Cell Phones and Tennis
I've been looking forward to the day, forty years from now, when 95% of the world's population drops dead with a malignant brain tumor due to countless hours of cell phone usage. Having never owned a cell phone, I was immune.
Not anymore.
Two days ago my mother bought me a cell phone, thus shattering my privacy and forcing me into slavery with the rest of the evil masses. I'm now connected, 24/7, to everyone else. I don't enjoy talking on the phone. Often I don't even answer the phone at home. But now, with a cell phone, I can't just lie and say, "Oh, I wasn't at home." People carry cell phones everywhere they go. Now, when someone wants to get in touch with me, they just have to call the cell. I hate feeling so accessible.
I doubt I'll carry my cell phone with me regularly. Most likely it'll remain beside my bed and rarely be used. I don't need it, nor do I want it. I like deciding when I'm going to talk to someone, not the other way around.
***
A strange thing is happening this summer: by playing football with my friends about three days a week, playing tennis, hiking, and occasionally lifting weights, I'm actually getting in shape. That's a gasp-worthy sentence. I haven't been in shape in about 4 or 5 years. It's impossible for me to gain weight due to my high metabolism. I'm 5'9 and I only weigh about 130 pounds, even though I eat terribly unhealthy and my only form of exercise is masturbation. I used to workout regularly back in high school; but the workouts got farther and farther apart, and eventually I decided it was a waste of time. I've spent the last few years as a skinny fat guy. But now, without really meaning to, I've gotten back in shape. I haven't added any muscle or anything, nor do I care to, but my stamina has increased a lot. My friends and I can play football outside in 90-degree heat for 2 1/2 hours and I still feel pretty fresh afterwards, whereas I used to feel short of breath after just a few plays.
Lately, my friends and I have been playing a lot of tennis, too. Last year, when Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal were having all those epic tennis matches, I started really getting into the sport (as a viewer, of course). But it wasn't until recently that I actually purchased a couple of tennis rackets and started playing. And I suck, horribly. Tennis is way, way harder than it appears on TV. I feel like I barely hit the ball and yet it flies a thousand feet into the air. My friends are no better, of course. We hit more balls out of the court than we do to each other. Gradually, however, we're starting to get the hang of it. We still suck, and we all get frustrated at the ball not going to where it's supposed to; but, despite the hundreds of curse words spit at ourselves and our rackets, we've had a lot of fun.
Not anymore.
Two days ago my mother bought me a cell phone, thus shattering my privacy and forcing me into slavery with the rest of the evil masses. I'm now connected, 24/7, to everyone else. I don't enjoy talking on the phone. Often I don't even answer the phone at home. But now, with a cell phone, I can't just lie and say, "Oh, I wasn't at home." People carry cell phones everywhere they go. Now, when someone wants to get in touch with me, they just have to call the cell. I hate feeling so accessible.
I doubt I'll carry my cell phone with me regularly. Most likely it'll remain beside my bed and rarely be used. I don't need it, nor do I want it. I like deciding when I'm going to talk to someone, not the other way around.
***
A strange thing is happening this summer: by playing football with my friends about three days a week, playing tennis, hiking, and occasionally lifting weights, I'm actually getting in shape. That's a gasp-worthy sentence. I haven't been in shape in about 4 or 5 years. It's impossible for me to gain weight due to my high metabolism. I'm 5'9 and I only weigh about 130 pounds, even though I eat terribly unhealthy and my only form of exercise is masturbation. I used to workout regularly back in high school; but the workouts got farther and farther apart, and eventually I decided it was a waste of time. I've spent the last few years as a skinny fat guy. But now, without really meaning to, I've gotten back in shape. I haven't added any muscle or anything, nor do I care to, but my stamina has increased a lot. My friends and I can play football outside in 90-degree heat for 2 1/2 hours and I still feel pretty fresh afterwards, whereas I used to feel short of breath after just a few plays.
Lately, my friends and I have been playing a lot of tennis, too. Last year, when Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal were having all those epic tennis matches, I started really getting into the sport (as a viewer, of course). But it wasn't until recently that I actually purchased a couple of tennis rackets and started playing. And I suck, horribly. Tennis is way, way harder than it appears on TV. I feel like I barely hit the ball and yet it flies a thousand feet into the air. My friends are no better, of course. We hit more balls out of the court than we do to each other. Gradually, however, we're starting to get the hang of it. We still suck, and we all get frustrated at the ball not going to where it's supposed to; but, despite the hundreds of curse words spit at ourselves and our rackets, we've had a lot of fun.