the things that won't come out
about five times i have sat down, 'update' page infront of me.
i load up the page, stare at its blank-ness and think. i think of everything that is bothering me. i think of impossible decisions. i think of "irrational" fears, that are starting to seem quite rational to me.
i sit and i reflect upon the day just past. did i make good decisions? did i make a decision? i think that is more the question as of late. whether i have made the decision to make a decision.
today was a bad day. i didn't know what to do, so i did nothing. doing nothing however arrouses more suspicion than doing something considered suspicious... i'm screwed. and i can't hide forever. i don't know how much longer i can keep this up before i tell someone.
tell who? and what?
i wish i knew. i wish there was a way that this could work out, one way or another with at least one outcome being good. whatever i do, there will be pain. there will be regret. there will be heartbreak...
*cries*
why?