First of all, Banff is in Canada, possibly Alberta, and so many levels of not in Alaska. Second of all, if you were in fact in Banff in grade ten, what the hell were you doing drinking non-alcoholic beer? Banff toddlers drink alcoholic beer. Did you ever miss out.
Also: Hah! Hah! I win at this game: You and I met when we were in the womb. you were named after me, literally (in counting weeks) and figuratively (cause you just plain were). Jessica Sarah, Sarah Jessica, Steven Joshua (it is Joshua, right?); The connection is totally there. We were babies together, toddlers together, whiny eight year olds together, wholly obnoxious teenagers together, and surprisingly sexy adults together, even though we technically haven't seen eachother since before we reached the age of majority, I gotta say, I'M pretty sexy, and I'm sure any namesake of mine is too. Funny story, funny story, funny story....I don't really have one....Except if you count the time I came and visited at your high school. I mean, it amused ME, so I guess it was kind of funny. Also story-like in it's essence.
Darling, we are destined to be together; if there's one thing I can't fight, it's Ruth Hurvitz's decrees. So whether or not you believe in soul mates, if you've found yours, you had better enjoy her while you can, because baby, you and I are engaged since before either of us were born, and that's just the facts that we're going to have to face.
Unless of course, we can get your sister and my brother together and avoid the entire mess. We'll discuss.
Meanwhile, get your ass on a plane and come visit me. With all your rampant Zionism and terribly broken Hebrew, your soulmate is probably some leggy Israeli brunette just waiting for a craptacular pickup line.
Animosity? כפרה, תאוכלי לך כמה שזיפים מיובשים: מה יש לך, עצירות? יא אללה
Stevie, in other news, I had a thought (shocking! Also, appalling): Even though I DO know you and therefore don't fit under your definition of 'stalker' as outlined in the beginning of your post, you have to admit that I stalk you nonetheless. I think that was leading towards a question yet I completely forget what it was. But the moral of the story is that I stalk you, and will until you get on a birthright trip, and even then, probably just a little bit too. Also, tell your friend to relax; time to step out of the non-alcoholic beer closet, y'all.
Fun fact: non-alcoholic beer actually does have an alcohol content: 0.05% (at least the normal ones do). Now. Let's say that it takes 6 normal beers at 8% (min. canadian alcohol rate, generally) alcohol to get shitfaced drunk. So if you have 160 non-alcoholic beers, before DYING because your bladder will probably explode, it will have the same effect as a night on the town in Toronto....Or, you could just get tipsy on like 80 non-alcoholic beers, and a good buzz off of 40.
Second of all, if you were in fact in Banff in grade ten, what the hell were you doing drinking non-alcoholic beer? Banff toddlers drink alcoholic beer. Did you ever miss out.
Also:
Hah! Hah! I win at this game: You and I met when we were in the womb. you were named after me, literally (in counting weeks) and figuratively (cause you just plain were). Jessica Sarah, Sarah Jessica, Steven Joshua (it is Joshua, right?); The connection is totally there. We were babies together, toddlers together, whiny eight year olds together, wholly obnoxious teenagers together, and surprisingly sexy adults together, even though we technically haven't seen eachother since before we reached the age of majority, I gotta say, I'M pretty sexy, and I'm sure any namesake of mine is too.
Funny story, funny story, funny story....I don't really have one....Except if you count the time I came and visited at your high school. I mean, it amused ME, so I guess it was kind of funny. Also story-like in it's essence.
Darling, we are destined to be together; if there's one thing I can't fight, it's Ruth Hurvitz's decrees. So whether or not you believe in soul mates, if you've found yours, you had better enjoy her while you can, because baby, you and I are engaged since before either of us were born, and that's just the facts that we're going to have to face.
Unless of course, we can get your sister and my brother together and avoid the entire mess. We'll discuss.
Meanwhile, get your ass on a plane and come visit me. With all your rampant Zionism and terribly broken Hebrew, your soulmate is probably some leggy Israeli brunette just waiting for a craptacular pickup line.
Miss you and give my love to the inlaws,
Jess
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and what's with the animosity? i was just relating a story that i found amusing. there's no need to rip on it.
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כפרה, תאוכלי לך כמה שזיפים מיובשים: מה יש לך, עצירות? יא אללה
Stevie, in other news, I had a thought (shocking! Also, appalling): Even though I DO know you and therefore don't fit under your definition of 'stalker' as outlined in the beginning of your post, you have to admit that I stalk you nonetheless.
I think that was leading towards a question yet I completely forget what it was. But the moral of the story is that I stalk you, and will until you get on a birthright trip, and even then, probably just a little bit too.
Also, tell your friend to relax; time to step out of the non-alcoholic beer closet, y'all.
Fun fact: non-alcoholic beer actually does have an alcohol content: 0.05% (at least the normal ones do). Now. Let's say that it takes 6 normal beers at 8% (min. canadian alcohol rate, generally) alcohol to get shitfaced drunk. So if you have 160 non-alcoholic beers, before DYING because your bladder will probably explode, it will have the same effect as a night on the town in Toronto....Or, you could just get tipsy on like 80 non-alcoholic beers, and a good buzz off of 40.
Reply
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