Reading List: First Half of 2010; My Brother's Budding Affair

[gilee7]

1. Slash by: Slash (w/ Anthony Bozza)--- I don't usually read autobiographies or non-fiction, but, being a huge fan of Guns N' Roses and Slash, I had to make an exception. Slash has lived a very eventful, exciting life, and it was fun to read about. I especially enjoyed reading about his childhood and the early years of the band, when they were

Comments

[2ndhandsunshine]

Wow. I don't know how I managed to miss this post! Really, I just read loony's journal where she mentioned you and was like, whatever happened to that guy? Anyway, nice list! We really have been reading some of the same books lately, huh? I remember reading The Lovely Bones several years ago after a coworker gave me her copy, and I remember reading it rather quickly and mildly liking it... But now that I think back, I think it was really mostly for her concept of an individualized heaven. It made something of an impression on me as it coincides with my own secret version of paradise. I don't recall caring for the rest of it that much,however, one way or the other. Haven't seen the movie yet and probably won't because, frankly, it looks pretty melodramatic and retarded.

My sister is seven years older than I am. She moved out when I was in grade school, and even before then, she was never around very much, so needless to say, we were never very close. Funny thing is though, I think because of her absence and rather rebellious nature, she sort of developed into this cool, mysterious, independent persona that I always felt I somehow had to please or live up to, and it's only been within the last few years that I've gotten away from that. I became very disillusioned when the one time (and I'm not exaggerating) I asked for her help, she refused. After all the times I helped her out, lending her money, listening to her cry shit about our parents, being her stand-in friend (i.e. sounding board) when her real friends weren't around... After some consideration, I came to the conclusion that it was all a very one sided relationship predicated upon her need and her convenience, and that, blood relation or not, it wasn't something I wished to continue. Since I made that decision, I visited her once with our mom to help her move, and the whole time she was overbearing and patronizing, and it didn't end well. Haven't spoken since; haven't cared to.

As for your brother's... dalliance. It's funny, in movies and TV shows where the guy cheats, the first excuse/rationalization that's thrown out is that "it didn't mean anything" which is supposed to make it easier for the girl to forgive. I never understood that. For me, I'd be more willing to forgive my boyfriend for falling in love with someone else and leaving me, than if he had a one night stand with a random woman. Actually, I wouldn't forgive the latter-- I'd dump his (and anyone else's) ass faster than he could say "sorry". Because a person might not always be able to help becoming attracted to another person, but he damn well can always help how he acts upon that attraction. The ideal, for me, of course, would be that he tells me he's developed feelings for someone else whom he'd like to pursue and break off our relationship before doing anything physical with the other woman, but I'd be more willing to forgive (that is to say, understand and let go of) him for betraying me because he loved another person than him betraying me for something that "didn't mean anything." I mean, seriously, how little must a guy regard my affection and respect if it can be tossed aside so carelessly for something so cheap?

So I don't condone cheating and think people should be as straightforward with one another as possible, but at the same time, I appreciate that things aren't really that simple. That said, it's in my experience that when a person starts contemplating leaving their significant other, the cause probably isn't because of a third party. That is, a third party could be present, and his feelings towards her might be valid, but it could also just be the convenient excuse he's been looking for to leave the relationship. (Or her, depending on who we're talking about.)

[2ndhandsunshine]

In any event, I don't think you should blame yourself for whatever ends up happening (though I will concur that giving love advice while high or drunk... probably isn't the best idea--been there). Your brother's an adult who ultimately must make up his own mind, his own decisions, and stick by those decisions. I understand looking to others for input and advice, but I disagree that doing that should somehow negate an individual's personal responsibility in what he does with his own life. Regardless, whatever he does, I hope things turn out all right for you.

(Gah! Sorry for the super long, month-late comment. DX)