(no subject)
my mom always used to say she'd always forgive but never forget. It would always come up in situations where I had dissapointed her, and I resented her for saying it. My anger was probably rooted in my agreement though, since she is and raised me as a very proud person. Yet now her words ring in my mind like an alarm clock in the morning that I just don't want to wake up to. I embrace forgiveness yet I am privy to my lack of forgetting. Pain is something I've never run away from; I never internalize my feelings. Though I'm realizing my abilities to deal and forget are not so sound, and the idea that my forgiveness and forgetting are actually intertwined into one process. Maybe I'm not really forgiving if I can't move on and not painfully slip back everytime my memories plague me. Maybe when you really forgive you do forget. Or let me rephrase: when you really can forget, you can finally forgive. But that just seems so much harder though. That level of acceptance is unerving; self-recklessness for the sake of one's self seems that much more impossible. I'd rather move along on my own terms; I could never swallow my pride. I guess it's because she raised me to be such a proud person.