(no subject)
I feel like I'm really losing touch with humanity. It used to be that I couldn't identify with the general population, but now I'm coming to realize that I really just understand how it works. I don't know how to interact with people. I don't know how to not be a weirdo. I used to take pride in my differences, and I still do to a degree, but every difference is a barrier. I've cut myself off.At this point I'd kill for a long-lasting friendship. Sure, I have friends, I know a lot of people, but I've alienated those who I allowed to get close enough to me. Even though I'm on good terms with most of them, my relationships with them will never quite be the same. There will always be a riff, and I'll always be too afraid to say I want their friendship back. I can't figure out why. I wish I could have a real relationship with a woman, even if it means getting my heart broken. Because then at least I had something at some point in time. At least someone understood, or at least appreciated me enough, even if for a short while.