Spring is right around the corner. Sorry if I've upset anyone or actually, I'm not quite sure..