(no subject)

[gilygilgilbert]

i am sorry for the lies and the way i have treated you i am sorry for telling you i hate you and i did not mean it. i am a brat and that it why. if i caused you to be this way do the things you do hide the things you hide.than i would do anything in the world to make you the way it use to be. i don't believe your weak i believe your sad. every night you come home to a bottle and your whole world revolves around it. what do you need what do you want from me.i am the only one in the world who gets caught up in the decisions you make. i am sick of picking you up when you fall trying to talk to you when you can't understand.i love you you gave me life but your stronger than this rely on your self not that. my whole world is falling apart because it just gets worse you effect the way i look at the world. my relationship with mason and my friendships are on the relationship you have with a simple drink. why is my world falling apart. i am not sad person but everything is disconnecting and i can't make since of it. you do everything for me you buy me things take me places and when you don't have the bottle you are the nicest understanding and loving person i ever met. people think i make it sound worse but they have never been there for the names the fights the throwing the cussing the lieing and the cursing. yesterday i found three stashed away and you need help i don't know how to give you that i will go with you to get help... i will... you will never read this but it feels great to lay everything out.your a zombie now and for a week you have not smiled if. i hate drinking i hate getting drunk i hate what it does to people but i do it.... i have not done it fro a while but she is starting a chain i can't run away from tht only thing i can do is never do it again or i will be like her.....
alot of things on my mind
**burnett**