How low can you go?
I'm not really sure what's going on. She came over briefly today. Everything felt like it usually does. It wasn't awkward at all. Things are kind of ambiguous now. It's as if we're in limbo. We're friends, and we always have been, but now we've crossed the line of friendship, and acknowledged how we feel about each other, which changes a lot of things. I don't know if she wants to go out again, much less move forward with the whole dating thing, but we've come to a point where things aren't as cut and dry. When I asked her out in April and she rejected me, it was simple, because it meant that she wasn't interested, and just wanted to be friends. I had feelings for her, but I knew where I stood in our relationship. Now it's not so obvious. I don't know what she really wants, or where I stand. I'm not going to bother her about a second date.
I asked her at the end of our date last week, and she said she'd think about it. And she's busy--she works full time and is in the middle of tech week for her first show as a director. I didn't expect an instant answer, I just threw it out there at that moment, while I had the chance. When I asked her out the first time, I didn't get an answer for almost a week. She was busy then too, working, and moving into a new place. But this is when my imagination and insecurity collide catastrophically. I wonder if the fact that I didn't get an answer right away, like the last time, is a sign of the eventual "no". But I know realistically she just hasn't had the time to sit and think. On the phone last night she was talking about how she needs to take a break from doing any shows, and that she can't breathe. So I'll just keep my mouth shut and wait. I've made the mistake of pressing this kind of issue to hard, too soon, and fucking everything up. I'm a much more patient person now. It takes baby steps. I don't really want to rush anything either.
Does anyone read this? I'm sure my loyal readers are sick of hearing about this shit. But fuck it. Everyone's livejournal is a place to vent and share thoughts.
I asked her at the end of our date last week, and she said she'd think about it. And she's busy--she works full time and is in the middle of tech week for her first show as a director. I didn't expect an instant answer, I just threw it out there at that moment, while I had the chance. When I asked her out the first time, I didn't get an answer for almost a week. She was busy then too, working, and moving into a new place. But this is when my imagination and insecurity collide catastrophically. I wonder if the fact that I didn't get an answer right away, like the last time, is a sign of the eventual "no". But I know realistically she just hasn't had the time to sit and think. On the phone last night she was talking about how she needs to take a break from doing any shows, and that she can't breathe. So I'll just keep my mouth shut and wait. I've made the mistake of pressing this kind of issue to hard, too soon, and fucking everything up. I'm a much more patient person now. It takes baby steps. I don't really want to rush anything either.
Does anyone read this? I'm sure my loyal readers are sick of hearing about this shit. But fuck it. Everyone's livejournal is a place to vent and share thoughts.