the ugly sin

[gilgamesh]

you think you know me?

i really don't even know myself.
i can compulsively lie to myself,
night after night of pretending i'm done with pretending.

on the days down the avenue, an idle mind should soar;
instead i am completely possessed with malice and rage.
i think about it every day, and with the passing days,
the urge to hurt is not confined to you.

why are things the way they are?
i thought i made peace with everything,
buried the key at the bottom of the ocean,
never to be remembered or bothered with again.
i guess that 'buried' is not the same as 'annihilated.'

i just want to hurt people right now.
what else can i do to relieve myself of these murderous fits?

i am an actor, a liar, a complete scam artist.
i am out of control.

so help me God, what am I supposed to do?